Well after being in the closet for 38 years I found this sight.
It made me feel better about myself. So I told her that I thought it would be fun to wear a dress.
She said "what the hell are you saying, are you gay, are you a cross-dresser, do you have a hidden stash of woman's clothes? Your all screwed up!"
Then I tried to sneak the stash out to my car but she looked out the window.
I guess Im on a roll a coster ride now.
To be continued.
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
Good luck, I hope it ends up ok after the initial shock wears off.
Oh, crap. I remember almost the same response. I wish you the best. All I can say is to continue to be for her the same guy that you've been that she is attracted to. Don't push it; I made that mistake. Good luck from me, too. You're going to need it.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Sorry to hear that Judy. Wow, good luck and keep us posted.
Part Time Girl
I just went though this exact same thing. dont push the issue if you want to be with her. I did! I did the text book what not to do ambushed her while dressed and pushed for her acceptance it felt so good to finally be out but pushed her right out the door she has no desire to accept me as a crossdresser just saying on the positive side I get to dress way more than I have ever gotten to before and love every minute of it
Miranda
I guess this is life
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
Dear, the answers are:Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing
"No, I'm not gay."
"Yes, I have a hidden stash of clothes."
"I may be screwed up, but it's not from wanting to put on a dress. It may come from years of not not being able to tell someone about something that is important to me for fear that they would ridicule me."
Following on to what Eryn offered, do not let things go unsaid now. Your approach to coming out was unwise but now you are all in, TALK about. Answer her questions and let her know you will be totally forthright in every answer.
I wish you the best of good luck with everything, I am only a miss step away from where are. god bless
Time for that talk sounds like.
She obviously doesn't know the difference between sexuality and gender and that is one talking point you may need to discuss.
Good luck the cat is out of the bag so time to clear the air.
I agree with Eryn.
Thanks for the advice.
We've been together for 37 years, children are grown up.
I could be wrong but I think she'll calm down.
She told me to go hang out with Bruce/Caitlyn
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
You have fallen victim to one of the consequences of participating on this site. It sometimes emboldens some to take chances and put that toe in the water. The kitten is out of the bag. I expect 38 years of marriage will hold everything together. It may be a little rocky, but, hey, that's what marriage is all about. When I checked your bio to see your age I noticed your picture. You're a good looking woman. If you look more attractive than your wife in a dress, the road may be a little rockier for a while.
I'd take that as permission to venture out into the world all dolled up.
Last edited by Katey888; 01-03-2016 at 06:14 AM. Reason: Fixed quote box
Sounds like damage control time. A good calm talk is what's needed here. You can't throw 38 yrs of marriage down the drain. Be calm and truthful and respectful t her. Of course that works both ways but figure it out and the best of luck to you.
Still being in the closet myself, I'm probably not the best one to comment, but I agree that it sounds like you need to tell her you love her and have a full and open conversation when she calms down. Hopefully, with a little bit of education, helped by showing her some of the more helpful websites that are available, she will accept you, at least on some level.
Good luck. I really hope it all works out.
Sit down and talk to her, explain everything and I mean everything don't leave anything out only to bring it up later or she will be asking why didn't you tell her at this time.
Give her time to process what has happened and what has been said. Her questions are what nearly every GG asks so no surprises there, what you need to do is answer them honestly again tell her everything.
It is no good just telling half a story as this will just cause more problems later on when the rest of the story comes out. You could in time direct her to this site telling her about the private FAB forum we have here just for wives/partners of cders/ts. Here she will find GGs who will help, give advice and support her.
Sandra
Administrator
I always used to rib you about your legs can't anymore. R.I.P Sexy Legs
R.I.P Rianna
Judy,
I hope the worse doesn't happen and she purges your stuff !
I guess it's time to sit down and give her the facts, it's not going away , you're stuck with it so you've got to put some facts on the table and see what she can go with and see where your boundaries are going to be set.
I guess she'll go through the usual questions , do you know what your answers are going to be ? I hope the forum has been some help to you think it all through knowing this was going to happen at some point.
Last edited by Teresa; 01-03-2016 at 09:37 AM.
Oh dear!
There's a lot of good advice already - principally, just keep talking and answer her questions honestly.
It strikes me (as another 'secret squirrel' here) that the salutary lesson of this for others is: think it through thoroughly first and have your explanation and answers ready, preferably in the form of a heartfelt letter, rather than just blurting out the fact you think it would be fun to wear a dress... Definitely not a tactic I'll be employing in the near or distant future...
