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Thread: Unaccepting :(

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    Unaccepting :(

    How do you deal with unaccepting family? I'm from a highly religious and very conservative family back ground and needless to say a few of my family members have the ability to make life, for lack of better words, a living hell. They think it is a sin for a man to dress in womens clothing and it's a sin to question your sexual identity. It is enough to drive a person insane at times. Especially when I don't dress in front of them and very rarely ever mention my inner feelings on the subject of sexual identity.

  2. #2
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    quote passages around prodigal sons, loving thy neighbour and casting first stones ... challenge the hypocrisy of monotheistic religion. "is this love?"
    where does it say it is a sin to dress a certain way? challenge, challenge, challenge
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

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  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    I try not to rock the boat too much because I'm not a very confrontational person, but some of my family are on my very last nerve.

  4. #4
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sounds like it's time to move out?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
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    Keep it private and do the best you can
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  6. #6
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    How would I deal? By moving far away and living life on my terms.

    The problem comes in keeping contact with those members of your family/friends you don't want to leave behind- but since the gods invented Facebook, that's become a lot easier

    You use the expression 'a living hell' and speak of being driven insane at times. If it's truly that bad, why fight it? Take a deep breath and move on- life is hard enough without wasting decades hoping it will get easier.

    I have to say I disagree with Pamela7 on this. Challenge, challenge, challenge is about standing up for yourself (a good thing) but it's also about trying to change other people (who will see that as a very bad thing indeed).

    You're not in business to change others, but to live a more fulfilling life, and you could waste many years and put a lot of strain on your heart hoping your challenges will be effective- which in some cases they may; others they will not. I'm a great believer in removing thorns from the foot rather than staggering on in pain hoping the thorn will fall out by itself.

    Hugs, Nikki
    Last edited by Nikkilovesdresses; 03-05-2016 at 05:13 AM.
    I used to have a short attention spa

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Sounds like it's time to move out?
    Thank the good lord that I don't live with them because I would probably be in a straight jacket in some padded room some place by now if I did.
    Last edited by Cristy2; 03-05-2016 at 07:30 AM. Reason: reworded response

  8. #8
    A Lucky Girl Kim_Bitzflick's Avatar
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    How do I deal with it?

    Other than my wife (who is accepting) and kids (one knows & the other doesn't), my family doesn't know. I just don't tell them. I let them live in their little world & I live in mine. When we see each other on holidays a couple times each year, I just ignore comments like that.

    They have a right to believe what they want and I have the right to believe what I want to believe. I have no more right to force my views on them as they have no right to force their views on me.

    Since they don't know about me, I don't get picked on and life goes on.
    Kim

    "I just gotta be me"

  9. #9
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    Hi Cristy, I would avoid them as much as possible, (Out of sight Out of mind) . ~~......
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    Only way that I can tolerate them is to avoid them at all cost. It is strange because the ones giving the most heartache is not the older generation, but my generation on down. Times like these when I miss Christina the most because she wasn't afraid to grab the bull by the horns and throw on a bikini and walk into the room in heels and tell them to kiss her......
    Last edited by Lorileah; 03-05-2016 at 02:36 PM. Reason: you don't need to quote post above yours

  11. #11
    Gone to live my life
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    Hi Cristy,

    I guess it comes down to how much you can tune out and how important dressing is to you. If you are an occasional dresser who just likes to do your thing then perhaps it is better to just let sleeping dogs lie and try to ignore them. I get the impression that trying to change their minds is kind of a "no go" scenario. However, if dressing is integral to your life and someday you know in your heart of hearts you will need to express that to the world well . . . just saying you may need to try and start educating early before someone finds out by accident.

    Cheers

    Marcelle

  12. #12
    Donna June Donna June's Avatar
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    Some of the most loving, wonderful and accepting people I know are conservative religious folks, but the sad part is the one group of people they disapprove of, is us. Years ago I was part of a church and if a homeless person walked in who was smelly and dirty it didn't matter, they would love on him and help him anyway possible. This would be true of anyone, but if I walked in dressed as a woman it would probably be another matter. Sorry to hear what you are going through.

  13. #13
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    this is always true, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family,

    as unfortunate as it may be you may have to just avoid the ones that protest so much,
    surround yourself with the folks who care for you as you are and hope that eventually the others will learn to understand and accept,
    not the optimal task when family is concerned but for your sanity its the best option....

    i avoided my family about this for a lifetime....its has good and bad results. i hope theyre hearts open to you eventually....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  14. #14
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    How do I deal with unaccepting family? I don't tell them that I am a crossdresser. It works for me.

