So, for those who don't know my situation. I'm married, soon to be making babies. Wife knows about Samantha and accepts to the point she will buy clothes I ask for (even some that I dont ) and makeup etc, but she does not encourage me to dress. It's not DADT, but nor am I able to dress whenever I wish. I have one female friend who knows about Samantha also. My wife has also shared my secret with two of her friends (with my permission) in order to have someone else to talk to about it. All good stuff.
But every now and then I get to thinking... Why do I keep this a secret? This has come around in my head a few times now.
For whos benefit am I keeping Sam in the closet?
My own? Well, maybe - fear of ridicule, redundancy, rejection, or worse are certainly factors.
My wife's? Again, maybe. After all she's the one who will have to be with me through any backlash that resulted from my coming out.
My future children's? Thats a stronger maybe. Kids are vicious to each other, they would be easy pickings for bullies at school if word ever hit the playground.
All these are concerns, and yet I still dress and post my pictures all over the internet. I still talk to other TG people on my personal skype.
But then there are the benefits to be taken from it. I could relax a bit more and not worry about removing EVERY trace of makeup and perfume.
I could dress more in daylight hours and answer the door to random calls (couriers and friends passing by) without stressing about what the outcome will be if I did answer it and my neighbours saw.
It would certainly let me in on who my real friends are, and which ones are bigots that I would probably be better off without (although I like to think none of my friends are like that).
I wouldn't have to lie about why I shave my chest and underarms. I might even be able to shave my legs!
There would be more benefits than I can think of infact.
But then I think it over some more and talk myself out of it.
Why do I cycle through this? It's stupid!
Anyone else have this going on?