Good luck with the damage control - and: Don't try this at home, readers...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
Hello Judy,
So sorry to read about such an event. Hopefully things will level out over the next few days as your wife takes time to process things. As many have said, the only way forward now is open and honest communication. Awhile back I started a thread about communication after the big reveal. Regardless of whether the reveal goes bad or good, honest communication is the only way forward at that point. Many folks here provided some great advice on that thread so if you are inclined have a read.
Cheers
Marcelle
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ged&highlight=
Hi Judy,
Many of us have been in similar situations. Take it slow, keep your cool and try to ease into this using the great advice here. Good luck.
Judy, as you have read, you are not the first to open this door. I was married 25 years before I told my wife about Heidi. And the sh#t hit the fan for us, almost word for word to what you told us. I let her think things over for a while and a few days later asked if she wanted some answers and reasons. She did calm down and this began the conversation between us that has been going on now for almost 2 years. Progress is slow, but you both have a lot of time and effort invested in this relationship, and I doubt either of you wants to throw in the towel now. If she does, there were problems before this revelation, this just set things in motion. Hang in there, get ready for the long talk, Judy.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken!
Judy, I did the same as you, I thought she would be ok with a little. My wife of 35 years, after a few days of thought ask for a divorce. I suggested couples therapy which we did. The therapist helped explain I was not crazy. We are still together, although DADT but slowly warming. If you want to stay together this might help.
Best of Luck
Love KristyE
After 37 years, your marriage will most likely survive this discovery. You need to: give her time to process; respond to questions; provide assurances; and continue doing all the other things you have been doing to make her happy the past 37-plus years. She may be hurt, angry, threatened, even scared. She probably needs a lot of information and dialog, as suggested. It may get worse before it gets better, but if you are honest and sensitive, it will, most likely, get better and might even add a new dimension to your marriage. Also, some professional counseling might be helpful. Good luck, Judy. Couples face a lot worse and move on. You both should too.
Judy,
Rough way to start the year!
There is no solid solution anyone here can provide unfortunately. If you read the stories, you will of course find that what works for one, does not work for another.
A lot depends on how your wife usually deal with change, how solid the marriage has been so far, and a bunch of other variables.
After that many years together, she probably thought she knew you pretty well and she did not expect any surprises anymore. Her immediate reaction also indicates she does not have high thoughts on the CD/TG/TS community, maybe caused by the environment she grew up in, her work or just the circles she moves in.
Expect that she will continue to associate this with being gay, that you have lied to her, that nothing you ever told her was true and so on. Also expect that she will consider this a choice you are making and that you can simply "un-chose" it.
A lot also depends on how you typically act when something "new" catches your fancy. If you tend to go all out and dive into a "new" interest full bore, then she might have learned to block things she does not like full force.
But, we dont know her, you do.
Keep in mind, that most people do not have any knowledge of this topic. Heck, even inside the group, we cannot agree on who is who and what to make of it all. Most "outsides" only know what they see in the press and that is unfortunately not a good thing. If they do venture into exploring on the net, it typically just gets worse since they will come across many websites which displays a side of this which is not exactly helpful to calm a wife down.
My best advise would be to just assure her that nothing has changed! You are still the same man you always were and that if she objects to this then nothing in your daily life is going to change now.
Stay calm and try not to overreact.
As for writing her a letter and explain what you feel, that can be a good approach for some. BUT .. consider that it can also be used later as a confession and proof, should it all go really bad.
Good luck to you, you are probably going to need it!
Hugs
Suzie
This happens a lot. Bottom line is she married a man. Now that she knows you dress, she will never look at you the same. Everytime she looks at you, she will see you dressed as a womam. That is a cold hard fact. You crossed that invisible line. You let that cat out of the bag and there is no putting it back in. You will get a lot of advise on this site. A lot of it bad advise. I am not going to say what you should do or not do, what you should have or not have done. All I will say is that ONLY YOU know your wife and what she may or may not be able to handle and not anyone here on this forum. But your marriage will never be the same.
When I told my wife about my desire to dress the only question she had was did I have a stash.I showed her some stockings and a pair of heels,she was ok with the whole idea and even helped shop for some things.I didn't tell her how far I wanted to go,wig ,makeup ,dress, heels.We are no longer togeather but she says my crossdressing wasn't an issue.Good luck, I hope you can save your marriage.
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