What is the attraction to being out in public

[rachelatshop]

Hi every one, this is the first time I have started a thread to ask this community a question. I have only been a member for a few days, but have been reading and researching this forum for a number of weeks. What I have read here has helped me to understand myself and has challenged me to push my limits. Thus, I have learned that I never identify as a woman, even when dressed as one, and I am totally happy with my male identity. By doing those things, I have become better able to talk to my most valued loving wife and better know who I am. Therefore, I am completely comfortable in our relationship, even though it means that I can never pass as a woman. The question is, even thou, I can and do, under dress most days, and spend some days at my shop dressed as a woman from the neck down, as there is little risk of being caught out. I feel that I am happy and satisfied cross dressing at that level; so why is it that at some deeper level I would like to be able to totally experience, for a limited time, the world as a woman. Where only I would know, that the woman everyone sees is really a man. Is it man’s quest for adventure or something else?

[Nadine Spirit]

Hi Rachel-

Welcome to the forum, thanks for being here. I have no idea why you would want to be out in public dressed as a woman. I have pondered why that is for me. Before it occurred to me, it was something I had never considered doing, (duh!) And I had been dressing, at least partially for many, many years, at least 10-15 years. Then I decided that I wanted to see myself dressed up fully, from head to toe with makeup and a wig as well. Once I did that I felt a need to go out in public. The only thing I can figure is, it was kind of my way of proving that I don't see anything wrong with what I am choosing to do. If it was wrong, then I should hide it, which is what I had been doing, but if I really don't think there is anything wrong with it, then what is there to hide? Nothing. So I went out, had a great time, and have not looked back. And no it has not prompted me to seek the next "adventure." So I don't think overall it has anything to do with man's quest for adventure, thus it must be "something else."

[AllieSF]

My story is similar to Nadine's except I only started from zero in late 2006 and was fully dressed for the first time in 2007. At that moment when looking in the mirror I knew that I had to go out and take my show on the road. For me it was fantastic to see that woman with some of my features looking back at me in the mirror. Different from Nadine, I do believe that seeking adventure and maybe doing something that is somewhat taboo and definitely out of the norm would be a lot of fun. I did it and it was definitely a lot of fun. I many times describe what I do as a type of role playing where I try to truly act that role while having fun, knowing very well most if not all can see through my disguise.

I have to also say that I already knew what fun I could have going out dressed as a woman way before the thought of actually doing it on a regular basis as a TG/CD was in my future. In the early 1980's I went to a company costume party and dressed as a woman. Not a sexy hooker type, nor a French maid, but a regular everyday woman in a dress, low chunky heels, pantyhose, no wig (talcum colored graying hair) but wearing a small woman's hat and water balloons for boobs. I spent the entire night dancing, drinking (never bought my own drink), and using the women's restroom. I finished the night elated and vowing to do "that" again but never did until over 25 years later and with no regrets for not doing it again. So, I played a woman's role at a costume party and had the most wonderful and fun time. That definitely made my decision to go out right after I first fully dressed 10 years ago so easy for me. I will guess that if you ever do make it out and have some fun, and if the SO does not put too many restrictions on you, you will want to do it again. It can definitely be habit forming in the good kind of way!

[AnnaBMarie]

While I can't answer the broader psychological question of what being dressed in public does for some of us, I can tell you that it flips a different switch. Spending all day dressed at home in private doesn't even come close to the feeling of being in public for an hour. My last three "adventures" were all less than an hour, but the exhilaration stayed with me for days. There is something about the exposure and the tactile sensations of breeze on your legs that just seems to validate your trying to be perceived as female.

[Alice Torn]

I only go out about 4 to 7 times a year, and walk around a park, or a downtown area of towns far from where i live. The is the thrill of it, the feeling like a bird's first flight, the feeling like prisoner released, almost a different dimension, like free from a straight jacket for a short time.Negative things can happen, though, so i am vigilant, aware of my surroundings, and people nearby.

