Traumatized

[Maria 60]

I wanted to tell the story last night but I didn't want to replay it in my head. Yesterday morning I was going to check up on our summer cabin and see if it was still standing after the winter, I usally go alone and it's a two hour drive and mostly country roads and a few small towns so you know I'm going to be dressed for the drive. It was a beautiful sunny morning and my wife wanted to come along, i usally drive a little away from home and then get changed at a mall parking lot, I put on a jean skirt, black camisole, black pantyhose and black boots, my wife didn't want me to wear a wig or make-up so I didn't because I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. I was dressed from the neck down and it was great the feeling of the sun heating up my legs and we got to the cabin which is very quit this time of year. It was a sunny day so he ate lunch outside the cabin on the picnic table and Just enjoyed the day. It was more then I could have ever asked for spending the day with my wife dressed. Well with good always comes the bad, we were driving home and my wife suggested we change it up a little and take a different route that we haven't taking in a long time. Along that route there is a bigger town in which everyone in the area goes there to shop, it's a little slow getting threw but I have drove dressed there without any problems. As we were getting closer to the town we started to slow down and it was much slower then usual and because it's all farms in that area every vehicle was a pick up truck. I started feeling uncomfortable as we got to the first set of lights I see a sign above the road that there's a St. Patrick's parade and the police were starting to put out barriers blocking the street and only the cars to the right can turn and I was in the middle lane. I was now trapped, maybe if I would have felt alittle bit better if I was wearing my wig but either way I don't pass at all, my only fem feature are my legs. I was pulling my head as far up to the roof of car so nobody can see my face, people started walking on the road between the cars and I had pick up trucks on both sides of me and people walking beside my car I didn't know what to do I just FROZE. I grabbed my sweater and tried to cover my breast and I tried to pull the jean skirt down and when I looked down my legs were locked closed that my knees were hurting. My wife was just as frozen as I was but she reached in the back seat and covered my legs with a jacket. I sat there frozen feeling like I was naked and everyone was looking at me, I locked my head forward and didn't look around and waited for the twenty minute perade to pass which felt like forever. They opened the road and I stopped at the first parking lot and got undressed as fast as possible. Sometimes you need something like this to happen to bring you back to reality, I have been taking very big chances lately and just like hiding something in the snow, it a matter of time before the snow melts. Well it's going to be a while before Maria goes back out but we all know it just a matter of time. The closet is a safer place, it just to bad we can never stay in there. Thanks for listening I had to let it out.

[EllieMayxxx]

Thanks for sharing Maria, i can only imagine how hard those 20 minutes would have been.

[Mykaa]

Sorry to hear about the bad experience. I hope you feel better today.

[Mark/Rebecca]

I think you should look for the humor in it so your wife can get over it sooner. If she isnt reminded of it as being scary, she may chalk it off as a reckless adventure.

[Lauri K]

Ok well I hate that you thought you had a bad experience, but from what I could read nothing bad physically or verbally happened other than the severe paranoia in your mind that you convinced yourself that something bad could potentially happen. A man in skirt and pantyhose driving a car, you probably do not see everyday but on the other hand there is nothing wrong with it if that's how you prefer to travel.

I would not worry about, mark it up as learning experience and don't let it keep you awake at night.

[Anne K]

Hi Maria, I can relate to what you are saying. I have a cabin in Michigan that I will be visiting off and on during the summer. It's a fair distance from South Florida....in many ways. My fiance is a native of Miami, so here perspective of the rest of the country is very limited. For the most part, lifestyle choices in Miami go unnoticed. Based on that perspective, my fiance keeps suggesting that I bring my attire and accessories. Even though the cabin is fairly isolated, one must be very careful. Lonely neighbors tend to drop by and lost travelers stop by for directions. News travels VERY fast in that neck of the woods and the locals are not forgiving. So, I keep telling her ,"No way!". Better to be cautious.

I'm glad you survived the ordeal and hope you will be more cautious in the future.

[Beverley Sims]

I honestly think you would have felt more secure if you had been completely dressed.

You do need that hairdo and it took me a long time to convince my wife that half and half did not work well.

Even if you don't pass you do look the part.

[bridget thronton]

Sorry you had fearful experience - but interestingly enough, you made it through and no one tried to harm either of you.

