Long post, but I have been looking around here and felt like I should reach out. I am in my early twenties and my boyfriend is in his late twenties. We have been together for almost two years and we live together. We are inseparable and share everything from interests, friends, and now his secret. I guess I wasn't surprised he told me he's into cross dressing because our relationship started out with us meeting at a "goth" event at a gay night club. He's always been femenine and I love it because I felt like he understood me better.
Now fast forward to now, he finally told me he's into cross dressing after I confronted him, when I found some of his stuff, while I was cleaning. I thought he was cheating or was holding onto stuff from the past. Anyway I told him it was cool and okay and honestly I was more hurt he couldn't tell me sooner because I had told him I was open to everything and anything and I knew something was wrong because we were rarely intimate and it was wearing on my self esteem.
So now it's the opposite. We are more intimate and we have discussed looking at clothes and shoes and makeup for him. He wants to start at home but eventually go out in public to events where he won't be judged like the club, which I think sounds fun. I thought everything would be perfect after I got him to tell me all and have no secrets but now I am depressed because I feel like it's all about him. I am being selfish but I was so used to his attention on me and now it's about him. In bed when he's dressed he's very submissive but it's about him as well because he wants things done to him which I don't mind at all but I feel like he's become fixated on that. When he's in guy mode he's still attentive and puts me before him but when he's in girl mode he is more selfish.
I understand and I want to let him be himself but I guess I just don't like it all being about him. Like shopping wise it's all what he wants now, from underwear to clothes to toys it's what will make him feel better or good. Same with my own clothes. He's taken free reign of my stuff and at first it was cute but now it's like having an annoying sibling stealing your clothes. I want to tell him something but I know he'll be upset and take it personal. He's super sensitive and emotional. I call him a crybaby (in an affectionate way) because he literally cries when he's upset or gets butt hurt way too quick. I feel like if I told him to stop using all my clothes or trying to look like me or be so selfish he will shut down and be withdrawn and sad. I can't do that to him because I love him tons and I love the idea that we can play dress up and I can do his make up ( I am a pro make up artist). He's still self conscious about things like his weight and body hair so I told him I'd wax him (I am an esthetician) and we can start a work out routine and what not. I like taking care of him but I am scared that in his girl mode he's become more selfish and I have read around the internet that some cross dresseser change personalities of become selfish and it only gets worse. I also asked him if he wants to be a girl and he said yes but doesn't want the sex change. He just didn't give me a clear answer because I was trying to figure out if he's going to want to be a girl permanently later. He told me he's felt femenine since he was a teen, but isn't gay. He said if he was born female he'd still be attracted to women. I guess I am just worried and scared about the future as well because he wants to get breasts (not surgical ones) which I am okay with but I am worried how he will change. He's already changing with my acceptance of him being a cross dresser. I think he's cute in female clothes and makeup, I am just trying figure what's going to happen to our relationship.
Thanks for reading