Since I don't really have anyone around me that understands my situation, I figured venting with people that have been in my situation would help.
I was about 14 when I started dressing as a male. It made me feel completely awesome when I would do it. I would introduce myself as "John" to everyone I came across and wouldn't let up on giving anyone my real info. After 6 months of doing that, I dropped the whole male thing. I dressed as a full time girl, had boyfriends, and became a born again christian to help me rid myself of what I considered an "illness".
After lying to myself for 2 years and thinking I was some sort of bad person, I went back to dressing as a male and have done so until now. My only problem is that I've landed myself in a rut. From the age of 16, I have introduced myself to everyone as a male, lived as a male, and have gotten insulted if anyone even questioned me being anything but a male. When I go to work, I dress as a female because well I have to and act like your everyday girl that's into guys. When I come home, I'm your everyday guy that is into girls. It's really eating at me.
Is it possible to have friends and not tell them the truth about who you really are underneath the clothes? I feel like I'm in that movie "Boys Don't Cry" about Brandon Teena. Sometimes I just want to yell out everything about me, I don't know why I'm so scared though. Advice? Personal experiences anyone?