Gender Identity Counselling

[Sarah-RT]

Hey all!

Just thought Id let anyone who is interested in knowing that ive begun the process of trying to organize counselling/therapy for gender issues.

There is a clinic here in Dublin that deals with gender therapy and they are supported by TENI - The transgender equality network of Ireland.
Ive always kind of coasted along in life, anytime Ive had a problem I just wait until it goes way or resolves itself to the point that if im sick I dont bother going to the doctors because it will just pass in time.

The last several months I feel like ive been having a major gender identity crisis BUT it hasnt gone away. I used to go through the throes of dressing on and off depending on the guilt and shame levels to now where I havent felt guilty(thankfully) in a long time but I still just feel uncomfortable and im not sure why so I figured id step up to the plate and see what a professional might have to say.

Ive sent off an inquiry email just now so Ill see what they say when they get back, hopefully it will be in the morning.

The problem is though, im afraid they might Identify me with gender dysphoria, but I am equally afraid they wont.

to use an alice in wonderland quote (I seem to be quoting a lot lately) ''would you tell me please, which way I ought to go from here?''

I think ive asked this before but for anyone who has had counselling before was it worth it?

My parents had offered me counselling if I wanted it when I came out to them but I declined at the time because I didnt think it would be of much use.

Sarah

[JessiFoxx]

I haven't had counselling yet and am strongly contemplating it soon. From what I have read here lately any amount of counselling is always worth it! My only regret is not being brave enough in my youth or a support network like this one. Go for it!

[Dana44]

I wonder about that also. I would say do it because you may find the answers you need. Perhaps you are just a crossdresser and struggle gender dyphora a bit. But perhaps they can help you look within and answer those questions.

[MissDanielle]

Counseling was worth it for me. I knew i had some gender issues and saw a therapist. I stopped playing mental gymnastics with myself and came to terms with being trans in November. After that, it was far easier to come to terms with being attracted to men.

[Closeted Kat]

I recently came to the point of seeing a therapist. I'm glad i am, as it is really helping me put things in perspective and help guide me a bit as i learn more about who the real me is. I'd say its not worth worrying about what you do or do have, it should be more about getting to know yourself and help process it in the healthiest ways. Least that's my take. hope things go well for you.
-kat

[Acastina]

I think it's a pretty defensible opinion that anyone experiencing stress or conflict that starts to interfere with everyday functioning and peace of mind should strongly consider seeking appropriate and sensitive counseling. When the terms "counseling" and "therapy" overlap, there is a perfectly natural inhibition. "Therapy" sounds like treatment, as in chemotherapy, and that can provoke a defensive reaction: "But I'm not sick and don't need treatment. I'm just kinda ... confused or something." Simply put, psychotherapy is a treatment, but not in the sense of chemotherapy or hormone therapy. It's counseling, an educated provider trained to help others understand themselves and find solutions to their own individual issues on their own terms at their own speed.

If you start with a therapist and feel confronted or pushed in an uncomfortable direction or at an uncomfortable speed, that's an issue of the therapeutic relationship and not of therapy itself. Either have it out with such a provider or try another one.

One crucially important point is to seek counselors with at least some specialization in gender issues. There are more than a few GP therapists who will take on gender-conflicted clients without knowing much about the peculiarities of this particular human variant, with tendencies to view any such issues as inherently pathological and/or impose ideological or religious agendas. Gender-trained counselors are much better equipped and prepared to take you as you are and go through the process non-judgmentally. For example, if you've always thought you were "just" a CD but now feel you may be TS, a gender specialist has a much better shot at helping you answer your questions in a way that prepares you to go forward, whether with long-term therapy or on the other side of a therapeutic course of visits, however you resolve that issue.

The essence of the process is the therapist hearing the client out thoroughly, eliciting self-honesty and self-awareness, and exploring various ways of reducing the stress and conflict so the client can make better decisions. It can also involve suggesting contact with affinity groups (such as this online forum) in which the client might explore further self-knowledge and find fellow travelers and new friends for whom the gender issues are more entré than barrier.

Full disclosure: I am not, and have never been, a therapist or psychological counselor and have no pecuniary or professional connection with any such.

I have, however, been a client of more than one. If you're hurting and conflicted, it's a strong step toward getting better.

[Heidi Stevens]

Sarah, you seem to realize that you need some help to sort things out. That is a great first step to getting your answers. Make sure your Gender Therapist is a Gender Therapist. A general therapist will probably not have the knowledge that will be needed to aid in your search for answers. About 18 months ago, I had some of the same question and arrived at the conclusion I was gender dysphoric. To make sure I sought out a gender therapist, gave true, complete answers and she came to the same conclusion. The therapy gave me a new starting point and I've progressed from there. You can too!

[xNicolex]

Hi Sarah this is a subject I know all too well, Fair play to you for trying to start something like that up. I haven't had counselling and I am out to very few people just my GF and two close guy friends. I surpressed the urge to dress for 10 years and now at 27 I've only just excepted myself as a crossdresser this past year. Being misdiagnosed is a fear I would share as I would think if I'm not gender dysphoria then what am I? I do feel fear of being left in limbo or between two posts But I would like to know. Then again I am only just finding my feet with dressing and I am enjoying being me. But like you said ''I used to go through the throes of dressing on and off depending on the guilt and shame levels'' At first I felt that way but now I think I just want to go with it and enjoy it more. I hope counselling works out for you and you get the answers you want

[Sarah-RT]

Thanks everyone for the replies so far.
I haven't gotten a reply yet like I had been hoping and now I feel a little bit anxious but as Danielle said; I'm getting tired of the mental gymnastics

[Katey888]

I think if you feel this is a good thing for you, Sarah, it will be a good thing to explore...