[Rachael Leigh]

Many years ago I went to a Halloween party dressed as a French Maid and loved it and that would be my first public outing.
After that I didn't give it much thought other then I thought I wanted to do it again however when the time came to do it even with the comfort of my wife with me I was a nervous wreck.
So after that I stopped going out but kept dressing off and on.
Over the last two years or so it just came to my why should I hide this who does this hurt, yes I'm a guy who likes to dress and look like a women, is that so bad.
So here I am going out on occasion and it just makes me happy, my wife is not pleased with it though and for me that's my fault.

[Barbara Jo]

The short answer is....... for me anyway .....

When I under dress, the only person who knows is me.

However, on the occasions that i do go out in public "dressed", everyone knows that I'm wearing panties, a bra, a skirt, etc.
So, it's the knowledge that everyone knows I like to dress feminine even if they think that I'm a female .
In other words, it's exposing my real self .

[RADER]

I wish I could go out, Just one time in full dress.
I am a very large person, a Paul Bunion Type.
6' 3" and 300 lbs. I do have some dresses and skirts
thanks to Lane Bryant and Romans. But my wife tried one day
and after 3 hours of make-up and trying on 3 wigs I have,
It was concluded I better not go out of the house.
So I promised her that I would not embarrass her.
I still keep the promise.
Rader

[Ressie]

I think there are a few different reasons for different types of CDs or transgender folks. It can be fun for one thing! I've only been out in public dressed a few times because it was never my goal as a CD. But it's kind of a feeling of freedom to me, letting my female side be seen by others.

I remember the GF I had 20-30 years ago was concerned that I might go out dressed - back then I didn't imagine I ever would!

The GF I had nearly 40 years ago wanted me to go to a gay bar dressed and I refused!

[Jenniferathome]

Rachel, I am like you. I do not identify as a woman. I am a dude regardless of my attire. Even though I look like a guy when dressed I still enjoy going out. I have written many times that going out is like screaming from the rooftops that I am "this" without saying a word. It's a validation of sorts for me. I am this way and it's ok. Now, because cross dressing is not generally acceptable, going out has an element of risk but that is not the reason I go out. And in the end, being dressed and staying at home is boring for me. It takes a lot of work to get presentable

[rachelatshop]

Rader I so identify with you. I am over 6 ft. tall, I am quite slim but have a beard that my wife likes, so going out and passing is out for now.

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Thank you Jennifer, I have followed your post and value your answers. Unfortunitly for me I can not even hope to pass. So for now I will guest have to dream. You are lucky you look great. My only time out was wearing a female face mask for a haloween party.

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Thanks Nadine, So it does seem that it is a step in the adventure that we call cross dressing for most/many cross dresser, and I agree that one step doesn't automaticly lead to another. Lord forbid.

[Allisa]

I guess at first it was the challenge to myself to just go out into the day with the I don't care attitude and see what would unfold. Yes it started with underdressing and advanced bit by bit to test the waters and finding that no one cares and then I had to go full femme as myself. Although it was somewhat nerve racking at first but than a non issue and now just a way of hiding in plain sight. I guess the answer is in the category of why we dress at all.

[OCCarly]

I am probably not the right person to answer this, because I am transgender. Today I went out dressed from the neck down for the first time (sweatshirt over a very girly T shirt and skintight skinny jeans). I went with my wife to the supermarket. No one noticed, no one said anything. But for the first time I felt totally relaxed being out in public, wheras when I wear guy clothes I am usually grumpy and irritable, or prone to panic attacks, unless I am focused on some work or hobby or something.

That said, I get the feeling that for those who identify as men, going out dressed does generate a little bit of an adrenaline rush, as well as a sense of accomplishment, kind of like the rush I got when I went out toilet papering houses back in high school.

