You have me mixed up with someone else. I have no wife, and never claimed a great relationship with my wife!You are clueless about relationships, despite your claims of a great one with your wife.
All you flamers might want to read this recent thread.
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...tting+divorced
Last edited by MelanieAnne; 01-30-2016 at 02:40 AM.
I told my wife - because for me it was wrong to keep a secret this big from her - has not always gone well, but in the end love won out and she accepts my need to dress
For me, there is no 'one size fits all'. Circumstances alter cases,and by and large, I'm with Jennifer on this issue. However, there is NO one way!
If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!
On the thread you refer to, I counted only 5 responses claiming it led to a break-up of the relationship . The thread I referred to had 232 responses.Originally Posted by MelanieAnne
Hi Sarah,
I think with all forums, you take the advice that works for you and reject the rest. No one persons situation is the same as yours. Nobody has a wife the same as yours and no one has a relationship like yours. We are all different. There is no one size fits all approach to any of this. It's great to get a view from everyone and everyone has a view that is equally as valid, but at the end of the day it's you facing your unique situation between two unique people. It's not you saying what should and should not be done whilst hiding behind a computer without any fear of repercussions.
Judy-Somthing. Put your underwear away and go and talk to your wife...you know,the woman you married and stop bullshitting her.
Give her some time to let it register. It will probably take some time but she will eventually come around.
Hi Sarah,
So sorry to read things went as they did. The decision to tell is a momentous one for certain. Some choose to tell others do not. For those who choose to tell there are only two outcomes IMHO: (1) acceptance on some level or (2) exit visas. In reading your post the good thing is your wife did not run screaming for the hills which to me implies she is digesting the information. Give her room, let her process and as others have suggested communicate. The elephant in the room is now visible and needs to be addressed.
Cheers
Marcelle
Well done Sarah
now its out in the open,just let her come to you and ask questions in her own time DON'T FORCE HER.
how about taking your wife out to dinner/lunch somewhere ?.
GOOD LUCK
Carolyn
I hope others don't base their decisions on just this perspective - this forum represents only a cross-section of the community and a part that is very heavily 'out' in every sense but especially to SOs - that skews the perspective here and it would sadden me if anyone really took what people post here as gospel without seeking alternative views.
There is a kind of "mirror" site to cd.com - crossdresserswives.com - but this is no longer publicly viewable... When you could view it, it was clear that the level of non-acceptance amongst the broader CD community wives and SOs is a lot higher (and vitriolic) than represented here... and while this site aspires to some good ethical ideals, it doesn't represent a completely balanced view - Marcelle is right about outcomes: putting an historical value against the outcomes is not an indicator of what will happen in any individual circumstances.
Sarah - you've always seemed very sensible about this - I hope your wife is able to see that this need is not something completely frivolous and that you are still the husband you were to her before... There is good advice here on how to make the best recovery from this point on... good luck again..
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
You are the same person you were 10 minutes before telling her as you are 10 minutes after you told her.
She will just needs time to process the new information about the man she thought she knew.
Honesty is always the best policy, but I had a hard time telling my wife too.
I was lucky and she was accepting.
Hi Sarah
Good luck going forward, Please remember this is not just about crossdressing. Having told your wife she will be wondering why it took you so long to explain. As a result its the lack of trust which will be annoying her most.
The fact you are still communicating is a good sign. Trey to be patient and answer the questions she will have as honestly as you can.
Sara, it is good to hear that things seem a little better today. This is something that might take some time. For many wives, this is a huge bombshell. In my case, and I've seen others say the same thing, the really big issue was that I was able to keep such a big secret from her for so long. Show her that you love her, show her that she can still trust you, and be wary of the pink fog. We are all rooting for you, and know that we have your back if you just need to some sympathy.
She's talking to you...she's asking questions.
Keep talking, keep the dialogue going.
For me one of the most important things was to make certain she understood that this had absolutely NOTHING to do with her. It was not something lacking in the relationship, not something missing in her that I was looking for, not a substitute for her and above all that I was so torn hiding it from her and needed her to understand and share this important part of myself.
She had to know I was not competing with her as another woman might, that I was not trying to outdo her, that my dressing and my style were just that, MINE.
We did lots of talking, lots of crying but it was well worth the effort to not be hiding from her, not stealing time from her anymore.
Just keep talking and most of all be sure she knows everything. Another secret now would be devastating.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Well that makes two of you
No use having regrets. I'd advise you to take her on the most expensive vacation you can afford, very soon, and do not pack your wig and heels.