The difficulty any of us would have with this is probably finding the right therapist as - from what I've read here and elsewhere - gender dysphoria is very difficult to diagnose definitively. I suspect the true benefit for you (and the hardest part) will be the process of being guided along some introspection and soul-searching as you try to get to the core of your issues and who you are beyond that.

Just remember to keep an open mind with it all and don't be shy of seeking a second professional opinion if something is not feeling right for you. Counselling in general is useful to just get to the nub of issues we're confronting and dealing with any longer term, past issues that may be lingering - I'm sure you'll touch on other stuff as well as just the gender side of things...

Good luck! Be open, be honest, be yourself...

Katey x

[Teresa]

Sarah,
I had six sessions out of sixteen with a gender counsellor through Relate but the budget overspend closed the system down, it may restart on a trimmed down service.
The answer I was trying to find was I TS or not , I'm happy I found the answer that I'm not, it would have been such an upheaval at my age with my family, so now I Know I'm TG I openly accept that and feel comfortable with it, my family now know what they are dealing with.

I don't understand why you are concerned about GD , I accept it as a label to work from to define where I am, the fact you know doesn't make any difference to how you feel.
I accept that I'm male overlaid with a female trait intertwined with my sexual needs , a male lesbian if you accept the term . I don't wish to change anything physically, I'm not interested in men so I'm not Bisexual . CDing satisfies the female need in me , I don't feel ashamed or guilty any more , it's part of me and nothing is going to change that .

[Sarah-RT]

I finally got a reply from the counselling service to say they were all booked up.. Great!

Back to the drawing board.

[Judy-Somthing]

Of course don't take anything I say as that I'm an expert in anything.

I like who I am, let's face I you don't like yourself you won't be happy.

Cross-dressers feel it's wrong and weird to cross-dress because other people who don't cross-dress say it is.

I asked my wife "how many guys do you think out of a hundred cross-dress?" her reply was "it's more like one in a thousand" I said it's thought to be more like 5%

Everyones pushing us back in the closet.

If you met a cross-dresser like the ones on this sight, would you think they're weird? NO!

As I get older I want to be who I am not someone people tell me to be.

Well I hope thinks work out for you.

Hey I'm Irish, do I look it? LOL

[MissDanielle]

Sorry to hear that they were booked up. Hang in there.

[xNicolex]

that's a shame they were booked out.

[Wen4cd]

Keep shopping around. You never know what you'll get. My last therapist I shopped up online suggested I sacrifice my blood to Norse Gods when I was having my sort of kundalini awakening phase going on. I never went and did it, but the suggestion amused me so much that I forgot what I was upset about.

They are likely not going to give you a magical test and positively or negatively diagnose you with 'gender dysphoria' and if they did it would still mean less than most people give it credit for.

Dysphoria just is the opposite of euphoria, it's extreme unhappiness, (aka misery) Gender dysphoria just means that you are in a state of misery concerning your gender.

So, if they ask you "Are you in a constant state of misery concerning your gender?" and you answer "yes, I am in utter misery concerning my gender" then they will say you are gender dysphoric. But really you could diagnose yourself by the way you answer the questionnaires.

But if you say you are sort of uncomfortable and confsed, then you will probably not be labeled as such. They might do it like "On a scale from one to ten, with ten being suicidal, how unhappy are you concerning your gender?" And check the yes box at any reply above 8 or so.

I don't know what will accomplish or mean to you, but I hope they will also give you some good counseling at the same time.

One more thing to keep in mind, if an outfit is recommended by, or says they are 'supported' by some political trans network group or whatever, then your diagnosis and treatment is going to be biased somewhat. Probably biased towards whatever it takes to transition in Ireland, as these outfits are sometimes custom made for that purpose, and counseling in that arena is seen as just another hurdle in a long process, so the counselor you get might be used to quickly moving people through to the next step in their business as usual. Some might be even a bit over-eager to "diagnose" you and get you right on board of their process, and refer you right to their next partner, etc. Be careful that's what you want.

[Tomara]

I finally got a reply from the counselling service to say they were all booked up.. Great!

Back to the drawing board.

Hi Sarah ,

Can you ask to be put on a cancellation or when they have an opening list ?

If you are willing to go to therapy and are honest with the therapist and yourself you will have a positive outcome .

[Eryn]

I've been seeing a counselor for a year. She really didn't diagnose me. Rather, she helped me figure out for myself what was going on.

I hope that you can get started soon. For me it took a while to get comfortable enough to confront the important issues.

[Tina_gm]

I had a good overall experience with a very professional LGBT counselor. They did not attempt to persuade me in any direction. Did not attempt to persuade me to do more, or be more. I also get what you are saying Sarah, about being afraid of being diagnosed with GD, or being TS, but then being afraid of not being diagnosed that way too. You want to be validated about your feelings, that they are real enough that a professional gender counselor will recognize you as genuine TG, but yet oh no, not wanting to be told that you will never be happy unless you go all the way through transition. I guess in my case, my counselor did exactly that, affirmed me to be TG, but did not insist in anyway that I was headed straight for womanhood. He told me that there are many out there who live somewhere in the middle between genders, or being both, and said that I likely was within this group.

[SandraB]

Sarah:

Not sure if you've checked this out already but there is a TPSG (Transgender Peer Support Group) run by TENI at various locations in Ireland.
The one in Dublin meets every 2nd week. While I've no experience myself of trying to find a therapist, many members of the group will have this experience.
I'm sure they could offer you advice based on their own experience of various counselling services as well as how best to get an appointment.
Alternatively, you could call TENI (contact details on their website) and I'm sure they can give you advice. I see you make reference to TENI in your original post,
so maybe you've already done so.
In any case, all the best in getting the help and advice you need.