Sorry. I didn't mean to come across that way.
I tried going through some of your previous posts to figure your background out. If you are retired from the military based on length of service, and, not medically discharged, I figure you must be in at least your late thirties to early forties. I don't know if you're married. I had a mother who was poison. If she did not like someone she would shun them and make disparaging remarks about them. Growing up it did not make a difference to me other than her attitude caused me to volunteer for the draft to get as far away from her as possible. That may have been not so good of an idea as I ended up 8,900 miles away. But, that's another story. While in the army I met my future wife, and, we have been married over forty years now. She is wonderful. However, my mother hated her for no reason other than my wife became the woman first in line for attention. That old Bible verse about yoking to your wife, etc. Anyway, until my mother died she did not recognize my wife. And, she made disparaging remarks about my granddaughter because son son is not married to my granddaughter's mother. It does not matter they have been together for sixteen years so far.
Anyway, she was total poison. My advice to you is to distance yourself,,,,physically and emotionally from the poison people. Move. I moved three thousand miles. Eventually it becomes out of sight, out of mind. If you need to visit Jacksonville, then visit those who do not chastise you.
Donna June (#12) has it right. Some people do not adhere to their own scriptures. They judge. I've seen it time and time again.
Get out of town. Take your pension and relocate to an area where you can be free to be yourself.
"I have no more right to force my views on them as they have no right to force their views on me." Thank you! I have friends who call me small minded because I don't flaunt my femme side to the world. It's mine to do with as I please.
You didn't miss my age by far!If I could afford it, I would just pull up stakes and move somewhere unknown.
Eventually, and inevitably, it will dawn on you that it's OK to enjoy yourself with what makes you happy and whole. That's when you start living your life and not theirs.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
Moderator note. General (and I mean very general) references to religion will be tolerated. When you start getting specific or throwing stones and a specific group, this thread will be done. Please try and keep it off the religion bend, thanks
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Thank you Lorileah. The exact reason why I did not name the group in question because even inside the particular denomination, some districts are extremely accepting and others are not. In my case it is more a family religious belief issue than the religious group itself. It can ever be subdivided again into the only reason some of them believe what they believe is because that is what grandpa believed right wrong or indifferent.
You mean West Hollywood? Just take Interstate 10 west until you get to Los Angeles, exit at San Vicente and go north until you reach Sunset Boulevard, and you're there! And don't forget to stop off in Palm Springs on the way in!Originally Posted by Cristy2
I need a TG/CD Moses to lead me to the TG/CD Promise Land.
Seriously, let's look at what these people believe in: http://www.humanistsofutah.org/2002/...ian_10-02.html
If you are a good person, Jesus loves you. Don't worry about it.
Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.
Unless the cost of living has gone down in the last ten years, I don't think I could afford to live in California.
90+ percent of my family has 'different beliefs' than I do. They sometimes get frothing about it.
These are my father's sisters and brothers. I feel like an alien compared to them. I could never fit in their world. I'm anathema.
Yet I'm still me.
(walking the border on religious discussion, which is banned)
PM me if you want to have further discussions on similarities or differences.
I love them, but I really have a hard time with segments of it.
Kitty / Moose
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
Dan Savage has a good approach to your dilemma, I think. He tells people to put the onus of acceptance on the family, not on you. Tell them that if they can't accept you, they simply won't be seeing you, and that when they finally manage to become accepting and non-judgmental they should drop you a line. You don't have to 'force' your views on them - they have the freedom to choose what matters more to them, and if they don't choose you then why would you want to be with them anyway?
You need a more liberal church. Check the yellow pages. Only call them if their ad says "open and accepting".
I am a believer, and belong to a conservative denomination. However it accepts me as I am, while at the same time challenging me to be a better person and, this is the important part, not make myself the center of attention but focus my attention towards others' sensitivities and accept them with *their* foibles as well; we all have them, we all have our blind spots and foibles. I think it's a good thing for any belief system to challenge us to not be self-centered, but instead to be sensitive to others. "It's not all about me" is a motto I try to repeat to myself because I know that by nature, I am a very self-centered and often clueless person. I try to be sensitive of the impact my CDing has on others around me in particular my family and my wife.
The other thing to take into account is that most often prejudice is a disguise for fear. People are often prejudiced because deep down they fear their own deviations from the social norm. It helps to be compassionate towards people who cannot confront their own fears. I used to be highly prejudiced against homosexuals until I finally came to grips with my own gender identity disorder, and confronted myself and God with it. Then I realized just how much their own struggle resembles mine. It was my own fear that was giving rise to my prejudice. Now I am much more accepting. Life is a journey, and not everyone is in the same place on the journey. It's not related to age. Some people go down the road towards wisdom more slowly than others.
I hope that's "general" enough to avoid breaking the rules. Maybe I should replace "denomination" with "philosophy" or "community"
I have to say everybody does the best they can from their own level of consciousness. You can beat yourself up by letting them get to you. You can accept the fact that they are not going to change their views. You can personalize it and internalize it as an attack on you. I know it often seems that way even though they don't know about you.
They used to tell me no one can make you feel a certain way without your permission. It's difficult to accept this but it is really true. You cannot change them. You can only work to change the way you feel about what they believe.
It sounds like a part of you might still believe there is some truth to what they say, if you were raised with that kind of influence the socialization of it can be very powerful and difficult to overcome.
It's very hard to manage your emotions in a situation like this. Especially since your background info presents it as though they bring it up even though you aren't dressing in front of them or talking about it. As others have mentioned, you just have to try to let it go as much as you can. There are plenty of other supportive people out there who will help to lift you back up!
-Shelby
"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others, you need to accept yourself" -Thich Nhat Hanh
They'll have a real cow here pretty soon because I definitely am going to see a counselor. Wish I knew someone, somewhere CD/TG friendly but the only one I ever knew in real life was Christina and she didn't starting getting serious until just before she died.
I'm in same situation, I just haven't told no one and don't think I will.
Cristy
I sure their are plenty of friendly places in FL. Not sure around Jacksonville, I recently checked out multiple places in the Tampa Sarasota area. Have you tried Google for CD/TG support groups around Jacksonville Orlando Tallahassee areas.
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Justina
I know of at least 3 TG support groups, and a very large group of CD and TG in the very large WASH DC and Baltimore area.
Not sure if I can publish websites here.
West Hollywood is definitely out of reach, even for me. But parts of Palm Springs are still very affordable, and the town's population is 51% LGBT.
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Try the United Methodist Church. A few years ago (2010 I think) they amended their Book of Discipline to require all church leaders and members to practice tolerance toward LGBT folks.
Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.
May have to check that out one day. Would love to move to a more accepting location, but that green stuff is real tight now-a-days. Northeast Florida is still not very LGBT friendly.
You should move to Miami. It'll be better than where you are now.
As for your family, as others have said, bid them goodbye nicely, and cut them out of your life. This is a painful choice - I know it is. I didn't speak to my father for the last 10 years of his life. I've lost many friends during my transition. The way you are being treated is abusive. You don't need to continue to endure this.
I can't afford to move right now. Wish I could because Jacksonville would be miles in my rear view mirror.
Save your pennies, hon, and start looking for work in Miami. Sometimes that's the best we can do. I wish you well.
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