Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 1234 ... LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 113

Thread: When you first began dressing, were you also confused with your sexuality?

  1. #26
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Puyallup, WA (USA)
    Posts
    4,461
    I personally have never been confused about my sexuality, to include when I learned that I loved wearing high heels and skirts.
    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  2. #27
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    3,754
    I figured, since I'd never heard of 'normal' men wearing wearing women's clothes, that I must be gay. Turns out I was right, but then I transitioned, so I wasn't, or maybe I was, but I'm not, I guess. I confused now, and I'm going to sit down.

  3. #28
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Old Hampshire, UK
    Posts
    5,272
    Tammy - like many others here, when I started I had no idea of the complexities of sexuality - it was a need derived from some other part of my persona but not initially sexual. As others have said before me - if you're looking for reassurance as to his behaviour, we won't give you that by just 'voting' on it and sharing our own feelings.

    As to guys looking at porn - is there anything more normal in today's world? I had to lockdown our family PC many years ago when our youngest (at about 12 or 13) had started browsing some of the more lurid stuff on the web... After some discussion it became clear that this was nothing more than curiosity. Because it remains so taboo, it's exciting to jump a fence - go where you shouldn't... curiosity is natural - at some point you have to trust him as to his motivation for being curious - there's nothing explicitly wrong with being intrigued by what lights other folks' rockets...

    Lori also said it right about everyone wondering whether this meant something about their sexuality once they developed a better idea of what sex actually means to people as they mature - I'm sure I wondered about it, but having never felt any moments of lust for a guy, it seems that I am rather boringly straight (unless - as a good friend of mine would probably say - I just haven't met the right guy yet... )

    I'd say go back and work on communication between the two of you - he may take years to really understand his motivation for doing this, but if you're prepared to work with him on understanding, then I think your trust may build.

    Good luck!

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  4. #29
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    21,127
    Tammy, I'm definitely an odd duck on this issue. But, maybe u can get something from my experiences?

    I grew up and matured with absolutely no gender or sexual issues. I was quite simply a straight male until I reached age 50+. Then, I suddenly began having fantasies of becoming female and being with men! I began crossdressing in private. I was pretty sure I had suddenly become gay/bi because of my graphic fantasies of being the woman with men. Which confused me because I had never been attracted to any man before.

    I dealt with this issue for 10 years until I resolved it in a rather simple manner. I still had these sexual fantasies with men. But, I had never been attracted to any real male or any male parts, including sex parts. But also, shoulders, facial hair, muscles, self assured personalities, etc., etc. Soon after I worked this out the fantasies completely vanished!

    Again, no idea if that's where your SO is. Maybe u can ask him pointed questions to see where he is?
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 02-10-2016 at 08:45 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #30
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,271
    I learned I liked crossdressing when I was a junior in High School.
    Had a small test of my sexuality with a boy around that same time.
    I did lead a normal life got married and had kids but the sexual aspect was just that a sex act, nothing too much more because my partner wanted it.
    I was confused to some degree until I realized I was more interested in guys not girls.
    Gender and sex are two different things and I know most people can't grasp that concept but I hope you can.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
    Expert plumpologist

  6. #31
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,360
    I've always been very attracted to women. And have never even had any curiosity in trying anything with a man.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  7. #32
    Dr. Girlfriend AmandaM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    2,131
    Hi Tammy,
    He might just be "exploring" his feelings. I went through this. I've crossdressed since 5. At 21, I wanted to know if I was gay. So I went to a bar and went home with someone. We went all the way. It was pretty much mechanical. While pleasurable, it just wasn't fireworks like with women. From 17-25, I was a player. I have been with more women than most. Still, I've always had the lingering fantasy of being a woman with a man. Man on man didn't work for me. Anyway, since I'm still married, I won't indulge that. My advice is that curiosity or fantasies are okay, but, if he has a need to indulge himself with anyone other than you, it's best for you to find out right away.