    Only my wife knows and she is "accepting" as long as nobody else knows. I don't know if my family would be accepting or not and my plan is to not talk about it. They live far from me so it's not an issue unless I make it one.

  15. #15
    Girl from the Eagles Nest reb.femme's Avatar
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    Hi Cristy,

    I'm of the same thought pattern as Nikki, remove the thorn. Do you live at home and/or could you move out and find your own place? This would remove the problem. If your family are deeply religious, it's highly unlikely that they will change their point of view, so it's down to hard choices I'm afraid.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cristy2 View Post
    ...They think it is a sin for a man to dress in womens clothing and it's a sin to question your sexual identity...
    If what they say is true, I'm off to hell in a hand cart, as I'm sat fully made up wearing a black skirt, pink and cream jumper and wedge sandals. I wonder if I'll be allowed to turn the thermostat down a touch when I get there?

    Becky
    Flying high under the spell of life!

    http://www.rebsweb.co.uk

  16. #16
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    My family or origin, which i escaped from in 1981, and was forced to return to in 2010, is similar. It is harsh enough, without telling them about my compulsion. It would also be living hell for me, at age 61!!!
    Last edited by Lorileah; 03-05-2016 at 02:38 PM. Reason: too religious
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  17. #17
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    Feel good about yourself and maintain your own beliefs. Don't dress around them. Don't participate in conversations which might be uncomfortable, or hurtful. Avoid confrontation. Accept them for who they are. You are not going to change their beliefs. Avoid them if you have to. Relocate if you have to. Live your life the way you believe you should. Don't let them affect your attitude, your beliefs, your spirituality, your personal behavior. Love yourself and be proud of the beautiful person you are.

  18. #18
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    You said you don't live with them so then don't mention it.
    It's your business and not theirs. Keep it to yourself and don't worry about what small minds think.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mikell View Post
    this is always true, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family
    I disagree. In my 40 years on this lump of rock, I have learned one indisputable fact. Blood doesn't mean family, and family doesn't mean blood. I have blood relatives who do not associate with me because of my beliefs. I also have many friends and in laws who are not blood, but are far closer than most of my "family".

  20. #20
    Member Cindy J Angel's Avatar
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    Hi gf yes but kim u are a girl

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rebecca_ns View Post
    I disagree. In my 40 years on this lump of rock, I have learned one indisputable fact. Blood doesn't mean family, and family doesn't mean blood. I have blood relatives who do not associate with me because of my beliefs. I also have many friends and in laws who are not blood, but are far closer than most of my "family".
    I agree 100% on that point. My friends are more family to me than my family.

    My dilemma is that when I was in the service I had to keep everything under the radar and I could hide behind my work/duty, so no one would even have a reason to suspect, but now that I am retired I don't have to hide if I don't want to and it is not as easy to hide as it once was just a short time ago. Like I wrote to someone in a PM a little while ago, at this point in my life I find myself dead center of a very high draw bridge that is starting to open up and I need to figure out once and for all if I am or I am not before I end up falling through the opening down to whatever is down below.

  22. #22
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    Forget it. You'll be in a position of arguing with those who are not theologically knowledgeable and those who are won't be persuaded anyway - their beliefs are rooted in their interpretational depth. Your best shot at peace is to live well.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Cristy2's Avatar
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    I need a TG/CD Moses to lead me to the TG/CD Promise Land.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cristy2 View Post
    , at this point in my life I find myself dead center of a very high draw bridge that is starting to open up and I need to figure out once and for all if I am or I am not before I end up falling through the opening down to whatever is down below.
    Think if it this way. One side of the bridge is family acceptance. The other side is family disapproval. In the middle, is you. Be you. I know. Easier said than done, eh..??

  25. #25
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikell View Post
    ...............this is always true, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family,

    as unfortunate as it may be you may have to just avoid the ones that protest so much,
    surround yourself with the folks who care for you as you are and hope that eventually the others will learn to understand and accept,
    not the optimal task when family is concerned but for your sanity its the best option....

    i avoided my family about this for a lifetime....its has good and bad results. i hope theyre hearts open to you eventually....
    Quote Originally Posted by rebecca_ns View Post
    I disagree. In my 40 years on this lump of rock, I have learned one indisputable fact. Blood doesn't mean family, and family doesn't mean blood. I have blood relatives who do not associate with me because of my beliefs. I also have many friends and in laws who are not blood, but are far closer than most of my "family".
    exactly the point i was trying to make, invariably folks dissect posts to dispute one sentence when i was making the exact same point worded differently....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

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