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Thread: You can..

  1. #1
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    You can..

    Please realize that you can become all of the woman that you ever wanted to be..and then some. There are no legal glitches to coming out,living your life 24/7 as your authentic self. There are no social glitches that are any more insurmountable than what a transitioner faces. Own it and live it.. Life is way too short to do otherwise ..

  2. #2
    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    I have to agree Rogina, I do try to own it abut four out of five days. ON going out I do walk tall and enjoy it. We do have to own it as we are the trend setters.
    Part Time Girl

  3. #3
    Member donnaS's Avatar
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    But sooo scarrrryy!

  4. #4
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Totally agree with Rogina! it just took me a few years to listen to her advice ..please listen to her

  5. #5
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    I agree you can, but it's important in this section of the forum to note that you don't have to. If you're gender fluid / non-binary / crossdresser-and-OK-with-it your goal might not be 24/7 femme. Not saying the advice is less solid, just that the situations get more complicated if you want to move freely along the gender spectrum.

  6. #6
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    Yes Rogina you can and I have. It hasn't been an easy road but it can be done. The best thing I ever done. Good luck to anyone who does it and Congrats to those who have

  7. #7
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    Rogina you have opened Pandora's box so get ready for the wrath of the closet girls.
    Yes you can do it but it takes commitment and a lot here think otherwise.

  8. #8
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    Please realize that you can become all of the woman that you ever wanted to be..and then some..
    Yup. All you need is some kind of mechanism that will cause hallucinations! As we cannot recommend meds here on the forum, perhaps just whacking our heads on the wall until we start to see things that aren't there will do the trick! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!

    Ohhh, look at all the pretty stars! I should be seeing myself as Taylor Swift any moment now!
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    Of course, you can do anything you like - so long as you are prepared to take the consequences. And if that includes,perhaps, losing your family, what then? And this is not from a 'closet girl' - how can you feel free to put people down so much? It's rude, demeaning and not called for!
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    You have to remember this will change some relationships forever.

    As Amanda has said it affects family but it can also affect how work colleagues see you. Depending on where you live people can or will make assumptions on your lifestyle

    However, I have noticed most new people you meet do not have problem.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  11. #11
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    We can do whatever we want but we have to decide individually if it's all about us or not.
    Last edited by Kate Simmons; 01-04-2016 at 08:11 AM.
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  12. #12
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post

    Ohhh, look at all the pretty stars! I should be seeing myself as Taylor Swift any moment now!
    Not the point of what I said. There is nothing but reality in owning who you feel you are. I am talking about social transition.. And,as far as friends go..You lose the ones that weren't and you gain some new ones.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    There are no legal glitches to coming out,living your life 24/7 as your authentic self. There are no social glitches that are any more insurmountable than what a transitioner faces. .
    Agreed, there are no legal glitches. Being dressed as a female in the UK is only a crime if you do so so as to deceive for criminal purposes.

    As for no social glitches, mmmm I'm not so sure on that one especially as you go on to say "that are any more insurmountable or in other words there are social glitches that you need to be prepared to deal with. Would you class divorce as a social glitch or being ostracized by your family? Yep you can be the woman you want to be If you're prepared to deal with the possible consequences. If being a woman means that much to you then ok carry on however that's not a universal truth for all here

    Edit:
    I don't want to be hypocritical here as I'm as much in favour, even evangelical about folks being able to put on a dress and go out into the wide world. I would encourage anyone to do it if their situation permits. I would do it far more often should my circumstances allow. But that's the point, they don't so I live within the constraints my family life allows. There is no single ultimate universal goal that we all head towards. Each is different, each has to decide the path that they take. We can share our journeys, some will resemble some more than others but in truth non of us tread exactly in the steps of those who have gone before.
    Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 01-04-2016 at 12:08 PM.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  14. #14
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    Hi Rogina, In theory that is a great idea, But sometimes Life & Family gets in the way.