[Heisthebride]

I would agree with the others. I know it can be scary but nothing bad happened. While it may never be perfect, society is becoming much more accepting. I have been "made" many times in public. The key is not to get in a dangerous situation. With police and so many people around you were actually very safe from anything except embarrassment.

I hope you feel better and this leads to more time dressing up and enjoying life.

[CONSUELO]

In all likelihood people would have noticed that you were openly panicking and not that you were driving a car in a skirt. Sorry it was so bad for you but now is the time to have a good laugh about it and don't let it hold you back from future outings. Most people are completely unaware of what is around them especially in these days of cell phones with everyone looking at a screen.

[Alice Torn]

One good thing, is, that you had the wife there to support you. Some of us are loners, and have to go out alone everytime, with no support. Glad there was no name calling or violence! Take the wig next time.

[Jenniferathome]

So in other words, no one said anything to you. No one approached you, no one wished you harm. You freaked out unnecessarily. I suspect all your panicking drew more attention than if you had done nothing.

I think the take away from this experience should be a positive one. No one cares. You can relax in the future.

[rachelatshop]

Hi Maria, I am sorry for the trauma that you experienced, but I am glad that nothing bad happened. Your experience makes me want to tell everyone a story. I was working for a small chemical research company when a young man, new to the company, told the boss that he would like to wear dresses to work. The young man worked in the front office handling inventory and ordering, and was the only man working in the front office. This was 20 years ago before there were LGBT laws so it was up to each company. Our boss was a great boss who would not make personal decisions without consulting the employees. He called a meeting of the workers, and the young man told everyone what he wanted to do, then the boss asked each of us how we felt. The boss made it clear that he was most interested in how the women in the office felt. None of the women objected, but they insisted that if the young man was to come to work wearing a dress that he had to look 100% like a woman, not a man in a dress. They were concerned about someone from outside coming to the office and seeing a man in a dress, and what they would say or think of the company. One of the ladies even offered to help the young man buy a wig and do his make-up.
Remember how our cross dressing can affect our SO’s self-image and she understands us. Just imagine, how we affect both men and women, who don’t understand us, when we are out in the public’s eye and are identified as a cross dresser. I think that the man who want to go out in the public and be seen as a man in a dress, and the drag queens who are over the top in their cross dressing, do our community of cross dressers a great deal of harm. Most cis-men just laugh at them (some are uncomfortable because they may question their gender identity, and that makes them fearful and angry) and the cis-women are just angry because they feel that their gender identity is being made fun of. Because I can’t possibly pass as a woman when I cross dress, I don’t go out into the public unless I can be very very sure that I will not be seen, even than I never go out without some means of covering up. Again I am sorry for your traumatic experience, but thankfully nothing happened. Maybe the experience will propel you and your wife to expand your cross dressing experience to include a wig and some make-up. Best of luck in the future

[Stephanie47]

You should have checked the Internet before leaving to see if there was going to be any impediments along the way. You may have been able to see there was going to be a St Patty's Day parade, so you could wear a kelly green dress.

Kidding, but I think you're overreacting since nothing really happened. What would have happened if a deer slammed into your car and you ended up in the hospital? You were not doing anything wrong.

[Diversity]

I'm glad it all worked out in the end. Be especially grateful of having such a supportive wife. Sometimes such traumatic occurrences actually serve to make you stronger and more prepared for unexpected situations which may arise on your next outing.
Good luck to you!
Di

[Helen_Highwater]

Ok well I hate that you thought you had a bad experience, but from what I could read nothing bad physically or verbally happened other than the severe paranoia in your mind that you convinced yourself that something bad could potentially happen. A man in skirt and pantyhose driving a car, you probably do not see everyday but on the other hand there is nothing wrong with it if that's how you prefer to travel.

I would not worry about, mark it up as learning experience and don't let it keep you awake at night.

Sorry you had fearful experience - but interestingly enough, you made it through and no one tried to harm either of you.

I would agree with the others. I know it can be scary but nothing bad happened. While it may never be perfect, society is becoming much more accepting. I have been "made" many times in public. The key is not to get in a dangerous situation. With police and so many people around you were actually very safe from anything except embarrassment.

I hope you feel better and this leads to more time dressing up and enjoying life.

