What's next? A toy tea party with stuffed animals?

[Lena]

Why do I get so giddy over wearing my big girl panties, makeup and high heels? Why do I act like a 10 year old girl wearing mommy's heels, makeup, jewelry?

I was thinking about getting ears pierced, so I bought cheap magnetic earrings as a trial. They were little gem studs but came in packaging designed for children. I put them on and liked them. But later when i was looking in the mirror, it hit me. I'm acting like a little kid.

Now, I feel kind of embarrassed that I do this. It's like a weakness. How much time have I spent pretending? Shaving? Epilating? Make up? Shopping?

All the while, it seems I'm just a kid walking around and pretending.

Now when I look at myself, I see that little kid picture where the kid did her own makeup, wears her mom's oversized high heel shoes, with self made up hair and oversized dress. You know where the little girl is having a tea party with her stuffed animals.


I'm conflicted. I think I'm done.

[SHY KIM]

Lena
It's a roller coaster for many of us. Your feelings are similar to my current state of mind, I fell into the pink fog pretty hard 6 weeks ago and over the last week have felt it start to lift a bit. I'm happy, because it lets me focus on other (probably more important) things. But I also know I'll have the desire again to become Kim. It may be a week or 3 months. Hard to say, but when it comes I'll be acting just like that "little girl playing dress-up" AND LOVING IT.
My suggestion, pack your things up and if the fog comes calling again, you'll know what to do
Hugs,
Kim

[bridget thronton]

Play is very important to good mental and physical health

[Lena]

Yeah, I know it will come back. It's like what my friend said about quitting smoking. "It's easy to quit. I quit 20 times with each pack. The hard part is not starting again."

I can pack it up easily and say I quit dressing. Piece of cake. Leaving the clothes boxed up is hard.

[karen inside]

Play is very important to good mental and physical health

Keeping myself around functional genetic females , observing and being a part of their conversations has helped me to mature in all of this and just to simply enjoy nice feminine clothes and habits. The pleasure of sitting down for the evening, dressed in casual clothing and not even even obsessing on it is my escape.

[audreyinalbany]

Probably the thing that bothers me most about my crossdressing is not the 'immaturity' i feel sometimes....playing 'dress up', wearing 'mommy's clothes' (which is, after all where all of this started for me many many many years ago), but rather the energy it absorbs. It's like the crossdressing takes over sometimes and for a week or so it's pretty much what I focus on. Then I'll kind of get it out of my system for awhile untill the next time. I've often wondered how much I'd dress if the situation were 'normalized' with my wife; if I could present as female anytime I wanted, would the excitement go out of it?

[Karen RHT]

Reading your post Lena, that old Jerry Read song about "attitude adjustment" came to mind. No I'm not suggesting someone beat you into submission; only suggesting that as long as you consider your dressing as childish and immature, you will likely be at odds with yourself.

My wife didn't get her ears pierced while she was a little girl, she had them pierced later in life. My wife doesn't consider it "childish" to try different styles of clothes, or a different lipstick, or shop just for the fun of it. Her outlook and mood is totally different when she shops out of necessity (groceries, or household goods for example) than we she shops for the fun of it. Does that change of mood make her childish, or is she simply having a little fun experimenting?

Kids aren't the only ones who pretend, as they aren't the only ones who posses and use their imagination.

You're not the only one to feel conflicted. Until we accept ourselves, the vast majority of us feel conflicted.


Karen

[UNDERDRESSER]

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

[sometimes_miss]

Still playing dress up, but it's no longer about trying things on to see what it's like. It's about wearing what I feel like I'm supposed to be wearing, and feeling comfortable in my own skin. And yes, as a kid, at one point I was having tea parties with other little girls and we played with dolls and stuffed animals. If it was Ok for them, it was Ok for me. It was the beginning of the woman's lib movement.

[Amy Fakley]

Well, I'm no therapist or anything, but from my perspective it just sounds like guilt and shame trying to find justification through "but you're an adult and this is childish".

As others have said ... literally billions of adult genetic women get out of bed each day, put on makeup and try on clothes and get ready for the day. Sometimes they change clothes and makeup multiple times, either because they're searching for a new look, or because they enjoy the act of searching for new looks. This isn't an especially childish behavior.

Granted, by our age genetic women typically have a lot more skill at these tasks than we do, because they've been actively encouraged to practice them openly and freely their entire lives. We have not, to put it mildly.

I didn't start learning to play guitar until I was in my early 30s. I was already proficient at a few other instruments, so sitting around learning my major scales and basic chords was frustrating and exciting at the same time (much like learning makeup skills). I felt childish, and embarrassed. I wouldn't let anyone hear me practicing. It was a silly sort of anxiety to have in retrospect

[AllieSF]

It sounds like you are still conflicted about your desire and need to dress up as a woman. When you can accept it for what it is, something hard to explain but also something that gives you great pleasure, then you are starting to control it and not let it control you. I think guilt will always be around for a lot of us, but that guilt does not have to control us. Guilt can be good when we get to over involved in anything when there are other higher priority activities out there that need our attention. It is like an unconscious red flag that needs attention. I do hope you can come to terms with this side of your life. If handled correctly it can bring a lot of pleasure to us and help balance out other aspects of our lives that need balancing. Good luck.

[Beverley Sims]

This is just one of the many feelings you will have as you walk through the web of cross dressing.

Others are guilt, shame, fear, and bravado to list a few.

However shallow it may seem it is something you only have to share with yourself.

Think of the positives and enjoy what you do.