Rough Week

[ChristinaK]

I got my hair cut about 2 inches last Friday and styled nicely in a woman's style for the third time in the last year. Still about an inch below the ear and the bottom of a blouse collar.

Wife threw a fit. Don't love her, if I did I'd cut my hair like a man's. Tears. Aughhh!


Saturday evening I got it all cut off. High and tight.

I have been in a poor mood ever since. I enjoyed so much being Christina with my own hair. I enjoyed being a man in androgynous mode.

Oh well, marriage is a compromise, right?
I guess if she got her hair cut not more than an inch and a half long I'd be pissed. Wait, she has!!! But that's okay.

I'm going to go get into my nightgown and fuzzy slippers now...

[Tracii G]

Sad when it comes down to the point she gets what she wants and your needs are not even considered.
Been there done that a few times.

[Judy-Somthing]

It's the wife's job to throw a fit so we'll do what we're suppose do.

Maybe if you threw a fit , You could get what you want!

Back in the good old 70's a lot of guys had hair down to their shoulders and so did I, great for CDing.

[Tracii G]

One thing I have learned to do in a relationship not be so flexible,not be so understanding and give in.
Be a man speak up and say no every now and then and even better say hell no.
This came from my second wife so its not just me suggesting this.
I know I will get a lot of flak for saying this but its straight from the lips of my ex: Dammit if you don't like something say so.
I'm so sick of you giving in to my every whim even when its something stupid, my God stop being so damn nice,get pissed sometime please !!

[JocelynJames]

Back in the good old 70's a lot of guys had hair down to their shoulders and so did I, great for CDing.

Seventies? Hell, I had long hair '88-'98 ! I wasn't out to anyone then , and how I'd love that hair now , but oh well

[ChristinaK]

Well, my Momma used to say, "life's not fair."

But, it's gonna be a cold day in hell before I get my hair cut again! It doesn't matter what I do, it will always be something else to disappoint her. What she needs is a manly man who wears boxers, shaves his head, wears a goatee and doesn't shave his hairy assed body.

Never been me, never will. I need to find a good lesbian :-)

[Nadine Spirit]

I understand making compromises in a relationship. But compromises that are a voluntary choice. Having someone tell you that they don't love you if you don't _________, doesn't sound much like a voluntary choice is being presented. Sounds pretty manipulative.

[ChristinaK]

Jocelyn, you look so good, it's not fair. And I know what you mean about the acceptance we used to have with long hair.

Tracii, I guess my feminine side makes me a p÷€£=+y.

Nadine, women are manipulative. We figured that out in the 6th grade and have never caught up.

Judy, if I throw a fit I'm not equipped to equal her truly feminine mind. Genetically, we are wired to make the woman receptive to us. We moved past the rape thing 100,000 years ago!

[Tracii G]

My Femme side still doesn't take any treatment like that.
You shouldn't have to suffer like that, relationships go both ways.
It hurt me deeply what my ex said to me because I thought I was doing the right thing being caring and considerate and helpful.
Boy was I wrong.

[Eryn]

Wife threw a fit. Don't love her, if I did I'd cut my hair like a man's. Tears. Aughhh!

And you could reply that she doesn't love you because she denies your feelings and manipulates you by feigning emotion.

But, what would be the point? Love isn't turned on and off by a hairstyle or a crying binge. It is an ongoing attachment between two people who are in touch with each other's feelings and who have respect for each other. Love evolves as needed. I don't sense much of that here.

Nadine, women are manipulative.

That is a very, very, broad brush, and unjustly applied. Some women are manipulative, and so are some men. Others are forthright and honest.

[Liz57]

Christina, listening to music on my phone at work while reading your post. Lone Me A Dime came on and it seemed fitting that some blues should come on. I say put on some blues along with your nightgown and fuzzy slippers and down a bottle of Mad Dog 20 20. I'm not suggesting that you drink your problems away regularly but once in a while, what the hell. It just crossed my mind that earlier tonight Almost Cut My Hair played. I'm not sure that there's any significance, but I hadn't heard it in a long time.

Liz57

[paulaprimo]

Be a man speak up and say no every now and then and even better say hell no.

i wasn't afraid to say no!!
when my 2nd wife asked me if i loved her, i said "no"!
and when my third wife asked the same thing, i said "hell no"!!

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Its actually enjoyable not having a SO to do these things to me
I so enjoy dressing and going as I want without anyone to tell me differently.

[ChristinaK]

Liz, how coincidental!

Eryn. Well, women are just emotional. She knows I want my hair long to be girly and she doesn't like that.

Sometimes, in my selfish ways, I push things a little too far. I had neglected to put my nightgown away after wearing it a few days when she wasn't there and have hung a few in my closet. The combination was too much for her when she .axe the assumption that I was going 5o get my hair cut short.

