Ladies Room

[Abbie965]

Just wanted to know if anyone has ever been arrested, or heard of, for using the ladies room? I go out dressed a good bit, and my only fear is using the ladies room when the need arises. I've been dressed while traveling (car) for work, and have avoided the rest area's for this fear. I usually travel GA, SC, NC. Funny, I can check in to a hotel, go to dinner, mall etc etc, but I am just scared to death of the ladies room. I have used it several times, I go in, do my stuff, then leave, never a problem...so far.

Abbie....

[Caren_G]

I was talked to by an officer in VA, but wasn't arrested. That was about 10 years ago, but nothing since and have been in many restrooms. I just go in and do my business and then leave. There was even once that I went in with a gg and we changed to go to a club and shared the only stall and changed while another woman came in to wash her hands.

[Eryn]

I'm sure that in the past you can find examples of people being arrested for being in the wrong restroom.

Occasionally people will be harassed for the same thing and we've heard those stories here.

However, one would think that on a CD forum of thousands of members there would have to be someone who had been arrested for being in the "wrong" restroom but it doesn't seem to have happened at any recent time.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Abbie,
Can't say I've been arrested or had any other issues.
I always try to avoid restrooms altogether if possible, for that
particular concern.
I just saw on the news here tonight. San Francisco is starting some new
legislature to make public restrooms "All gender" restrooms.
No more holding it all night YAYYYYY!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Tracii G]

Never had a problem using the ladies room.

[AllieSF]

I had a very good friend who was transitioning and was arrested in a small off strip casino in Las Vegas of all places. They never pressed charges and let her go. She thought that it may have been a set up by some of the working prostitute trans girls at that casino. So, you never know. I have been out hundreds of time here in the San Francisco area, Las Vegas and Detroit, Michigan and never had a problem using the women's restrooms. Do a search here and you may be able to find an old thread that had a list of laws and regulations by State about restroom usage by trans people. There may even be a sticky thread too. Good luck.

[Sandie70]

Over the last 50 years I have been used to European restrooms, many that have urinals in open view of the entrance to the women's rooms - and don't forget those women who clean the men's rooms... not bothering to close them down and simply scrubbing things down while you pee.

So, when I use a woman's restroom, I don't even think about it. Doing my business in the same room as women is natural to me. Of course, when I do this, I have dressed as well as I could to "pass," trying to look like I really want to be a woman. I think that if I simply put on a dress and go into a women's restroom with a growth of beard and hairy legs... well, I would expect to be arrested.

With that said, I've never had a problem - so far. Even when I knew some of the other women in the room had probably "clocked" me. All in all, the ladies I've encountered in restrooms didn't seem to be bothered by my presence.

[Krisi]

I have not been arrested for using the ladies restroom and have never hear or read a story about someone being arrested for using the ladies restroom.

On the other hand, I remember reading laws prohibiting anyone above a certain age (5 or 6 or so) from using a restroom marked for use by the other sex. Since such laws could be state or local, it would be pretty hard to compile a list of where it's legal and where it's not.

Regardless of specific laws, one could be charged with disorderly conduct, indecent exposure or several other laws depending on the circumstances.

What never comes out in these discussions (and it's a common thread hear) is the "passability" of the person using the ladies restroom. If you look like a woman and act like a woman, chances are, there will not be an issue. If you are a "man in a dress" making no effort to pass as a woman, that's another story and you are likely to make other females really uncomfortable and the police or store security may well be called.

The other issue you may have to deal with is the protective father who sends his six year old daughter into the ladies restroom and then sees you (as a non-passing male) walk in or out. Even though your mind is on relieving yourself, he may think the worst and take matters into his own hands.

Common sense tells us to try to find a unisex single stall restroom or failing that, a "family" restroom. These are becoming more common as new buildings are being built or old ones renovated.

[Lauri K]

I have not had any problems using the ladies room. And amazingly enough I have been chatted up by a few ladies recently in the ladies room commenting on my clothes or just saying hello.

[Katey888]

Abbie - I think you're unlikely to be arrested for just using a restroom in either the US or Europe (Sandie is right about the non-sensitivity to division in some parts of Europe - in general, we're a little less puritanical over here... ) but you should be aware of local legislation that supports any transgender rights to use the restroom of your choice. There are some web resources around - one is: http://www.refugerestrooms.org/about and there may be others. If you can find a unisex or single person facility, so much the better...

Katey x

[Sarasometimes]

I don't think being arrested is very likely although UMMV. I have used the ladies on occasion (a multi-stall arrangement) but I do avoid them when possible. I try for single seaters or unisex restrooms. I know most Starbucks have them. I have found hair salons will let you use their most of the time, I just walk in as about their services and prices and then ask if I may use their restroom. I tend to feel uneasy when i use the multi stall so to avoid the stress I look elsewhere.

[Tara Rushing]

Common sense tells us to try to find a unisex single stall restroom or failing that, a "family" restroom. These are becoming more common as new buildings are being built or old ones renovated.

Most of the bigger "supercenter" type retailers have these now. I have not been brave enough to go out in public yet, and one of my fears is needing use the restroom, so hopefully this trend of "family" restrooms continues to grow.

[Krisi]

If in doubt, survey the area in advance in male mode. Make a note of unisex or family restrooms.

