Unaccepting :(

[Cristy2]

How do you deal with unaccepting family? I'm from a highly religious and very conservative family back ground and needless to say a few of my family members have the ability to make life, for lack of better words, a living hell. They think it is a sin for a man to dress in womens clothing and it's a sin to question your sexual identity. It is enough to drive a person insane at times. Especially when I don't dress in front of them and very rarely ever mention my inner feelings on the subject of sexual identity.

[pamela7]

quote passages around prodigal sons, loving thy neighbour and casting first stones ... challenge the hypocrisy of monotheistic religion. "is this love?"
where does it say it is a sin to dress a certain way? challenge, challenge, challenge

[Cristy2]

I try not to rock the boat too much because I'm not a very confrontational person, but some of my family are on my very last nerve.

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds like it's time to move out?

[Ally 2112]

Keep it private and do the best you can

[Cristy2]

Sounds like it's time to move out?

Thank the good lord that I don't live with them because I would probably be in a straight jacket in some padded room some place by now if I did.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Cristy, I would avoid them as much as possible, (Out of sight Out of mind) . ~~......

[Nikkilovesdresses]

How would I deal? By moving far away and living life on my terms.

The problem comes in keeping contact with those members of your family/friends you don't want to leave behind- but since the gods invented Facebook, that's become a lot easier

You use the expression 'a living hell' and speak of being driven insane at times. If it's truly that bad, why fight it? Take a deep breath and move on- life is hard enough without wasting decades hoping it will get easier.

I have to say I disagree with Pamela7 on this. Challenge, challenge, challenge is about standing up for yourself (a good thing) but it's also about trying to change other people (who will see that as a very bad thing indeed).

You're not in business to change others, but to live a more fulfilling life, and you could waste many years and put a lot of strain on your heart hoping your challenges will be effective- which in some cases they may; others they will not. I'm a great believer in removing thorns from the foot rather than staggering on in pain hoping the thorn will fall out by itself.

Hugs, Nikki

[Kim_Bitzflick]

How do I deal with it?

Other than my wife (who is accepting) and kids (one knows & the other doesn't), my family doesn't know. I just don't tell them. I let them live in their little world & I live in mine. When we see each other on holidays a couple times each year, I just ignore comments like that.

They have a right to believe what they want and I have the right to believe what I want to believe. I have no more right to force my views on them as they have no right to force their views on me.

Since they don't know about me, I don't get picked on and life goes on.

[Cindy J Angel]

Hi gf yes but kim u are a girl

[msannacd]

"I have no more right to force my views on them as they have no right to force their views on me." Thank you! I have friends who call me small minded because I don't flaunt my femme side to the world. It's mine to do with as I please.

[Marcelle]

Hi Cristy,

I guess it comes down to how much you can tune out and how important dressing is to you. If you are an occasional dresser who just likes to do your thing then perhaps it is better to just let sleeping dogs lie and try to ignore them. I get the impression that trying to change their minds is kind of a "no go" scenario. However, if dressing is integral to your life and someday you know in your heart of hearts you will need to express that to the world well . . . just saying you may need to try and start educating early before someone finds out by accident.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Donna June]

Some of the most loving, wonderful and accepting people I know are conservative religious folks, but the sad part is the one group of people they disapprove of, is us. Years ago I was part of a church and if a homeless person walked in who was smelly and dirty it didn't matter, they would love on him and help him anyway possible. This would be true of anyone, but if I walked in dressed as a woman it would probably be another matter. Sorry to hear what you are going through.

[mykell]

this is always true, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family,

as unfortunate as it may be you may have to just avoid the ones that protest so much,
surround yourself with the folks who care for you as you are and hope that eventually the others will learn to understand and accept,
not the optimal task when family is concerned but for your sanity its the best option....

i avoided my family about this for a lifetime....its has good and bad results. i hope theyre hearts open to you eventually....

[rebecca_ns]

this is always true, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family

I disagree. In my 40 years on this lump of rock, I have learned one indisputable fact. Blood doesn't mean family, and family doesn't mean blood. I have blood relatives who do not associate with me because of my beliefs. I also have many friends and in laws who are not blood, but are far closer than most of my "family".