[bridget thronton]

Integration of my psyche - i am me regardless of how much dress - so wearing a skirt or dress in public feels narural

[Princess Chantal]

I did not do much crossdressing in private when I first started. I went to a crossdressing social group meeting underdressed and was pulled off to the side after the first meet by a member to be offered to be mentored with applying make up. I jumped at the offer and by the second meeting, I had 4 or 5 make up practice sessions. At the second meeting we needed to run over to the grocery store across the street for some coffee cream and snacks. One of the experienced members asked who wanted to go with her and I stunned her by Accepting her offer. I was wearing a short skirt and 5" high heels as was she. It was just something that I was curious about at that minute and had the chance to experience. Lots of my crossdressing experiences was driven by my curiousity and willingness to take action on it. I did the dressing in a blend in look after some more outings but did not have as much fun so went with more office types of outfits and changed up my experiences to accomodate the different type of dressing (coffee and dinner meets, art museums, etc). Then I was curious with vintage costuming and was lucky enough to have made friends that are interested in that as well (mostly non cd/tg). So now I am having the outmost fun in vintage costuming.

[BillieAnneJean]

Imagine donning a costume of Tsu’Tey from the movie Avatar and looking as much like him as possible. And then not leaving the house, just being there by yourself, for your own viewing enjoyment.

Now imagine donning a costume of Tsu’Tey from the movie Avatar and venturing out in public, on a day where lots of other real Tsu’Tey types were out and about. You would feel the same temperature variations, the same tactile feedback from the shoes, the hair, the costume, the bling, as the real ones. Fitting in yet invisible as yourself. Like traveling to another dimension. And in doing so you would validate your presentation yet knowing that the validation is only the appearance, not the actual.

Imagine building a race car and keeping it locked in your garage, for your own viewing enjoyment.

Now imagine building that same race car and taking it out on the track to see what it is like to really drive it.

Imagine donning an elaborate costume for a play and rehearsing the part to the best of your abilities, but never raising the curtain, taking satisfaction in the results yourself.

Now imagine your feelings as you raise that curtain.

These are all what it is like FOR SOME to crossdress and go OUT in the general public.

There is a community of “homebuilt” aircraft, a large association, and a huge airshow. There are a great many self built aircraft in all shapes and sizes. Some of the people build an aircraft and fly it a lot. That is why they built it, to fly it. Then there are those builders who build aircraft and maybe fly them a few times and move on to the next build, some even never fly their creations, these “serial builders” sell them and start another. For these “serial builders” the crafting of the plane is their satisfaction. All are highly regarded by the other members and the association.

So IMHO it does not matter if you dress and stay at home, dress and go out a few times, dress and go out regularly, or dress and go out a lot. There is no badge of honor, no hierarchy either. What matters is that you are happy, feeling fulfilled, are being safe if you go out, are leaving the general public with a favorable impression of our community if you go out, and you are not being inconsiderate of your obligations in or out.

Oh and having…………………………….
SUCH FUN!
Billie

[NicoleScott]

I dressed happily in the closet for a long time. I liked what I saw in the mirror. One day this thought took hold of me.......I want to be seen.

[Krisi]

For me, going out in public is a test of my ability to look and act like a woman. Obviously, I am trying to and hoping to pass. I don't put myself in situations where it would be really difficult like sitting in a bar or restaurant for long periods, I just walk in the tourist or business part of town or a shopping mall and try to act like I have a reason for dong so.

We don't all have the same reasons for dressing, going out, or doing whatever we do.

[I Am Paula]

I have to go back a long while. I did not know I was TS, that would come in another 20 years. As soon as I discovered dressing completely en femme, I started going out. There was no real thought involved.
Looking back, I just needed to be me, I needed to be 'normal', and my normal was female.
Many years later, of course, it would all become clear. Just a TS point of view. I didn't want to be seen, I wanted to get my groceries.

[JamieTG]

Whatever the level of our dressing, I think at some point each one of us wants to be out in public as our true, authentic selves. Fear kept me hiding for so long and my fears were way overblown. Its liberating when you can be yourself and find out that most people out in public could care less.