[ChristinaK]

Living in CA, it's just not an issue. The law says that we can use the bathroom we feel is correct for what we think our gender is. Having said that, I have used women's restrooms all across the US. Restaurants, casinos, rest stops, convenience stores, theater, etc. A couple of times I have even had to stand in line, no strange looks.

I have never had any woman look at me funny or otherwise. A couple of times I have applied lip stick and at least once have had a short conversation that I can remember.

If you dress like a normal woman, even if you're 6' and 220lbs. like me, you will not garner any attention that would result in the pitchforks coming out. Even if there is suspicion, I believe that most women don't want to risk being wrong and making a fool out of themselves identifying a real 6' amazon.

Now, if you wear stiletto heels, leather minidress and fishnets at Walmart, you're going to ask for trouble. But, I still don't think the purses would start flying.

I do know that in Houston, the law has recently been set to discriminate, so I wouldn't want to push the issue there, but I have been to the restroom many times in Dallas and not had a problem.

[Stephanie47]

I always think discretion or caution is needed. In Washington State a rule/regulation just was implemented by the state concerning usage of public restrooms. Basically, it states transgenders may use the restroom applicable to their sexual identity. Uproar? Wow! Although state law prohibits discrimination in housing, employment, etc, you'd think aliens have landed. The issue that has arisen is the expectation of privacy when using the facilities. Many women just do not want to be confronted with a genetic male in the restroom. The whole issue of creeps exploiting the law has arisen. Some representative are talking law to prevent such usage.

I know there are many states that do not prohibit discrimination against transgenders. If I were so inclined to travel en femme I'd be checking the state laws. There are just too many variable in the laws.

[donnalee]

That proposed public restroom law in SF only applies to single seaters and, as many businesses have already done that, it really isn't that earth-shaking.

[Lauri K]

I do know that in Houston, the law has recently been set to discriminate, so I wouldn't want to push the issue there, but I have been to the restroom many times in Dallas and not had a problem.

While it is true that HERO failed in Houston, it has not changed how those of us that live here decide upon which restroom to use. Most of us are still using the ladies room just like we have been all these years, long before any local ordinance was even considered to be necessary. Is there a risk to using the ladies after HERO failed, sure, but the risk in the men's room is unchanged pass or fail on the ordinance. You decide which risks you can afford to take.

I have said this 1,000 times and will repeat and rinse, this patchwork of local, county and state laws regarding LGBT discrimination is a total fiasco and no one should be expected to know the laws regarding restrooms of all things from town to town, state to state, and so forth.

We need FEDERAL protections for employment, housing, bathrooms, healthcare and everything that falls under the umbrella ..........end of discussion.

In the end we must unite on this to end discrimination no matter what the issue.

[DeeArel]

In my opinion, the Ladies Room is for ladies. I find that if I act and dress like a lady, there is no issue with using the ladies room.

[MelanieAnne]

I usually travel GA, SC, NC.

That would be a red flag for me. Whether you are actually convicted of anything is irrelevant. Simply being arrested, cuffed and hauled off to be booked, and possibly having your car impounded or towed is bad enough, even if they drop all charges. It doesn't really matter what the actual law says. What matters is what the complainant or the officer perceives is or might be a violation. And you might be considered a sex offender, even if the charges are dropped. All it take is a hysterical woman to come screaming out of the restroom, or the protective father to try and detain you for the cops.

[Jilmac]

Whenever I'm dressed and presenting my feminine persona I will use the ladies room when the need arises. I have never been confronted for doing what is normal in such a facility, and have even conversed with GGs while washing my hands or doing my hair and makeup. I recall only one incident where I was with a group at a local casino, and my cd friend was told by security to not use the ladies room. Needless to say, neither of us will go back to that casino.

[Lauri K]

I recall only one incident where I was with a group at a local casino, and my cd friend was told by security to not use the ladies room..

I recommend if this happens to your friend or others again to contact Lambda Legal’s Help Desk (toll-free: 866-542-8336 or www.lambdalegal.org/help) which takes calls from transgender and gender-nonconforming people who have experienced discrimination / restrooms included.

[melissa_rinaldi]

Been in at least 500 including a couple at the Mötley Crue show on December 30 with no issue. Only problem was at the Chumash casino in Santa ynez where Mr plainclothes told me he was going to have me arrested after demanding to see my license

[alwayshave]

Only problem was at the Chumash casino in Santa ynez where Mr plainclothes told me he was going to have me arrested after demanding to see my license

Ah, while California laws allows you to use the facilities as you present, this does not apply on tribal land, where tribal law trumps state law.

[Katey888]

I have said this 1,000 times and will repeat and rinse, this patchwork of local, county and state laws regarding LGBT discrimination is a total fiasco and no one should be expected to know the laws regarding restrooms of all things from town to town, state to state, and so forth.

We need FEDERAL protections for employment, housing, bathrooms, healthcare and everything that falls under the umbrella ..........end of discussion.

In the end we must unite on this to end discrimination no matter what the issue.

Allow me to boost you to 1,001th

This is why community activism and vocal support is most important. Having consistent and fair rights on this and other issues should matter! (More so for the US than Europe, I know, but I thought the point was worth stressing as too often we seem to fall into the "I'm all right, Jack.." mindset here...)

Katey x

[Angela Marie]

I use the ladies restroom or a unisex one. I have never had an issue. Then again I have a slight feminine build so it is a bit easier for me. Laws and customs vary here in the states. One person opined about a federal law. Given the political climate in the US I don't see that happening in the foreseeable future.