I will appoligise if this is a rambelling post in advance
I am 37 and have had CD dentanceys most of my life. I cant pin point excactly when it started all i know it was when i was young. Indulging in secret and eventually supresing it when dating started. At the moment i am getting back into it more and more. I also have a GG partner who atm knows i wear panties, heels and high rise jeans and get pedis with colour now and then. She says she is ok with it but i am not so sure.
I semi came out to her when i couldnt face hiding aspects about my nature (BDSM fetishes and such). During some light play i confessed to the fact i liked heels and panties, this sparked the usual are you a transvestite and are you gay questions. My reply was no to these but as i have had more freedom the CD desires are becoming more and more.
Now this is where the problems start ( not quite true). My SO is a very unwell girl. She has condition causing lots of pain, this has also had detremental effects to her mental state which are pretty extreme. So for now talking about this is proper out of the question.
this is frustrating but has to be done. I to are going through some mental turmoil with this and trying to accept myself. I mean all my life i have thought about how females feel and sex changes. But when i CD i dont try to pass, i am just a guy in female clothing. I have also been out in public in heels and once in a skirt hose blouse and heels. The feeling was thrilling to say the least. I also have no probles going into shops to buy stuff. Once i was shopping for heels and asked a SA to try a pair on and was laughed at! To which i asked to speak to the store manager and complained about it and got the heels for free. Alot has to be said about confidence. Anyway back on track. The issues i am facing atm are i am unsure where i sit in the community. Am i trans fluid,transgendered or just a cross dresser i just dont know! I have an appointment with a counceller to try to figure this out. Am i doing the right thing?
Sorry again for the long post