    Everyone has different priorities, ~~......
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  15. #15
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    I am talking about social transition.. .
    Exactly. One of the things that will happen, whether you want it to or not, is you become 'Jose' the crossdresser. No matter what else there is about you, being a crossdresser becomes how many people will primarily define you when they think about you. I am much more than a crossdresser, and do not want that to be the first thing people think about whenever thoughts of me pop into their head. And just because you feel quite comfortable changing your entire social network, doesn't mean everyone else wants to do it. You might be able to make new friends over time, even get a new job. But not everyone desires to go through all the trouble to do that, just to satisfy the 'out and proud' folks. I'm not a social justice warrior. I don't want to be arguing with people, getting into fights, and welcoming problems for the rest of my life, I have better things to do. I'll deal with trouble when it comes, but I don't go looking for it.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  16. #16
    Reality Check
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    I think your advice is very naïve and I would hope anyone reading it would think long and hard about blindly following it.

  17. #17
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Right on!!! Everyone should "go girl" to their heart's desire.

    BTW, do you have an extra room to take me in when my wife boots me out of the house? I won't be able to pay any rent because all of my $$$ will be going towards maintaining the standard of living for her and my children. But it'll be sooooo worth it, right?
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  18. #18
    Dr. J jeanieinabottle's Avatar
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    While the title of this thread is "You Can," that is totally different from "you may" or "you must." While there are no "legal glitches," just because something is within the law to allow one to do something doesn't always mean that it is the right thing to do if with other choices in life. So....Its all about priorities. My first priority is to my family over myself. My wife, sons, grandchildren come first and always will. Nothing will ever change that. My wife accepts me for who I am within our domain and we now share a lot more than we did in the first 40 years of our marriage .... gossip, girl banter, emotion, closeness. We've talked about things we never would have talked about before and talked about them openly and now without shame. We.ve also shared material things such as clothes, makeup, and of course pantyhose. I finally after all these years of turmoil like who I am. But despite all of that, I really don't think that my wife wants another woman in her life full time and I don't think that I want to be a woman full time. Afterall, when I look back, I realize that it took me 50+ years to accept who I am. How could I expect others that I do care about to do an immediate 180 just because it is what I want to do. So risk losing those that I love.....Never. I hate it when people use the word genuine or authentic to assume that because we are like we are we all want the same thing. I hate it when people say you will lose those that didn't care about you anyway because I know how long it took me to accept myself. Acceptance isn't always immediate and unconditional and .... reality check.... the time I have left is a lot less than the time I've already experienced. So Rogina if you want to own it and live it, more power to you. Be happy, be proud, be confident. Thats what we all deserve. We should all just be able to be who we want to be and how we want to be. But because you can does not mean that we must. Its all about priorities. We are not all the same. And for me, love of others comes before love of myself. So No wrath, no condemnation. I'm not a "closet girt" but I am just what and where I want to be. Just a different point of view. To each his/her own. Maybe in a different life, but not this one.
    Dr. J
    Last edited by jeanieinabottle; 01-04-2016 at 06:51 PM.

  19. #19
    Parish bok4fun's Avatar
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    "You can" in no way implies that you have to do anything. It does imply that you may do something if you so desire to put forth the effort to achieve your goal.

    "There are no legal glitches to coming out,living your life 24/7 as your authentic self." It sounds like everybody agrees that legally there are no issues, at least not significant.

    "There are no social glitches that are any more insurmountable than what a transitioner faces." This is where everybody seems to have an issue, and I don't understand why. Rogina never says THERE WILL NOT be any glitches. Only that they will not be any more insurmountable than what a transitioner faces. Does anybody believe that a person who has transitioned has not faced the same potential issues which have been pointed out above, whether it be family, friends, work, potential divorce, or any of the other hundreds of potential pitfalls that can come from every direction? I would be so bold as to say they have hit every potential roadblock and then some.

    "Own it and live it.. Life is way too short to do otherwise.." Amen to this. Whatever life you choose to live, OWN it. If you do not choose this specific path, that is fine. If you are completely closeted, that is fine too. But own the life that you present, whatever it is. Enjoy it to the best of your abilities.

