So people do talk

[carrie001]

I work in a very "Alpha" environment, and we had a less than normal customer. Older, dirty sweatpants, long white uncemtp hair, with flowers. He wasn't remotely trying to pass. Still, people gathered to snicker and laughed. One guy remarked "I've seen him at other places in a dress. Not even caring."

And I only felt admiration for him, nutter and all, but it broke my confidence a bit, to hear what happens when "we're " out of earshot.

I don't have a point to this post. Just a bit of a reality slap I didn't want.

I love me.... it's the rest of the world that's ****ed.

[MissTee]

Unfortunately, yes, it does happen and I've heard it quite often. Most people will be polite to your face, though.

[Pumped]

Where I work is kind of alpha male too. A customer will come in that is a bit feminine and once he leaves the guys go on about if he was gay or not. Sometimes it really gets out of hand. I avoid the conversation but have commented that you never know. Sometimes the hunky manly guys are gay, and the feminine guys are straight and happily married, you can not tell by appearances. I enjoy wearing heels and I have a couple pairs medium heeled boots that at a glance pass for men's, but I would never wear them at work knowing how the alpha males would respond if they figured out the boots were a woman;s style.

[Michelle Crossfire]

Unfortunately, yes, it does happen and I've heard it quite often. Most people will be polite to your face, though.

you don't have to cd for that to happen. too many two faced people nowadays

[pamela7]

that's my SO's biggest fear about me being out and about as a woman - that other people will laugh at me and us. Well, they will, you can't stop that, so you either hide - not an option - or you just get on with it, like the guy in flowers. Someone has to be the village idiot and for sure it's a way to destroy the ego :-)

[Jenniferathome]

I think that presentation does make a difference. If you look like a bum, you are more likely to be derided regardless of cross dressing. Look like you belong, care and are deserving of respect and you will be respected.

[Amanda M]

If they are talking about you, they're leaving someone else alone!

[Donnagirl]

If you can't hear the comments, why worry about them... Some people just bitch about anyone and everyone.

[kittie60]

Alot of alpha males are idiots when there together, and have no remorse about someones feelings. With that said there are always comments, it seems to make them feel good about themselves,to belittle anyone who they think is different, I just ignore them and carry on.

[Laurana]

Of course people talk. Everybody(male and female) does or has at some point. That's what they do. And anyone who says they haven't is a liar.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Peer pressure up close and personal. Bear in mind that your Alpha associates would probably also snigger at...

Fat people
Anorexics
Short people
People who lisp
People with unusually thick spectacle lenses
Foreign people
Coloured people
People with chronic acne
Conspicuously poor people
Women with large breasts
People with nervous mannerisms...

...none of which makes your discomfort any less real...but these are not highly evolved workmates we are talking about, just run-of-the-mill idiots. Think 6 year-olds in the playground and your assessment won't be far off. And I'll bet you that some of them look longingly at their wives' panties in the washbasket, and that some of them have tried them on...or are wearing them to work. It's a lot more common than you might think.

Hugs, Nikki

[Marcelle]

Hi Carrie,

For some, it is just second nature to make fun of things you don't understand and this is normally done out of earshot of the individual. I conducted a social experiment some time ago where a GG friend of mine remained in stores after I left and listened to any comments from SAs or other customers after I left. For the most part there were none but some were downright rude and these same people were polite to my face. It is a hard pill to swallow but unfortunately if you are going to go in public you have to expect it and develop a bit of a thick skin.

In the end though, as Donna points out, if you don't hear it . . . why worry.

Cheers

Marcelle

[adrienner99]

There will always be morons. I try to remember that they would NEVER have the courage to do what CDs do.

You can't control what people say. You can control how it affects you.

[mykell]

of coarse people talk, you dont even have to leave this forum to know that, we all have opinions on everything that touches us in our daily routines,
its human nature,

this week while working i heard a crew of contractors making fun of david bowie, thinking to myself the women he had the pleasure to be with would never give these guys the time of day....

same day a fellow i was working with talked about a TG person he worked with on the crew, called them "that thing" ....thought to myself for a second and explained to him that we have a "that thing" in my family......he squirmed for a second and apologized....i told him not to sweat it that we had some time to cope with it and learn about it, he didnt know it was me i was talking about.....even if i had used a made up family example i try to have them think about what theyre saying

[CarlaWestin]

I've been weathering this very same thing lately with family and coworkers. My brother tried to tell me that stupid joke about Caitlyn getting a new pet.
My reply to the shitheads is, "Someone very close to me is transgender and I don't think that's funny."
Shuts them right down.

