Self-Acceptance and Truth

[Lucey]

Self-Acceptance, has this been a hard word for you to ask yourself over the years? Have you been truthful with your response when you answered this question to yourself?

Recently Katey888 in a post has stated... self-acceptance is a WIP for me. It waxes and wanes over time - as does the whole feeling of what I need to do to satisfy this aspect of me. I think it's the hardest thing I've ever had to face about myself regarding 'truthfulness' and I continually question what the truth might be about why and what and if...

I doubt that the feelings will ever completely leave me but I do suspect that for me, they may well pass into remission again, as they have for long years in the past (last dressed mid November - opportunities but no desire since... ) So while I may accept who and what I am and need to an increasing degree, I'll probably always ponder on it - I don't think "it is what it is" will always be a useful approach for those of us that need to think about it...

For many times over my life, I have asked these same questions to myself. And the answer has changed many times that I have asked myself these same questions. Must add that one of the hardest parts for me over the years has been to answer these questions "truthfully to my own self."

Recently though I have come to answer these questions truthfully to myself, "that I am a CDer." Time, mistakes and learning has finally help me answered these same questions of "who am I" and "can I live with this fact that I am a CDer" to myself and at the same time be truthful with my answers. And the answer is as a CDer, this is "who I really am" and this will never change for me for the rest of my days. But now I can live with my answers and now I can enjoy who I am and without all of the painful baggage that came with Cding for me.

Also more important for my own self is the fact that I can live with these answers and be comfortable with who I am as a CDer. Have been married for 40 plus years and have only spoken about my CDing with my wife over these 40 plus years.

I will not CD openly in public at any time or will share this with others, other than here on this forum. Where I can say that I have never been this open with anyone before about being a CDer other than with my wife. Guess this same quietness of the subject of CDing has also been one of the hardest parts of my life.

Teresa a community member recently posted in a thread this following... I felt I was trapped in solitary confinement!

For myself there were many painful days over the years, when doubt, guilt and shame and other self thoughts at times would cloud my judgement when I questioned myself about same questions. Again there were times when I really thought that when I woke up the follow day, this would some how change me back into what society thinks as a straight person and all of this CDing would go away and just be a bad dream that I had during the night.

Well over my 60 plus years, CDing did not go away and yes, there were times when there were lapses with dressing up and I would not CD for days or weeks at a time. But this was only short lived for me and CDing as I now find it, is a part of my life that will never change.

Also must add that although there is always the sexual attraction and desires that come with CDing for me. It is now more of the enjoyment of my feminine side that I find more pleasurable and attracting with CDing and the real joy of just being myself for all it is worth.

And all of these years the answer has been looking straight at me, every time I went to the mirror it was looking at me straight right in the eye, I am a CDer. It was being truthful to myself that has helped me finally see and be able to answer these questions of who I am, and now I can look into that mirror say with a smile on my face, this is who I am, a CDer and will enjoy being who I am for the rest of my days on this small planet of our's.

You really want to thank the community and the members for the open and truthful comments and thoughts that you present in your topics and posts here on this forum.

And please, any thoughts or comments anyone has are welcomed. Also thank you for taking the time to read this post and for being the truthful and honest community you have made this forum to be, I would really like to call this my second home.

Again thanks to all.