When you first began dressing, were you also confused with your sexuality?

[Tammy494]

Before I get jumped on, I know that the belief that all cross dressers are gay is NOT true. I've talked to many of you and I see how there are many of you who are completely straight. But my question is, when you first started dressing at whatever age it was, were you confused about your sexuality at first? Im not sure if any of you remember my situation, but I'm in a relationship with a CD. I had to break up with him for him to finally come clean and he BARELY confessed. It was more of him just spitting it out finally to win me back because I told him it was the only way. But I still have fears, and I still have no clue what's going through his mind. So He's 24 right now, what was going through your mind at this point in your life with crossdressing?

[Nadine Spirit]

Hi Tammy-

My situation is a bit different than others. I never cross dressed until sometime in my twenties. But I have always had gender non-conforming likes and behaviors. Anywho.... I have never been confused as to my sexuality. I have always known that I enjoy women sexually. Though with my likes and dislikes being so different than the typical male and having only ever been shown that any different type of male must be gay, I did question if I was gay. I have always come to the same conclusion though, if I was gay, shouldn't that mean that I am attracted to men? Which I never have been. So even though the answer to your question is a yes, I have pondered it, the answer has always been no.

I kind of think that if one never considers this question, that is more concerning than someone who does consider it. Because if one can't even consider it, then one is too afraid of what the truth might be. I am not afraid of being gay, I'm just not attracted to men.

[Jenniferathome]

...

I kind of think that if one never considers this question, that is more concerning than someone who does consider it. Because if one can't even consider it, then one is too afraid of what the truth might be. ...

But Nadine, how does one "consider" a subject when there is no question, no doubt, no debate? I am white. Should I consider if I am white? My sexuality is equally obvious to me. There is no internal debate, despite the fact that I cross dress. That's a thing, unrelated to my sexuality.

[Nadine Spirit]

But Nadine, how does one "consider" a subject...

Because I consider everything. I question everything.

Am I white? I think so.... at least that is how my skin looks. But being adopted, I don't really know my ethnicity. So do I ponder it? Yup I do.

Unlike many, as a youngster, I did not realize that sexuality is not connected to gender. Thus I thought it might be connected.

I question a great deal of things that I am becoming more aware that many people don't.

It is simply my opinion that questioning one's likes, dislikes, behaviors, traits, etc. is a healthy thing. Clearly you and I disagree.

You know that whole "unexamined life" thing?

[Mickitv]

Certainly never understood it when I was young. As I got older and began to understand I just loved it and as I dressed more I knew that I wanted to be with men but I did add women later which is why I consider myself bisexual

[S. Lisa Smith]

But Nadine, how does one "consider" a subject when there is no question, no doubt, no debate? I am white. Should I consider if I am white? My sexuality is equally obvious to me. There is no internal debate, despite the fact that I cross dress. That's a thing, unrelated to my sexuality.

I never questioned my sexuality as well. I agree with Jennifer and couldn't have said it any better.

[MarciManseau]

I was about 5, so nothing to be confused about at that age.

[MissDanielle]

seeing as how gender identity and sexual orientation are two different animals, all I know is that I felt an urge to raid my mom's closet in 8th grade but did not understand why. Same goes for every time I entered a store that sold women's clothing. I was young and not educated enough to understand what was really going on at the time. i do know: i'm a woman born with the wrong body and starting HRT next week.

[Katey888]

Tammy - like many others here, when I started I had no idea of the complexities of sexuality - it was a need derived from some other part of my persona but not initially sexual. As others have said before me - if you're looking for reassurance as to his behaviour, we won't give you that by just 'voting' on it and sharing our own feelings.

As to guys looking at porn - is there anything more normal in today's world? I had to lockdown our family PC many years ago when our youngest (at about 12 or 13) had started browsing some of the more lurid stuff on the web... After some discussion it became clear that this was nothing more than curiosity. Because it remains so taboo, it's exciting to jump a fence - go where you shouldn't... curiosity is natural - at some point you have to trust him as to his motivation for being curious - there's nothing explicitly wrong with being intrigued by what lights other folks' rockets...