So, wait a minute. Let's drill into this. In the realm of male camaraderie there's this air of bravado. Or machismo, as it were. A subtle in-look into the psyche matrix of the prewire that encourages males to launch their genes into the future. Men don't carry around videos of their conquests. They only boast. Well, I don't but, cis-males do. It's a big superiority/inferiority conflict thing. So, the bravado thing is elevated by the mental masterbation of negatively commenting on anything that appears to be non-hetero.



I sure hope that made sense.

[Barbara Jo]

It's a fact of life and human nature.......people will talk about other people when they are not around or when they think they can not hear therm .

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I were at a minor league baseball park this past summer. A couple sitting in front of us with whom we started a conversation was so comfortable with their opinions the husband shared "modified" pictures of Caitlyn Jenner....pictures with crude remarks overlayed on her picture. Sometimes people are just plain idiots. Unfortunately, even idiots get to vote. Just look at the anti transgender legislation that passes...or the legislation that fails to pass that would protect transgenders.

I cringe every time I read on this forum the advice to just don your dress and heels and go out because nobody really cares. Well, too many people care enough to let friendship just flicker out. Invites to the BBQ or festive event diminishes. I hear adverse comments concerning gays and lesbians, transgenders, immigrants (legal and undocumented), blacks, Asians..you name it, somebody dislikes a certain segment of society.

When confronted with ignorance it is everybody's duty to confront it.

[Tracii G]

Human nature and not much you can do about it.
Like Carla when I hear CJ or trans jokes I'll say something like thats not funny.

[sugarbabe]

alpha males are idiots

Something happened and a lot of extra words were added to your post

[Katey888]

When confronted with ignorance it is everybody's duty to confront it.

Yep! 100% agree Steph... and help educate people - but not everyone has either the willingness or capacity to receive wisdom.... far easier to simply go along with whatever the media or internet are throwing at them as soundbites or humorous stories...

Carrie - it is a simple fact that all of us are open to this whether we hear it or not, regardless of how we present or where we are. As Tracii rightly says, it's human nature for some people to disguise their own insecurities by denigrating others - please don't let it get to you... While I agree with Steph that some 'getting out' advice here is cringeworthy, you do have to find a way to say to yourself "I'm doing this because I need to for reasons that are valid for me - if someone else has a problem with that, it's their's to deal with and it is NOT going to spoil my experience!"

This "alpha" BS is just that... it's become a catchphrase to justify bigotry and bullying - no more...

Katey x

[Robin414]

I'm honestly not sure what people say when leave ear shot. When I'm in 70/30 mode I've thought a guy was checking out my behind...pretty sure he commented to the the woman behind the counter he was hitting on 'that's one pretty looking dude 😃 '

[Dana44]

I used to work with a lot of Alpha men. They act like they are from a different planet. I have met them in business as heads of corporations. Gee I never heard one of them say anything highly intelligent. Seems they still have the caveman mentality.
Like "Ugh, hey just do what I say or i'll lick your a**."

[pamela7]

it's not "alpha", but it is "beta" or "gamma" - the lower males and female. I find top top people very open and nonjudgemental.

Its not only CD or minorities who get it though, so also do celebrities, at all levels, looking at the caitlyn debate here, this forum is not immune. As a leading member of a therapy community I found the dunces attacking me behind my back.

Such peole are weak-minded and contemptible, but i feel sorry for them instead; they have been moulded into what they now are.

[bok4fun]

If they are talking about you, they're leaving someone else alone!

I have been saying this for years. I have tough skin, and let it roll right off of me.

Parish

[sometimes_miss]

Where I work is kind of alpha male too

That definitely has nothing to do with it. I work with a group who are 80% college grads, and of those, 20% have post grad degrees, in a science field. And there are plenty of those who make fun of us behind our backs. I'm not out, either; so I get to hear all the snickers and jokes. It's a tough world out there; it's not pretty for those of us who cross the line, or the clothes.