You can't

[Rogina B]

You can't expect acceptance from those around you when you don't nurture it. Family discussions can be a teaching tool...if that is what you want it to be. The rigid view point of one parent does not have to be the only one in the household. Over and again,I hear about non acceptance. Yet,so many on here have been sneaking and dressing and developing "a feminine side" yet during that time made no effort toward opening doors toward acceptance from their family. And those "friends"..were not chosen wisely,I suspect. Now people have created an extra barrier outside of their "closet". I surely hope the younger people on here learn from this mistake.

[Sheila11]

I don't quite understand what you are saying. Who are the "friends" that are not chosen wisely and how do they figure into a dadt relationship?

I'm confused

[Robin414]

Good point, I'm not suggesting everyone run out like the closet's on fire but people can't accept 'you' if they don't know 'you'.

Before you organize a lynch mob, I get that this certainly doesn't apply to everyone but I can relate ☺

[Tracii G]

I think she means friends that hate CDer's or tend to be homophobic, you know the ass hole friends?
The main thing I think is surround your self with people that are open and accepting and ditch the other ones.
To me that makes sense if you actually want to be accepted and aren't afraid to be who you are.
If you don't make the effort and open up a little how can you expect to be accepted?

[heatherdress]

No matter how nurturing of acceptance someone is, there are people around them who will never be accepting of different behaviors and life styles. They are who they are.

While it is appropriate to demonstrate open-mindedness and acceptance in homes and environments in which some individuals are overly rigid, we cannot judge individual situations in which people must deal with extreme points of view, aggressiveness or even mental illness. Sometimes, secrecy is survival or the only option.

[Sarah-RT]

I think it depends on what the person is looking for. Some here hit the fetish side of the scale, others do it briefly and get on with their lives. To me it seems unnecessary for them.

However those who are gender fluid or that end of the spectrum certainly need to tell those around them, I can't describe the relief and peace from being out to my parents and friends. It takes a lot of thought to do, and even more courage to say it but live your own life and not someone else's.

With that said I understand there are a lot of narrow minded , bigoted and hateful people out there so be sure of who you tell first, if they don't like it though, that is their loss

[Rogina B]

As much as possible,surround yourself with people that get it and be honest with those people. They will respect you for doing so. In the last 11 years since returning from South America I have not made a single social friend as Roger. People only know Rogina. I am not the only one on this entire forum that has taken these steps with the same positive results. For young people like Sarah-HT..it is the best way to go as all future options are open. Risks with rewards.

[Niele]

Well, we certaily know what fear to be not accepted must be... everyone here passes this, or had passed before, chose of friends is hards some times, if you think that your social circle is small, and, you never really know what the others think, untill you told them, and worst scenerio is that "I like gay/cross/trans ppl" but when happen to know that those who they said to like is a close friend, a son, a husband or a father, those thoughts change in a winkle...

My mother had nothing special against LGBT community, untpill she figured out that a way or other her son make part of it... I had prolblems with her, todaay she don't really care, if I'm happy with this, this is what I need to do, I'm not making any damage to anyone. But is hard, it's something that our "civilizated" ppl conndem, and is hard to be open when you see so much homophobic crimes here and there.

[Sara Jessica]

While I gave a bit of a sarcastic response in the "You Can" thread, I totally got where you were coming from Rogina.

You Can't is pretty much the same discussion painted with a different brush.

For someone in the closet, no matter what their motivations are, they "can" and they "can't".

Society largely says we can because of changes in attitudes towards TG individuals. These changes are profound compared with 20 years+ ago, yet slow and far from complete. Just read the internet-emboldened comment sections regarding any TG-related news article and many's true colors emerge for all to see.

Therefore, they can't if the individual chooses not to expose themselves or their family to such scrutiny and risk.

A lot of this has to do with how one's closet is constructed. Personally, I have been out & about for over 20 years. I have a significant social life in terms of friends. But this is generally walled off from my guy existence. There are many on her side who know much about him (name, career, family stuff, etc). Yet aside from my wife, there is no one on his side who knows of her.

I can? Sure. I can't. No, I choose not to and this doesn't reflect on his choice of friends. Should I (or should anyone)? That is a personal decision. At this time I prefer to keep that wall intact.

[Rogina B]

Sara,you have constructed your life in a way that allows you to be content with it and I understand that. However,there are lots of people on here that might be better off if they did a little reconstruction. Sure there are the bearded ladies and the fetish dressers that aren't going outside,but there are others that do venture out and about. My posts are really directed at them. Some on here think their DADT relationship is ok and to that I will say that is only ok for a fetish dresser. Very demeaning for anyone else as it puts having a feminine self as a sickness that needs to be hidden. With that comes a household that is not open and that most likely makes their offspring non accepting as acceptance wasn't discussed freely at home. So,to me,there are many people here that have not done a thing to further mainstream acceptance[by talking things out with family and friends] because they are ashamed of themselves. Their attitude is always "can't" and never "could" in regard to being more honest with themselves. Is there a need? Just scroll down the subjects of the posts...lots of stuff on people's minds so it is often more than "just a little thing they do sometimes". It consumes some and it is those whose life could be better through "owning it". My opinion only.

[Steve]

I can see both sides to this one. Myself i cant come out to the people closest to me at this time. As i said on my story my SO is very ill and has sever mental issues and i cant tell her just now. I do not want to make a hard ( bad ) situation worse. As for my parents well.....
My neice has recently came out the closet about being gay, my mum says she is fine with it but my dad i can tell its not sitting well. So that barrier will have to remain there. I would like nothing more to come out and tell people but for some it just cant happen. As for friends i will not say anything till my SO knows everything then it will be dont like it the shut then door on the way out. I am also hoping the therapy will help me reilise where i am on the spectrum and make it easier when i do come out fully

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Rogina, Some people have their minds made up and nothing is going to change that. ~~......