Here comes one more of the wife/SO question.
I told her only seven weeks after we met, and she was frightened, sad and afraid of what this meant. We continued together but had a DADT. This summer I sat down with her and talked about how we didn’t deal with this side of me. I also gave her a letter where I wrote down everything so I knew that she knew what I was doing. She was glad I wasn’t trying to be a woman, but that it primary is about the clothes. We agreed that I don’t dress in front of her, and she doesn’t want to see me dressed. It’s ok for her that I dress outside even though I risk meeting someone we know.
After the conversation this summer we have made great progress. I tell her when I am going out and don’t sneak around anymore. I have my clothes in my closet, and we mix my clothes when we are doing laundry. If I have been out she often sees my clothes beside the closet before I put it in the closet. I know she doesn’t like this, but she accepts that this is a part of me I can’t stop.
It is important for me that she has seen me dressed, but this has never happened. I believe it would make it less dangerous instead of her making up pictures in her own mind how I look and how I behave.
I respect the boundaries we agreed on, but as many others I want to push it further. Today I was home from work sitting in our office doing some writing all day. I was wearing a skirt and tights the hole day. I changed before she came home. Before dinner I told her I was going to dress while writing and warned her if she was coming in. After dinner I went back to the office to finish the writing, but I didn’t tell her I was going to continue dressing. I have to admit it was a little on purpose.
The door was open into the office and she was outside for 15 minutes. I thought she must have seen me several times. Then she enters the office and start talking to me and she discovers the skirt. She turns around and says angry and sad to me; “I thought we had a deal, that I didn’t have to risk seeing you when I’m home”. I knew I had pushed it to far this time. I told her I had warned her, but she didn’t think I would continue after dinner. I said I wanted her to see me so she knew and maybe it wasn’t so frightening. She said she was afraid she was going to look at me as a female friend afterward and she didn’t want that to happen. The evening continued as usual with just a short conversation about the incident.
I know I was pushing too far and being on the edge of our boundaries. I believe she would accept it more if she would have seen me. I really don’t change my personality when dressing and have been told this from several friends I trust.
Was I going too far this time? Was I disrespectful? How could I get her to see me dressed so I know she has tried? Does anyone have any experiences?