[Diversity]

It's unfortunate and certainly not equal when women can wear anything, and present in any mode and be socially accepted. It's time for CD'rs to become the suffragettes! 😄
Di

[Tina_gm]

Your wife is throwing you the old heterosexual thing out there isn't she?? At some point we CDers have to understand that heterosexual women.... wives, GF's, they are not going to like it. I may be sounding a bit harsh here, but that is sort of the way it is. Love should conquer all blah blah blah, but it can't conquer sexuality or gender. We shouldn't expect it to. If we loved them, we should stay as men all the time blah blah blah, if they loved us, they would accept it blah blah blah. Try to find a compromise as best you can. Realize that any feminization you do is something she would not prefer. Whatever you get, is a loss for her, just as you cutting your hair was a loss for you.

If you just cannot find the compromise, if you find that you and her are too far apart, no need to hate on her. Heterosexuality is what it is. accept that it is a bridge too far and stop the struggle for the both of you.

[PaulaQ]

Saturday evening I got it all cut off. High and tight.

I have been in a poor mood ever since. I enjoyed so much being Christina with my own hair. I enjoyed being a man in androgynous mode.

Oh well, marriage is a compromise, right?

You should never compromise on being who you really are, in my opinion. This may make compromise impossible, really. Having a relationship get in the way of you being the person you are is a bad tradeoff. There are lots of miserable relationships for all sorts of reasons not related to gender. People end them sometimes, if they can't be fixed. This isn't any different than any of those other myriad things that go wrong between two people.

Your reaction to your haircut is a symptom of gender dysphoria, by the way. It's a mild reaction, but still, there it is.

[donnalee]

AS Erin said, respect is the crux of of a relationship. Without it, you are just 2 people manipulating each other to obtain a perceived advantage. You really need to stand up for yourself more and not let her push you around. Compromise isn't equivalent to collapse.

[jenniferinsf]

Had the same experience two and one half months ago...gotten used to it now and my wife is always pointing how many women have short hair...so time it is the pixie look instead of the wig...the relationship is more important

[ChristinaK]

Most married couples are comfortable in their roles. We are a little different. We need to keep our SOs happy, yet keep us happy too.

Sometimes that's a real tightrope. Especially since I am becoming more Transgendered with time.

So, we have to, some of us, hide it from our wives and skulk around so we don't show our true identity. That's most unfortunate, but when you're dealing with strict paradigms about gender roles, such as my wife, then we can push the boundaries every once and a while to discover what they will accept, but have to also accept that there is a point that steel breaks instead of bends.

So, we compromise. In my case, there is no communication about the subject. I'm a pervert, that's it. So, I have to discover from time to time what level of pervertedness she will allow.

We all have to compromise and that's the way I do it, right or wrong.

I just felt like complaining, I guess. I envy you girls who have open minded SOs. Sometimes just reading about it makes me push the boundary.

I was away from my wife for 6 months and let my hair grow. She didn't say anything, so I let it grow more. At last, she broke and let me have it.

[Launa]

Its a darn good thing we aren't friends cause if you made up your mind to get a high/tight to please the wife I would have first egged you on and offered to pay before the haircut to going to the salon and come home with a Marsha Clark perm and saying how about this new do? Then go back for the cut. LOL

Anyway this really sucks that you can't have the hair you want. It obviously means a lot to you and you might need to try to grow it again later. Hey summer is coming and may as well start growing now as there are so many distractions in the summer months nobody will notice! Let the hair start growing and discuss it all again later! You'll have that hair coming around again in 4 - 5 months! Big whoop from today remember back 5 months and its really not that long of a wait. Good luck!

Cheers

[MissTee]

I was wondering, Kristina, if you and your wife had ever communicated with each other on what boundaries you can live with in regards to your "other side." It has been said here many times that communication is important, and that surprises or drifting over the boundaries usually doesn't end well. Are you DADT, out to her completely, or ?

[Angie G]

Seems like a lot of wive's want everything there way. My wife never got as much as she wanted. And she is still my loving wife after 47 years.
Angie

[MsVal]

The actual true value of something, anything, is exactly what the buyer and seller agree upon.

So ... what's your femininity worth? Can it be bought with some tears and an accusation?

Yes, that sounds harsh, and it was meant to sound harsh, because that's what I had to say to myself before I realized that my femininity was worth A LOT more than that.

I had cut my hair short "for the holidays" in 2014. Eleven months and a couple femme cuts later I cut it short again "for marital peace". Both times triggered a trip to my dark place, a place I never, ever want to visit again.

I won't make the mistake of denying my true identity ever again. I made that decision a couple months ago after finally accepting myself. I haven't felt better in YEARS.

That decision was accompanied by serious consequences. I cannot be the man my wife needs me to be, and she cannot accept the woman I need me to be. Even though we still love and respect each other our marriage is over. I will be moving out in a couple months. Even so, "I haven't felt better in YEARS" still applies.

What's it worth to you?

Best wishes
MsVal