Lori also said it right about everyone wondering whether this meant something about their sexuality once they developed a better idea of what sex actually means to people as they mature - I'm sure I wondered about it, but having never felt any moments of lust for a guy, it seems that I am rather boringly straight (unless - as a good friend of mine would probably say - I just haven't met the right guy yet... )

I'd say go back and work on communication between the two of you - he may take years to really understand his motivation for doing this, but if you're prepared to work with him on understanding, then I think your trust may build.

Good luck!

Katey x

[docrobbysherry]

Tammy, I'm definitely an odd duck on this issue. But, maybe u can get something from my experiences?

I grew up and matured with absolutely no gender or sexual issues. I was quite simply a straight male until I reached age 50+. Then, I suddenly began having fantasies of becoming female and being with men! I began crossdressing in private. I was pretty sure I had suddenly become gay/bi because of my graphic fantasies of being the woman with men. Which confused me because I had never been attracted to any man before.

I dealt with this issue for 10 years until I resolved it in a rather simple manner. I still had these sexual fantasies with men. But, I had never been attracted to any real male or any male parts, including sex parts. But also, shoulders, facial hair, muscles, self assured personalities, etc., etc. Soon after I worked this out the fantasies completely vanished!

Again, no idea if that's where your SO is. Maybe u can ask him pointed questions to see where he is?

[Tracii G]

I learned I liked crossdressing when I was a junior in High School.
Had a small test of my sexuality with a boy around that same time.
I did lead a normal life got married and had kids but the sexual aspect was just that a sex act, nothing too much more because my partner wanted it.
I was confused to some degree until I realized I was more interested in guys not girls.
Gender and sex are two different things and I know most people can't grasp that concept but I hope you can.

[Judy-Somthing]

I've always been very attracted to women. And have never even had any curiosity in trying anything with a man.

[AmandaM]

Hi Tammy,
He might just be "exploring" his feelings. I went through this. I've crossdressed since 5. At 21, I wanted to know if I was gay. So I went to a bar and went home with someone. We went all the way. It was pretty much mechanical. While pleasurable, it just wasn't fireworks like with women. From 17-25, I was a player. I have been with more women than most. Still, I've always had the lingering fantasy of being a woman with a man. Man on man didn't work for me. Anyway, since I'm still married, I won't indulge that. My advice is that curiosity or fantasies are okay, but, if he has a need to indulge himself with anyone other than you, it's best for you to find out right away.

[lemon_meringue_tie]

I pretty much always recognized that I was sexually interested in males, just not in any situation where I perceived myself as being male also. However, I find both sexes attractive. Though to me, there is a difference between attractive, and being sexually interested in.

[AllieBellema]

Honestly, sexuality never crosses my mind with whatever I do. I do it because I enjoy doing it and it makes me happy to see myself look like that in the mirror!

[Jenniferathome]

No. Never confused about it. I liked girls in grade school and that never changed. We are wired to be what we are. No one chooses straight, gay, whatever. Funny story, I had been dabbling in cross dressing since I was 8. But, when i was about 13, I wore my first dress. Moments before I put on the dress I wondered if doing so would "make me" gay. Like that's a thing. I mean I'm standing in my sister's room in pantyhose, a stuffed bra and her heels and I am wondering if a dress will put me over the top! Kids.... So stupid.

[dana digs sweaters]

No. Never confused about it. I liked girls in grade school and that never changed. We are wired to be what we are. No one chooses straight, gay, whatever. Funny story, I had been dabbling in cross dressing since I was 8. But, when i was about 13, I wore my first dress. Moments before I put not he dress I wondered if doing so would "make me" gay. Like that's a thing. I mean I'm standing in my sister's room in pantyhose, a stuffed bra and her heels and I am wondering if a dress will put me over the top! Kids.... So stupid.

Funny story Jennifer. Thanks for sharing.