  8. #33
    Member Chelsea B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Inland Empire, CA.
    Posts
    321
    I have always loved women, not only from the sexual/gender attraction standpoint, (and of course the wonderful things they get to wear), but pretty much everything about them. I've never wanted to be one, but when I started dressing at 14, I think it may have been that admiration that I had already developed that enticed me to try and see what it felt like.
    As I was just coming into puberty, there was a powerful sexual component as well, incredibly arousing. Despite that, I never had any confusion about what I was and what gender I was attracted to.
    I love being a man, I just love feeling like a woman sometimes, and getting to know my feminine side.
    Not a woman, I just enjoy looking and feeling like one now and then!

  9. #34
    Non-binary/Questioning Mayo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Toronto, Canada
    Posts
    380
    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy494 View Post
    I think I need to be honest here and explain why I have this fear. Months back, I found a bunch of links on his laptop and they were all either profiles to CDs/TS people and/or links to what seems like CD/TS porn. Most of them seemed to be old so the link didn't work anymore. I came across 1 non CD/TS link of two men.
    TS porn is very much available nowadays and I think a lot more men look at it that would be willing to admit. (Be aware that this stuff by and large doesn't reflect the reality of the TS community, in the same way that porn in general isn't a realistic sample of how most people look or what they do). My (not extensive) reading on the subject doesn't suggest that it's in any way an indication of homosexuality - it's made for (nominally) straight guys and gay men probably wouldn't be very interested in it. To find a single link of two guys in what is undoubtedly a pile of porn doesn't suggest that he's gay either. He might very well be bi-curious, though.

    I understand that you're concerned, and I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, but I'm unclear from your posts on exactly why you're feeling so threatened. You don't seem to be (too) worried that he might cheat on you, so I'm led to conclude that your (not unreasonable) fear is that, if he's gay, he'll leave you - or that he won't and it'll come out after you've invested 20 years in a marriage and family. Is that it?

    You mention that he's not homophobic, but are you? Are your views about what constitutes masculinity being challenged (is he 'not man enough' for you)? Would it be a terrible thing for you to learn that he might be bi or bi-curious? If he were, would non-monogamous sex play (e.g. threesomes, or perhaps an open relationship) be something you'd consider, or do you see those sorts of things as potentially detrimental to your relationship? Would you be open to pegging him if he wanted or does that thought disgust you?

    I suppose I'm wondering if you have a clear understanding of your fears or is it more of an unfocused 'what if' thrown up by the unknown? Being able to articulate exactly what's worrying you might be helpful.

  10. #35
    Member Kiersten's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    476
    No, I am and always have been attracted to girls.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Location
    Washington, DC Area - Maryland
    Posts
    778
    No, had no interest in men. Wanted to be with other girls as another GF. Never thought of having sex with them as had NO interest in my male bits. Only after SRS did I have a lesbian affair for awhile, on my terms FtF. I did have sex with str8 men for awhile. But they did not give me the satisfaction I was after. I lived with another MtF for 38 years. Not a lot of sex but a very loving time.

  12. #37
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    30
    Wow a lot of great replies. Every time I come on here, it blows me away how helpful and knowledgable you all are. I appreciate it a lot. I'm very aware that nobody here can give me a clear answer as to how he feels, it just helps me to understand more and rationalize what could be going on with him. He knows we have to talk about things, I think he's just scared. It's only been about 2 weeks since he admitted it. I set boundaries not to use my clothing and we discussed getting him his own.

    As to your questions Mayo,
    Honestly you've asked a lot of questions that I haven't thought of. I am not homophobic at all, never have been. However at this current time, being with somebody bisexual or gay is very past my comfort zone. It's not that I think it's wrong or gross or anything like that. It's simply that I feel
    If he were bisexual or gay, the desire to be with a man would only increase over time. Without me knowing, this would definitely devastate me if I found out way down the line. I have read things about a lot of straight men looking at TS/CD porn and I also considered the fact that it might just be something new and different for him to look at. I won't know until we truly talk about it. I'm not concerned with him being "less manly" because I love that he has this feminine side, and I want to learn more about that side of him. This is all still new to me even though I've been on here for a few months but I just wanted to get input from all of you lovely individuals because it really gives me comfort and I learn more and more every time I come here.

