Hi everyone, this is a little rant/ getting some things off my chest and I apologise in advance if i go off into tangents. Recently I haven't had the chance to dress much which is always a bummer but the last few days I have really started to get fed up and a little agitated with being a male. I just wish I could be the woman I want to be without any problems. I see all of you looking so lovely and i can't stop thinking, 'i wish I could do the things that the others do.'
I can now afford to buy some clothes now but I can't get anywhere without my parents so that's another thing that's annoying. I have applied for a driving license so i can starting learning how to drive but it could be ages yet before i can start getting around. I know i can probably get some online but my mum is always home so there is a risk of her getting my parcel before me.
Back in January I wanted to start transitioning so bad but I don't know why but them feelings slowly dissapeared, I don't know if this has happened to any of you before, now they have come back and I feel horrible because I hate how i look, even in my pictures that i have been dressed in look terrible to me. If I could have a couple of outfits and a bit of makeup that I could wear day to day maybe it would ease the feelings until i can start transitioning. I feel like I will probably end up transitioning because I feel like these thoughts will never go and I feel like it's the right thing to do for me.
I want a relationship but im scared too because when I tell them about me I don't want to scare them off. I just hate being on my own because my friends never want to go out or anything and I never see them because they're either busy or out with others.
Thanks for taking your time to read this and sorry if its a long post.