[Helen_Highwater]

I think the desire to go out stemmed from times when I went out into the back garden patio and felt as many have described, "the wind around my legs". Couple this to a desire to be able to walk further than the few yards in heels that being in the house dictated. Also there was a curiosity in knowing what it's like for GG's just getting around. Add to this as others have described, spending hours (and cash) trying to perfect your look, seeing what you think is a presentable you gazing back from the mirror it seems a logical step to take it out on the road.

Look through threads here on this subject and you'll find folks talking about the rush or thrill of those first steps. The exhilaration, elation felt afterwards. While these feeling become less pronounced they never really go away altogether. So perhaps there's a level of addiction going on as well.

Rachel,

You asked the question, "so why is it that at some deeper level I would like to be able to totally experience, for a limited time, the world as a woman.". Well it's likely to be different for all of us in one way or another but again as so many here describe, it's more than just the clothes. It's getting those mannerisms, the walk, hand gestures, a whole raft of things that go to make the package. And if you've worked hard on that then why not experience just what it is to be out doing normal things and being you.

[Candice June Lee]

For me, is to be one of the girls in the crowd. To be me and not a facade that I have to be what they want me to be. I'd rather be an ugly woman than a handsome man. Just to get out and be the woman I need to be.

[curvious]

Timely. I made my first foray outside this week. I cannot begin to describe how it felt. I was elated and felt heavenly. I have been under-dressing for years until the past few months - I visited a TG store and bought a dress, wig and heels and then started trying make-up.
What I thought would be difficult and tedious for so many years, I started to really enjoy. I am having fun putting on my eyes, playing with jewelry and styling my wig. I like having options to my looks. skirt and heels, or a tunic and more heels (giggle) perhaps a bra and panties or maybe a gartered chemise...
I've started thinking more about "who cares?" It's me and my body. Maybe it goes against the norms of society, but I am not doing anything criminal or perverted. Women dress like men every day - and no one cares. I'm not secretly out exposing myself. Much the reverse I am tightly bundled up and tucked away..
I was so fearful of being caught when I haven't done anything wrong. For me, it was a release of guilty pleasure and feeling luxurious - and not remotely sexually excited - just feeling so much passion for embracing myself. I am still terrified to go out in daylight as I won't pass under close scrutiny, but to walk out to my car and drive around, perhaps go to a drive-thru is my big baby-step. What's funny, is that a pretty girl will walk by and if I am with a group of guys we will usually turn and look - they with an eye towards animal sexuality. With me wondering instead where she got her heels and if I can find a skirt in that size...LOL.

[Ceera]

Well, I think it is different for each person. A CD such as the OP who strongly identifies as male, but likes wearing female clothes, will have a different answer, I think, than a CD or TG or TS person who feels at least part of their mental composition includes the gender opposite to their birth.

To sum it up in a single word, for me the reason is "acceptance". I feel I have both masculine and feminine parts to my mind and personality. I want to express my feminine side, which I repressed for most of my life. Going out in public and being accepted by others as a woman, even if I might not be passing 100%, is a validation of the feminine feelings within me. When some stranger looks at me and apparently sees me as a woman, and treats me like a woman, it validates that I'm not just fooling myself here - there actually is a feminine side that others can see as well.

[Diversity]

I am slowly working my way up to going out fully dressed in public from the neck down. I will never be able to pass as a woman, and I do not see myself wanting to change my voice, my walk, or my actions to resemble a woman.
Rather, I am learning through this site that I like being a man in women's clothes. I also like my male clothes as well. What I want is this:
When the pig fog hits, I want the freedom to dress as much as a lady as I wish , and go anywhere I want to go.
When the 'Jeramiah Johnson' hits, I will continue to enjoy being a man.
There is such a radical difference between the sexes, and I want to enjoy it all, where it feels natural and free.
To me, I am wasting my time to try to look like a woman as my male attributes of height, strength, and weight (only slightly overweight for my height) will never let me pass - even though I am not by any means a hairy guy. Never have been.
But I enjoy experimenting with make up, lipstick, etc., wearing clothes, heels l, and all things feminine.
I guess, that for me, I have now learned that my crossdressing is all about me being able to present myself as I wish, with the freedom to do so, any time and any where.