  13. #38
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    6,337
    Tammy, "straight" men do not watch at TS/CD porn.

  14. #39
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    2,334
    Tammy - If you discovered that your boyfriend was crossdressing, and if he denied dressing until you broke up with him, and if he only BARELY confessed, and if you have found TS porn links that disturb you - and if you still have fears and no clue what's going on in his mind - you probably need to get some help beyond the array of opinions and stories offered in this thread. No one here is a therapist or professionally trained or experienced to address serious relationship issues which you seem to have. No one here is exactly like your boyfriend and no one knows him or you. There are several serious red flags for you to deal with - honesty, communications, crossdressing, possibly more? Maybe you should confide in a friend you trust, who knows him and might be more objective than you. Maybe you should seek a therapist who could help with an approach to address your fears. Maybe you should insist your boyfriend sees a therapist. Get help or your fears and doubts will continue and might get a lot worse.

  15. #40
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Old Hampshire, UK
    Posts
    5,272
    Tammy - this is surely a difficult situation for you to try to come to terms with - I'd suggest taking your time over all this to absorb what you're feeling and what has been revealed. I wanted to highlight something that you said that I've seen before here and while not homophobic, I think does stem from the conditioning we have as 'normals' and is a stereotypical reaction:

    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy494 View Post
    Honestly you've asked a lot of questions that I haven't thought of. I am not homophobic at all, never have been. However at this current time, being with somebody bisexual or gay is very past my comfort zone. It's not that I think it's wrong or gross or anything like that. It's simply that I feel If he were bisexual or gay, the desire to be with a man would only increase over time.
    Try to step back a little and think about what you've said here... Imagine for a moment he wasn't bi but was just mega-mega-straight... Would you imagine that just being with one woman in a monogamous relationship would eventually lead to a desire to be with other women over time..? Wouldn't that just make all mega-hetero-straight guys a bigger risk for infidelity...? Actually, it probably does... There's a curious myth to couple broader sexuality with promiscuity and this is clearly not necessarily the case - people's commitment to their partners is NOT connected to their sexuality. There are plenty of hetero partners that stray because they do have a bigger pond to go fish in...

    If you're still worried about the TS porn, please don't place a lot of stock in what might just be curiosity - if he's well balanced in other ways, there is no way that just watching something on the web makes you gay, bi, a pervert, or anything (unless it's illegal, of course...). I'm a hetero CD/TG and have been for 5 decades - I've seen porn of many different variants, the sexual stuff does nothing for me at all: hetero, bi, gay, multi, whatever - I guess that means I just prefer real-life experiences... And no, none of those have been with anyone other than females... Coincidentally I was speaking with a close GG friend about porn recently (she brought it up!) and she was surprised that it did nothing for me - it obviously did more for her (she is quite liberal in a sexuality sense...) but that's another story..

    All of these things are simply aspects of individuals - ultimately you just have to decide whether or not you're comfortable with these aspects...

    Take your time - keep thinking and keep balanced..

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  16. #41
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,972
    I always felt I was really a girl but for some reason was given a boy's body. I just made the best of it and started dressing the part.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  17. #42
    Happy to be me!! S. Lisa Smith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Hampton Roads, Virginia
    Posts
    6,622
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    But Nadine, how does one "consider" a subject when there is no question, no doubt, no debate? I am white. Should I consider if I am white? My sexuality is equally obvious to me. There is no internal debate, despite the fact that I cross dress. That's a thing, unrelated to my sexuality.
    I never questioned my sexuality as well. I agree with Jennifer and couldn't have said it any better.
    Please call me Lisa!

  18. #43
    Full time NY state girl MarciManseau's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    NY state not NYC
    Posts
    1,040
    I was about 5, so nothing to be confused about at that age.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugs I'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.

