Purging

[daviolin]

I used to purge all the time. That was when my wife didn't know about Daviolin. Also I didn't have very many hiding places for my things. Now that my wife is on board with my desire. Purging is just a bad word. It will never happen again. Oh boy I need a bigger closet. So be it. Daviolin

[Jaylyn]

I have not purged since my kids have all grown up and moved out. I still fear that if I were killed in an accident that I would regret my kids finding my things. If I'm the first to go then my wife now knows where I keep all things and she says she will dispose of every thing. If we go together then I will be found out by those who feel I'm 100% male thru n thru. Don't guess it will be of any shocker for me but I prefer my kids not know. My wife knows me like a book and she says she has always known I've had a small amount of kindness in me and she wasn't surprised Jaylyn finally stepped out. She has told me many times to keep my things with hers and we do share the same tops and several other things. I do feel better about not purging on a regular basis now. Growing up to adult hood I think I dressed or would. Sneak in moms make and her old clothes because they were so smooth and alluring to me for some unknown reason. Ever now and then I would keep things she threw away. After I became a husband at the age of 21 and for 40 years I purged when I became overly religious or guilt set in. I am much happier in life by not having to purge but also apprehensive sometimes about my death and kids finding out. I guess for some dressing is a roller coaster.

[Cheryl T]

Katey888 summed it up for me.
Shame - guilt - ignorance - fear - and a misplaced belief that one can consciously suppress this permanently

Of course that was Long Ago, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away...in a time when there was no real acceptance and the immediate assumption is that one was Gay, Queer, Pervert. You were shunned by friends and family and marked for life. I went through a number of purges and it took me many years to accept myself and realize this is part of what makes me ME.

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was young I purged quite a few times trying to get rid of the desire to dress up.

I would cut everything up so I couldn't change my mind but the desire always came back strong.

[Janet161]

Unfortunately, I am an expert in purging. I used to do it all the time. It came from my lack of understanding of what I was doing and why I was doing it and of who I really am. I lived for a very long time with guilt and shame and a fear of being discovered. The fear of being discovered, IMHO, is not a mere fear of being found to own some girly clothes that you put on from time to time. It much more serious than that. It's a deep seeded fear that you will not understand until you really figure out who you are and accept yourself. Its the fear that the world will discover who you really are and will despise you, reject you , hate you, ridicule you, etc. Its a really horrible thing. Its a fundamental thing. It is fundamental to your truth. I think that purging is something that one will have to deal with until you make that discovery of who you really are and then accept yourself. No easy task.

Now, once you do that, there is a whole host of other problems, ha ha, but at least you won't get rid of your nice things anymore.

[Kiersten]

I purged because of guilt and the fear of being caught. I also thought If I removed the temptation that the feelings would go away.

[irene9999]

I dd a small purge before moving to a new apartment and threw out a lot of good stuff so I regretted doing that. Now I keep my clothes/accessories even when the desire to dress goes away because the desire certainly comes back eventually

[Lilly Diadem]

I have purged for the reasons many of the other girls have mentioned - guilt, disgust, repression, lack of self acceptance, denial and removal of temptation.

I have also been forced to do it.

I am fortunate in that I won't need to do it again and the only clothes I get rid of now will be those that are too threadbare to repair or wear.

[Judy-Somthing]

Over the last week I've been purging some of my junk but, not my girly stuff Last week I tried to tell my SO I liked/LOVED dresses but the conversation went bad FAST.

My wife is so cool but so straight if that's the right word. After telling her I'd like to wear a dress she freaked out, I love my wife But, I also love my clothes so I hid them very well.

I think I will purge some of the items that I hardly ever wear.

Yea I know I left the (e) out of something , it was a typo

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Donna, I've never purged but I have thinned out some closet space and donated what I no longer wanted. ~~......

[AndrewJenny]

The fear of being discovered, IMHO, is not a mere fear of being found to own some girly clothes that you put on from time to time. It much more serious than that. It's a deep seeded fear that you will not understand until you really figure out who you are and accept yourself. Its the fear that the world will discover who you really are and will despise you, reject you , hate you, ridicule you, etc. Its a really horrible thing. Its a fundamental thing. It is fundamental to your truth.

Very well said. I've come out to various people as bisexual; I've told people that I am submissive, with a married mistress who dominates me, and that I sleep with her husband as well. But I've told very few people about my crossdressing, and when I do, I always frame it in terms of TS/TG rather than "just wanting to wear pretty things" (it definitely has TG elements, but still). Somehow, even for a guy who has been decidedly non-masculine my entire life, I just can't bring myself to tell other people how much I LOVE to wear skirts and stockings.

[AmyB]

As previously stated, for me, it was shame or moving to new sub leased rooms etc, so I didnt know how the others would take it.

I'm lucky now, I have two garages at my house & my wife doesn't go into the one where my race car is, so they are locked in a toolbox in there.

[Ally 2112]

I have purged for all the reasons that have been said and always regretted it no matter what the reason .I will do it no more !

[nikkiwindsor]

Purged a few times for different reasons: my wife told me to, shame, hoping it would curb my desire to dress.

[wendy]

When I was single, purging was not in my vocabulary.

When I met my g/f (now my wife), I kept my CDing hidden but I did not purge, but as life progressed we decided to buy a house together and I then purged. After living together for abit, I bought women's clothes again and after a while I purged fearing she would find out.

Fast forward to now, and I no longer purge and I admitted to my wife I CD.