So you go to buy your pink frilly panties. You wait til the coast is clear, sneak over and grab a package, hoping that group of what SEEMS like 500 obnoxious teenagers didn't see you, but you got them. Maybe they aren't laughing at you, but you imagine they are They are now in the cart hiding under the vacuum bags or whatever "coverup" because you know, the cashier won't notice every item you are buying.
Well, you need to feel like a man for a moment so you go look around in the hunting section. So you gather your nerve and head to the registers. Ahh look, self check-out. You can just scan and pay. Be on your way and back to your shiny black Ford F-350 super duty truck with chrome trim.
So at the self check-out, you scan the vacuum bags, then go to scan the undies. There doesn't seem to be a tag on them anywhere. Oh f$%@. Well you cannot really slip away because the cashier has asked if you need help while staring at the pack of undies. So you try to sound bold and calm and say, "There isn't a tag on this." By this time, the Self check-out has become Grand Central station. You also notice that group of "500" teenagers approaching the check-out. You pray to (whatever you have faith in) that they don't see you. The cashier stands there staring at the package to try to find a SKU. Of course there isn't one so she has to call the DEPT and describe what she is holding. The person on the other end doesn't understand so he will have to come up and check. Of course he is just getting off lunch so it will be a few minutes.
He finally comes up after what seems like 4 hours and they both stare, he digs thru his phone's store app to find a SKU, and about this time the manager wants to know what is going on cause managers like to "get involved". So there all three of them are, trying to figure out the SKU. The company butt-kisser notices the group and decides to join in also cause he or she is just THAT important. You look around like you are bored (instead of like you are sweating blood) and notice there are more cameras than at a presidential debate.
You know when you can feel your face turn beet red like it is on fire? So they finally get the SKU, you fight with your credit card for a few minutes (the cashier has to help again) and are on your way.
Walking back to your truck, you feel mortified. You see your testosterone truck parked out there and walk by a Toyota Prius. A pink one. With those headlight "eyelashes". And a Betty Boop air freshener hanging off the rear view mirror. You swear you can hear your truck laughing.
So the point is - yes, Self check-out IS a good idea.