  19. #44
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    52
    Likewise too young to understand. But as an adult getting divorced with some serious rejection, questioning my self esteem i did question-never crossed the line though. women are simply too mesmerizing for me.. face, eyes, and all the equipment they have on their playground. from the clothes they wear to their posture and movements, they are beautiful, so much for me I wish I could be like them. Although I am aroung mature gay men every day (when i say mature-they are not out to prove anything, are in solid relationships, stable emotionally and don't hit on anyone or even discuss it) I only desire females..so beautiful.
    For tammy- are you masculine, are your nails dirty, do you have BO? probably none of these and so he is attracted to you so much that he is concerened about losing you. If he loves you that much, you can make him what ever you wish- you as a woman control his ego, his desires so with subtle effort on your part he is "putty in your hands"

  20. #45
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    7,126
    No, I was not confused.

  21. #46
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Bangor Maine
    Posts
    38,388
    No confusion at all for me, Always like women.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  22. #47
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Philadelphia,PA
    Posts
    249
    No, I have always been heterosexual.

  23. #48
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    30
    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Tammy, "straight" men do not watch at TS/CD porn.
    I honestly should not have worded it like this, but I've read a lot about people being curious and looking at different types of porn like this.

    And katey, that's a good perspective, I see what you're saying about infidelity. Maybe I don't actually know what scares me about the possibility. I'm trying not to put so much into what he was looking at. I think maybe at this point in my thread, I'm a little more confused than when I started it...
    I doubt he will go to therapy but I'm trying my best to have open and honest communication. this is starting to stray from the subject of crossdressing into something much different, so I'm sorry for that. It's just a long road and it's only just getting started for me with getting to know the other side of him.

  24. #49
    Senior Member Krististeph's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    midwest suburbs
    Posts
    1,522
    I really think CDs are a separate "sex" than gay or straight, male or female. My gut feeling is that I am so attracted to females that I want to be like one. It's not correct, but that is really the upshot.

    I was never 'confused' about what I was attracted to.

    Understand this though: there are many different types of men. There are many different types of women. This is where a lot of the confusion exists.

    It is similar to a man thinking- "if a woman is heterosexual, she likes men, therefore she should like me". You may want to focus more on personality type. Now don't go thinking I am pushing personality matching/mating/contrasting- far from it. But as far as ultimate attraction goes, gender plays a big role, but so does the the kind of person that gender is.

    24 is just when the mind is maturing, both sexes, in terms of the large-scale social issues. So he may not be able to express himself properly.

    At that age, I did not have the support people had now- i knew was different, i did not hate myself because of it though- i really did hate the rest of the world. He probably has some aspect of this. And he is right. It is not fair. I feel this was (female) and it is natural to me- i think everyone should feel it. But i came out different- therefore nature is not fair. given that, the best way to deal with things is to talk and communicate.

    you may hear things you do not like, that you judge to be bad. Suspend judgement for a bit though- it is more important to see all things and how they interact, than to judge individual aspects. You yourself are not perfect, but the best way to assess yourself is in the whole.

    To understand the CD, this may take some time. I still wonder if i understand myself sometimes. And I've done serious and scholarly research on this.

    Sexuality may also change as people mature or age- usually due to the way we perceive things.

    So lots of your communication should focus on how both of you see things. And it it also very important to understand that when we talk about things that are hidden/stressful/unclear- the first description of what one feels is not necessarily correct. You both have to be able to allow yourselves to reflect and revise your opinions & views.

    Consider what fantasies and likes the crossdressing centers around. Is this compatible? ideally, you might even get into it if you are sexually inventive and creative. But if you have issue with it, get them out early.

    In other words- always apply good advice that you would use in 'regular' relationships as well.

    Keep in touch- the best thing to do is lots of communication. One thing I envy about female relationships- that ability. I hear my wife talking to her friends on the phone- it's a cool thing. You should take time to appreciate it.

    <Big hug> Keep trying. You do not have to be perfect. You do not even have to work consistently. Just never give up- never let misunderstanding win.

    Kristi- married 26 years to Kat. (Told Kat about my crossdressing before we got engaged, but neither of us understood how deep it affected me.)


  25. #50
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    22,478
    At 7 I don't think I even knew what sexuality was. I just knew I had to wear feminine clothing. I'm still a straight male sexually.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State