So in other words, no one said anything to you. No one approached you, no one wished you harm. You freaked out unnecessarily. I suspect all your panicking drew more attention than if you had done nothing.

I think the take away from this experience should be a positive one. No one cares. You can relax in the future.

See a pattern here? I can't remember who penned it but I know I've read it here; The thing we need to fear the most is fear itself. That fear caused you to panic. You had a pullover so why not simply put it on? Ten seconds and you're covered from the waist up. Coat over the knees, job done. Sit and wait it out. I know this seems a bit uncaring, perhaps hard but the thing to get straight in your mind is NOTHING BAD HAPPENED. We can ruin out lives worrying about the what if's. What if a tyre blows and you're in an accident. As Stephanie says, "What would have happened if a deer slammed into your car and you ended up in the hospital? ". What if you came across an accident, would you be too scared to stop and help a mother and child in need?

Don't let this event put you off enjoying your time driving enfemme. Sit down with your SO and rationalise what DIDN'T happen. Hundreds if not thousands from here who don't pass present them selves fully exposed, no steel safety shell, every day to the muggles. No pitch folks, lynch mobs, name calling. I hereby make you an honorary Brit so Keep Calm and Carry On.

[docrobbysherry]

Maria, many of us closet dressers get used to going out dressed. AWAY FROM HOME! I never go out dressed near home. Think about it. This wasn't your home town. No one who knows u saw u. I understand exactly what that panicky feeling of being seen, caught, feels like. I feel it every time I go out in Vanillaland!

I always worry about my neighbors seeing Sherry driving out of my driveway and the tiny street we live on. So, I wear sunglasses, a hat, and jacket over my outfit if I leave before dark. I suggest u keep those items in your car when you're out driving just in case!

I think the fact that your SO was along made it much worse. I hope u don't let one bad experience ruin Maria's fun for u!

[Tracii G]

Its like learning to ride a bike, you fall over get back up and try again.

[RADER]

I will never pass, But I do drive once in a while dressed like you from the neck down.
I found that if I wear a long jean skirt, you can not tell if it is a par of pants or a skirt.
I also wear a plane top, sort of a pull over "T": type that looks generic.
Yes i do wear a bra, and some times forms witch give me some projection. But unless you
get a side view up close, the tinted windows hide a lot.
Try it next time, you might be able to breath a lot easier.
Rader

[MelanieAnne]

Just remember, Murphy is always right there looking over your shoulder.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Maria, That's :20minutes that you hope that you never see again. ~~......

[Anne K]

After thinking about it, I have to agree with Beverly Sims. If you would have been fully attired, nobody would have noticed. My dad had a Navajo Indian friend who was a Windtalker in the South Pacific during WW2. He was stuck on an island, spotting Japanese shipping, and surrounded by the enemy. When I was a kid, he gave me some advice that I have heeded all my life, "If you are ever someplace where you aren't supposed to be, act like you belong there.". I think many members of this forum know what I am talking about.

[lingerieLiz]

Reminds me back in the day they arrested you for CDing I was stopped by the state police. I had pulled off the main road to get dressed. When I pulled out they were behind me. They wanted to know what was going on. I told them I had driven back along the lake trying to find where the girl from college I had a date with lived. We had a date the next weekend. They checked out my license and asked a few questions. Then let me go. Luckily I had on my long raincoat and they didn't see the skirt or blouse.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I can relate to your story in a different sense: as an Englishman who lived in Ireland for 10 years and occasionally found himself in places I wished I wasn't. Anybody who thinks the Irish have gotten over the Black & Tans is very much mistaken.

Sorry you had such a fright Maria, you told it well.

[Secret Drawer]

First to address Rachelatshop post# 13. The choice of presentation has long been a source of disagreement and anguish among the members here. However, to say that somehow presenting as man in skirt, etc. is damaging to the CD community is completely wrong thinking. The OP was certainly clean shaven, not anything more than well presented minus hair and makeup. This is not particularly damaging to anyone. The negative reaction was clearly in part due to a continuum of working through self acceptance. Not the reaction we would hope for, and particularly damaging to the spouse I'm afraid... There is something primitive to our fight or flight reactions when we panic, and in this situation there was no flight option. Yet ultimately there also was no need to choose the fight option either. Tough recovery here... perhaps some deep reflection on shame issues that still linger?