[AmandaM]

Tammy, get out! He says he's a sissy and calls men "daddy"? This is a guy who wants men to treat him as a woman in bed. If he was just curious, or just a vanilla crossdresser, I'd say give him a chance. But this is NOT what you have described. It is WAY more than that.

[Milly1410]

Besides my attempt as a baby, i enjoyed CD being 19 yo. I was confused too, but learned i still love my gf anyway, so I think i'm still straight anyway. I learned there are two souls living inside of me, and I let them coexhist in this way.

[PattyT]

I learned there are two souls living inside of me, and I let them coexhist in this way.[/QUOTE]

This pretty well sums up how I feel. One side of me is very masculine and have always be staight, with no homesexual inclination or desire to become a female. My romatnic relationships have always been with females. Yet ever since I can remember there has been this feminine side of me, and the dessire to express it by wearing female clothing. I guess you could say there are 2 souls living within me and now they finally coexist.

It seems that this is one CD category. Those who wish to become females perhaps fall into another CD category or even the transexual category. Perhaps there is a broad range of CD types. This is an interesting but tricky topic, however, and beyond my experience however, so I'll leave it at that.

[Tammy494]

I kind of think that if one never considers this question, that is more concerning than someone who does consider it. Because if one can't even consider it, then one is too afraid of what the truth might be. I am not afraid of being gay, I'm just not attracted to men.

I feel this is a good viewpoint and I think it's important that he addresses this with himself even if he isn't.

I completely agree that they are two separate things, but as Nadine is saying, I'm wondering how many of you have been confused about it along with all of the other confusion that comes with the crossdressing.

[raeleen]

Hi Tammy,

I think that because society in general does not differentiate clearly between gender and sexuality, many of us are pre-conditioned to think that the two are linked. Pile that on with the fact that many crossdressers begin feeling the urge to dress early in their lives and then through puberty, when sex and sexuality seems to cross-over to just about everything, it all becomes one big murky mess.

If your partner is just starting to come to grips with their own dressing, it wouldn't be shocking if they were still questioning some aspects of their sexuality. Not totally shocking for anyone in their 20's. I'd try to be patient with him and just encourage him to be honest with you about what he's thinking. good luck!

[Adriana Moretti]

i was confused with my sexuality at a young age, but this had nothing to do with my dressing...from what i remember from back then...i dressed cause i enjoyed the clothes and I never questioned my own sexuality when dressed....when I wasnt dressed though I DO remember questioning my sexuality and wondering why I felt the way I did. Btw...I am pretty much gay.... or bi is maybe a better term i ( I would never kick the right girl out of bed) ...

[carhill2mn]

No, I was never confused about my sexuality. I started wearing my mother's clothes at such a young age that I really knew nothing about sexuality at the time.

[Amanda M]

Tammy, when I began crossdressing I was most certainly not aware of my sexuality. I did not even know that different sexualities existed. I was simply drawn ( and this is NOT cop out) to female underthings. Don't ask me why. But I was. If this strikes a chord with anyone, please make your point.

Later, as an Army medic, it rarely crossed my mind. I then met my wife - who is the best woman any man could wish for, and initially I felt little or no need to waer the underthings I had enjoyed. However, true to type, the wish raised it's head again. At first, that was fine. However as time rolled on, I began to be more and more confused about myself, and this impacted on my wife. She is so perceptive that it was inevitable. We talked. WE tried to work it out, and to a certain extent we succeeded, thanks to her tolerance and acuity.

Later, though, things got tough. I started to throw guilt tantrums (and for those of you have any psychology training, these were transference)

Fortunately, I got a hold of myself, and over time, we are - well, one. Enough that Catriona gave me a birthday card which said "I am yours, for all of my life." How lucky can I be to have that kind of love?

In short, then, I am still "Straight" sexually. Never had any doubts about that. I think I am much like Jennifer - without the looks. Just being who we are, and enjoying the days we have left. Listen, young ones - they pass too soon. Make your life NOW. Tomorrow may be a bit late.

Thank you to all of those here who have helped, given me support and made me think. All of us out there need each other, so be kind, but honest.

Hugs to all!