Hugs, Nikki
I used to have a short attention spa
Sarah,
If she said "I love you," and it wasn't just a rote response to your statement, then you are in good shape. Like everyone says:
DON'T PUSH IT!
I just went through this 2 weeks ago. My experience was between yours and Jenniferathome's. My wife was totally shocked, she had no idea.
For me the pink fog kept trying to roll in as I reveled in the the fact that I had no secrets from my wife and she still accepted me. Please hold back. She needs space and time to adjust to her new perception of you. Talk when she wants to talk, but don't force her to talk when she isn't ready. Be totally honest, the biggest problem my wife had was the damage that such a big secret has on her trust for me. I explained the shame and lack of self acceptance that led me to hide it from everyone for almost 20 years before I met her, and more that 20 years with her. I explain the self denial, where I thought I had overcome it and could put it behind me, and the shame when I was again proven wrong. She accepted that as justification for the secret and gave me back her trust. But, she is still very sad that I didn't feel I knew her well enough to trust her much sooner. I'm sad about that too.
If you do end up in DADT, don't do anything that you wouldn't be willing to tell her immediately if she ever indicated she was ready to talk about it some more. Re-starting the secrecy will be even more corrosive to your relationship, and will destroy any trust recovered after your last big secret.
Good Luck!
Daphne
To give you all an update, things are looking much better this evening. Last night and this morning I was worried I'd made a mistake. However, we had a couple of good chats this afternoon. At first my wife was saying things like she didn't think she could even kiss me because of thought of me dressed as a woman. However, things have progressed and we chatted about lots of things. I reassured her about where I am with my dressing. She asked about what clothes I had and I freely told her about the dressing sessions. I think I put her mind at ease quite a bit, but she doesn't want to see my photos or see me dressed (to be honest I don't think I'm ready for this either). She doesn't like the idea of me going out (I've not done this) and to be honest I don't want to go out.
Interestingly enough, she commented that it was obvious that I was enjoying telling her about my experiences. I said I thought that this was because I could finally talk about this rather than keeping it bottled up. We've even joked about it a couple of times this evening as well.
So, all in all, within 24 hours of coming clean, I'm hopeful she will end up reasonably tolerant of my dressing, but won't want to see anything. Early days I know. Her apparent tolerance may come and go, but hopefully we can carry on being able to talk and work through any issues.
So at present, I feel I've done the right thing and a great weight has been lifted from me. It's still not easy for her, but given how quick she has shown some tolerance, things may turn out ok. Let's hope so! She is a wonderful woman and I'm very lucky to be married to her.
Good Luck Sarah - I certainly hope it all works out for you both together.
Lilly x
Totally awesome and completely unsurprising news! Good for the two of you!
Glad to hear it! I suggest laying really low on the subject for a while. It can be hard to keep it slow when you first see signs of acceptance. Just make sure you don't overload her with your enthusiasm.
Great news! One word of caution, don't make any commitments about what you want to do either at this point. Your journey has just begun as far as being honest with someone about your dressing. Pay attention to your real desires and feelings and keep sharing with your wife. Let it unfold and see what happens!
Suzanne
You have two perspectives to manage. Since your the one "dropping the bomb" the burden is on you. My advice is to follow her lead as to what she can handle. Ease into it and DO NOT push the things. If you waited 20 yrs a few months isn't a big price to pay. Try to slowly introduce Sarah to your wife, but most importantly explain the very beings of where Sarah came from. This may help her understand your not crazy but rather trying to live life to your fullest
Good luck
Kim
I never chose to dress as a woman, dressing as a woman chose me
dear Sarah,
my compliments on sharing with your wife, whatever the outcome, I am proud of you!
x Tara
Thanks for the update Sarah...hoping that everything works out well for you both!
Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
For the first time, outdoors during the day:
http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg
I have had the "talk" with my wife about my dressing as well, and received pretty much the same reaction that you you did Sarah. What made my wife the most upset about it was the fact that I had been hiding it from her and lying to her about it for so long (the lying about it was because of the way that my parents would treat me when they would catch me dressing when I was a child, it was so harsh that it caused me to hide that side of my life from everyone. It has also caused me to suffer from chronic depression, bipolar, and several other mental issues.). We have had a few conversations about it since I came out to her about it, and she is now okay with me doing it as long as she doesn't see it and that I don't do it around our children.
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