    I have seen it stated many times that this forum is a safe place. A place to be who you want to be, and to share it with people who have something in common. A place to ask questions, or share concerns without judgement. But it seems like I have seen too many posts where the OP gets attacked, for sharing their opinion on something. And more often than not, the attacks come from not fully reading and comprehending what was originally said. It's understandable that so many people only sit in the background and post nothing, out of fear of attack.

    I recently saw a post where the OP was simply stating a preference for GGs who present in a certain manner. However, many people, including a moderator jumped on the bandwagon that the OP should not be trying to force GGs to conform. The OP never suggested trying to make anybody conform, but only stated a preference for those who did present a certain way. It was equivalent to me saying I like big breast, but somebody twisting my words to say that I was trying to force everyone to get a H cup breast enhancement immediately. Absolutely ludicrous!

    Just my two cents worth. Feel free to attack now.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rogina B View Post
    Please realize that you can become all of the woman that you ever wanted to be..and then some. There are no legal glitches to coming out,living your life 24/7 as your authentic self. There are no social glitches that are any more insurmountable than what a transitioner faces. Own it and live it.. Life is way too short to do otherwise ..
    Out? Yes, since October and so far, so good.

    24/7? no, that would not be me. But when I'm there, I'm THERE.

    DeeAnn

  21. #21
    Martini Girl Katey888's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bok4fun View Post
    I have seen it stated many times that this forum is a safe place. A place to be who you want to be, and to share it with people who have something in common. A place to ask questions, or share concerns without judgement. But it seems like I have seen too many posts where the OP gets attacked, for sharing their opinion on something. And more often than not, the attacks come from not fully reading and comprehending what was originally said.
    Nicely put! (all of it...) And this moderator is keeping a weather eye on where opinions cross into being a little too personal and derogatory (I know we don't always get it spot on - but the world is a bit of a grey place, in truth...)

    Rogs - I hear what you're saying and for the folk that need that reassurance, I think you're right about it all.

    Of course, that also makes it correct when you say:

    There are no social glitches that are any more insurmountable than what a transitioner faces.
    It's also fair to say that those that transition can and do face some pretty substantial glitches, however...

    Katey x
    "Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
    Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear"
    Stefani Germanotta

  22. #22
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    There are plenty of things people "can" do, but not necessarily that they "should" do. Everyone's situation is different, and for some going FT could be literally ruinous for them (the example of the wife leaving and taking the kids is a good example.) Reminds me of a friend of mine, very successful, supportive wife and great kids, lots of money in the bank, big house, 3 cars, etc., had everything go for them in life... she went FT, wife left and demanded almost everything in the divorce and lost almost everything. Seeing what so many of my dear TS friends have gone through, even with the best of planning and circumstances, I would not tell anyone to "just do" something.

  23. #23
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Rogina,
    You are preaching to the converted here. :-)
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  24. #24
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Rogina you have opened Pandora's box so get ready for the wrath of the closet girls.
    ... only because the OP was stated in a way that suggests everyone who participates here thinks of themselves as female and has a desire to be out.

    Sorry Ro, but it might have been better for you to preface your sentence with "For those of you to whom this applies, ..."

    If everyone who has logged into this forum during the last three month was surveyed (today's stats say there were 4,400), you'd see a vast majority who do not think of themselves as women and for this reason, are not interested in outing themselves.
    Reine

  25. #25
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Rogina you have opened Pandora's box so get ready for the wrath of the closet girls.
    Yes you can do it but it takes commitment and a lot here think otherwise.
    I have no wrath, but I am a closet girl. I choose the closet. However it wants to be considered, either the pull to the fem side is not strong enough, or my life as a male has enough fulfillment with parenting, a wife, and life in general that it keeps me in the closet.

    Yes, I can be whatever I want to be. In a perfect gender variant world, I am sure I would be out some. To those who take the path of full time, transition, socially or farther, I praise all of you and wish you all the best. That path is not the one I am choosing to take.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

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