First time out in public trying to meet new people

[Karli]

Hi. I wanted to ask the opinion and view of men who might have an interest in CDs or girls who are CDs/TG.

I've been a secret CD almost all my life. But I've been curious about getting out for the first time but it certainly is a big step for anyone. I'm curious about trying to meet an older man but I'm terrified about all the things that could go wrong (such as embarrassment and safety) as well as personal guilt. As a first time out and a first step I think all I'd be looking for is just meeting a man to talk and see how I feel about the whole situation.

So here is what I'm really wondering: How do you think men might react if I was to post a craigslist ad saying I'm a secret CD looking to meet an older married man for talking/chat as a first step. I'd specify a time and place (maybe a restaurant bar) that would be public (for safety) and state that I am a secret CD who would only be dressed under normal male clothes.

I'd not specify much more and see how that goes. My thought is if someone was to respond and show up he'd have to find me. If it felt comfortable we could chat about what I am discreetly and see how it goes for a first time out. If no one showed up there would be no loss or danger. But as a first time out in public and admitting to being CD is such a big step.

Thoughts?

[Lorileah]

that is really hard to read in that color, you might edit it.

And advertising on CL, in my opinion, is dangerous.

[Eryn]

You are biting off a huge chunk here! Better to just get experience with being out and let individual relationships develop naturally.

What you propose treads on very dangerous ground. Think carefully and decide whether it is prudent to proceed.

[Diversity]

I wouldn't do the Craig's List thing. You are setting yourself up for a potentially dangerous situation.
Di

[mykell]

i think that is a crazy idea, why would you seek out a married man,
im particularly annoyed about luring someone behind the wife's back,
and the obvious danger of meeting through personal ads,
i woulud suggest you do it old school and find a nice LGBT friendly bar,
you may also look on "meet-up" and see if there is a group that interests you and join,
what you are looking for is an called an "admirer",
they socialize in those places and they are safer....

[pamela7]

beyond nuts, predators lurk in such places

[AllieSF]

First you need to get out of the house and explore that real world out there in female mode. Get comfortable being you and interacting with strangers. An LGBT, Gay or otherwise friendly bar is not a bad place to start. Learn how to talk to others, how to receive and turn down possible offers from strangers. All this prepares you to actually be a decent person to meet. I think you would have much more success if you are prepared and comfortable and confident being who you are when out. Then when looking, check out some of the meet up groups on Yahoo. There are so many different types. Some are language oriented for those beginners and more advanced, hiking, dancing, fine dining, whatever, it is there. That way you can go dressed casually or more dressed up depending on the venue and event and subsequent activities. Craigslist works for some and not for others. There are also other types of dating sites like OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Date a Crossdresser, or something like that, that could eventually work for you. Whatever approach, meeting for the first or second time has similar risks whether on Craigslist or some other site, unless that other site actually has some true member info that you can use to find and prosecute someone. Again, I think you need some experience out before you try to meet up with a man. Experience can really help you be safe, filter those that need to be filtered, say no when no is the correct reply and enjoy when the moment is right and safe. Good luck.

[Jenniferathome]

To start, you do not need a date to go out in public dressed. Just go out. As for being dressed under your male clothes, that is not cross dressing in public so what does it matter? If the outside world can only see guy clothes, you are dressed as a guy. Now, most significantly, if you are married, then meeting anyone WITHOUT TELLING YOUR SPOUSE, is cheating. No free passes on that one. Lastly, you will get a lot of responses on CL from "straight" guys who want sex with a cross dresser. DON'T POST THAT AD.

[Sky]

A lot of men would get aroused. Most of them would email you a gazillion times asking for "sexy" pictures or replies, then vanish in thin air. A few would agree to setup a date, then be a no show -no biggie if you are in drab anyway, but something you'd love if you spent an hour doing your makeup. Then a very precious few would actually show up, some would spend the date anxiously eavesdropping to check other people's reactions then telling you "sorry, I can't do this", some would be the kind you wonder "what the hell am I doing with this idiot?", and then the proverbial needle in a haystack would be sweet, funny, engaging, make you love life, and you'll say "next time I'll be in drag". And then they won't show up.

Yup, welcome to Craigslist.

[Krisi]

Craigslist is such a danger that our local police department has created several areas where people can go to do their buying and selling under bright lights and video surveillance. The last thing I would do is advertise for dates there.

If you (as a male) advertise anywhere looking for a male companion, you are pretty much advertising for gay sex.. You may not mean it that way, but that's how it will be interpreted.

[sara.rafaela]

Not recommended, the best of the guys looking at those ads are probably looking for prostitution. The worst could be real creeps. Going out is a big step in the first place. It may take some time to get comfortable with that. Take your time. Once you are there you can check out places that are gay, but also have a large straight clientele; or places that might have an "alternative scene", you will meet people, drink with them, talk, become a regular, and get a feeling for the others. From there you can see what your next step might be.

[Tracii G]

You need to back as far off of this idea as you can.Very very dangerous thing to do.
To me posting on CL makes you look desperate sorry if that hurts your feelings but your safety is important.
It gives the impression you are after gay sex with just about anybody and that doesn't make you look good trust me.
Why a married man ? You feel its OK to possibly ruin a mans marriage if things go badly?
What about his wife's feelings do they mean nothing?
How would your spouse/GF/kids feel about that?

If you are single and a CDer then join a local trans group or attend some LGBT outings in your area to meet other gay people if you are in fact gay.
Build your friendships elsewhere not on CL.

[ChristinaK]

Yikes! Can you say "serial killer?"

Other than that, great advice girls.

If you're married, cheatin is cheatin, even if it's a Gerbil.

[Laurenlovecd]

Without being judgemental.......Craigslist is sketchy. Sky's post above is soooo correct in so many ways.

Most of the guys will just waste your time chatting and asking for pics to trade, and believe me you don't want most of the photos these overweight disgusting hairy men will send. There are far better ways to meet quality men who appreciate a quality crossdresser.

[Adriana Moretti]

ow wow...no...no and no.....get out as a girl, meet people out as a girl. ....those are real people. living in the real world .....craigslist is full of creepy closet queens with one hand in their lap and the other on the computer mouse. Craigslist is the mos eisley of the internet

[Karli]

I appreciate all the feedback and opinions. Since I have no experience with going out I thought it'd be good to ask people who have or at least who have an opinion. Some may wonder why I might have mentioned a married man. My thinking is it would make things safer and no harm since all I was looking for was time to talk and see how I feel. Maybe it is a bit naive? Certainly some people have pointed out potential things to be cautious on which is great. Feedback is why I wanted to ask opinions before doing anything at all because the community certainly has more experience than I do.

[Tracii G]

It was smart of you to ask questions and I'm glad you did.
I would hate to see you become a statistic
Plan your first time out and pick a safe place preferably in the day time.
Stick to your plan and have a plan B just in case.
Most that have never been out think night is a good time because of the lack of people out but day time is much safer.
How you are dressed makes a big difference too.
Dress like all the other women and you should do fine.Dress like a hooker and you get attention you don't want.