[Cristy2]

I disagree. In my 40 years on this lump of rock, I have learned one indisputable fact. Blood doesn't mean family, and family doesn't mean blood. I have blood relatives who do not associate with me because of my beliefs. I also have many friends and in laws who are not blood, but are far closer than most of my "family".

I agree 100% on that point. My friends are more family to me than my family.

My dilemma is that when I was in the service I had to keep everything under the radar and I could hide behind my work/duty, so no one would even have a reason to suspect, but now that I am retired I don't have to hide if I don't want to and it is not as easy to hide as it once was just a short time ago. Like I wrote to someone in a PM a little while ago, at this point in my life I find myself dead center of a very high draw bridge that is starting to open up and I need to figure out once and for all if I am or I am not before I end up falling through the opening down to whatever is down below.

[LeaP]

Forget it. You'll be in a position of arguing with those who are not theologically knowledgeable and those who are won't be persuaded anyway - their beliefs are rooted in their interpretational depth. Your best shot at peace is to live well.

[Cristy2]

I need a TG/CD Moses to lead me to the TG/CD Promise Land.

[rebecca_ns]

, at this point in my life I find myself dead center of a very high draw bridge that is starting to open up and I need to figure out once and for all if I am or I am not before I end up falling through the opening down to whatever is down below.

Think if it this way. One side of the bridge is family acceptance. The other side is family disapproval. In the middle, is you. Be you. I know. Easier said than done, eh..??

[mykell]

...............this is always true, you can pick your friends but you cant pick your family,

as unfortunate as it may be you may have to just avoid the ones that protest so much,
surround yourself with the folks who care for you as you are and hope that eventually the others will learn to understand and accept,
not the optimal task when family is concerned but for your sanity its the best option....

i avoided my family about this for a lifetime....its has good and bad results. i hope theyre hearts open to you eventually....

I disagree. In my 40 years on this lump of rock, I have learned one indisputable fact. Blood doesn't mean family, and family doesn't mean blood. I have blood relatives who do not associate with me because of my beliefs. I also have many friends and in laws who are not blood, but are far closer than most of my "family".

exactly the point i was trying to make, invariably folks dissect posts to dispute one sentence when i was making the exact same point worded differently....

[rebecca_ns]

Sorry. I didn't mean to come across that way.

[CarlaWestin]

Eventually, and inevitably, it will dawn on you that it's OK to enjoy yourself with what makes you happy and whole. That's when you start living your life and not theirs.

[Lorileah]

Moderator note. General (and I mean very general) references to religion will be tolerated. When you start getting specific or throwing stones and a specific group, this thread will be done. Please try and keep it off the religion bend, thanks

[Cristy2]

Thank you Lorileah. The exact reason why I did not name the group in question because even inside the particular denomination, some districts are extremely accepting and others are not. In my case it is more a family religious belief issue than the religious group itself. It can ever be subdivided again into the only reason some of them believe what they believe is because that is what grandpa believed right wrong or indifferent.

[JeanTG]

I am a believer, and belong to a conservative denomination. However it accepts me as I am, while at the same time challenging me to be a better person and, this is the important part, not make myself the center of attention but focus my attention towards others' sensitivities and accept them with *their* foibles as well; we all have them, we all have our blind spots and foibles. I think it's a good thing for any belief system to challenge us to not be self-centered, but instead to be sensitive to others. "It's not all about me" is a motto I try to repeat to myself because I know that by nature, I am a very self-centered and often clueless person. I try to be sensitive of the impact my CDing has on others around me in particular my family and my wife.

The other thing to take into account is that most often prejudice is a disguise for fear. People are often prejudiced because deep down they fear their own deviations from the social norm. It helps to be compassionate towards people who cannot confront their own fears. I used to be highly prejudiced against homosexuals until I finally came to grips with my own gender identity disorder, and confronted myself and God with it. Then I realized just how much their own struggle resembles mine. It was my own fear that was giving rise to my prejudice. Now I am much more accepting. Life is a journey, and not everyone is in the same place on the journey. It's not related to age. Some people go down the road towards wisdom more slowly than others.

I hope that's "general" enough to avoid breaking the rules. Maybe I should replace "denomination" with "philosophy" or "community"