The battle to overcome the purely sexual charge of crossdressing!

[lisa_vin]

Hi y'all! I wonder how many others have had to deal with this.

I have been crossdressing since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I've always loved the silky softness and happy, content and "whole" feeling the clothing gives me. However, somewhere around the very early teens an overwhelming sexual charge began to take over and changed things. Suddenly, whenever I put on anything feminine at all, I was overcome with the sexual charge and had to "relieve" myself. As soon as this occurred, I immediately felt embarrassed, ashamed, dirty, ugly and utterly worthless as I couldn't wait to rip the clothing off of me and get away from it. However, I would gradually gravitate back to the clothing and put it back on only to become overwhelmed again and go through the very same ritual. This went on for many years up until my very late 30's or so. It became a challenge as I battled those sexual charges every time I put on the clothing with the goal being to stay in the clothing longer and longer to enjoy all of the other wonderful feelings and benefits it gave me. I absolutely despised those feelings I got when the sexual aspect got the best of me and I would get angry with myself for being so weak.

Finally, the sexual aspect of it began to wane and just kinda' suddenly went away and I could finally enjoy all of the good feelings and benefits of crossdressing. It was like some kind of giant evil weight had been lifted from me. I still have a slightly heightened awareness of what I'm wearing but it is a good awareness that brings with it such happiness, relaxation, contentment and a nice feeling of being a "whole" person. Can anyone else relate?

[Rachelakld]

SAME
I did however come to terms with the "embarrassing, ashamed, dirty" aspect when I was 20 (thanks to a supportive mum), so until the sexual aspect wore off about 12 years later, it was a fun sexual period of my life.

[Lori Kurtz]

The first part of your story squares almost exactly with my experience. I too started very young, and as soon as my body was ready to be satisfied sexually, that became a part of my dress-up routine. I never got over that intensity of sexual charge in relation to my dressing. In middle age, though, I made a conscious decision to do without dressing up, in order to have a satisfying relationship with a woman (a real woman who was not the female side myself, that is). I never told her about my CD proclivity and past, and I had a great relationship with her for many years of marriage. I guess I was like a dry drunk--I was a non-dressing crossdresser. And now that she's gone, that's what I still am, because I'm too old to be the sexy babe who was my female self for all those years of the earlier part of my life. Relating to the other "girls" here, and enjoying the pictures they post, is a remnant of my formerly active female self. I do feel like a "whole" person now, but I think if I started dressing up again (and didn't look too closely at the old lady trying to appear sexy in the mirror), it would instantly be just as sexually stimulating as it ever was.

[wanda66]

Totally relate t . I could not put it better myself I'm sure most of us have had the same experience thank you for sharing

[reb.femme]

I had exactly the same sexual urges in my teens, right up until not too long ago. I absolutely love the soft and silky feel of materials against my skin, but as I now dress fairly regularly, that urge has gone and I live to dress with the aim to be the best I can. I can't say I felt dirty or worthless, but the fear of discovery was always in my mind during my exploration of female clothing.

I see myself as gender fluid and it just feels so normal for me and I can't envisage ever giving this up willingly.

Becky

[Alice Torn]

At age 61, there is still some sexual stimulation, when i am dressed a certain way, ans see the tall sexy lady in the mirror, but not near so much as years ago.

[Mykaa]

Yes I can relate also, I still fight it. I told myself recently I was starting over, joining here, talking, accepting myself. Ive learned a lot about myself just this last year. I gave up these bad feelings. I am going forward, No more looking back. I like being pretty,I may even try being totally Fem in public. I also enjoy being male, I am who I am. I am a good person. I feel good when Im dressed,I do enjoy looking good. I have different levels yes, but being here has helped me so much, I know Ive wanted to cry more than once this last week, but I do pretty good most of the time. Ive ran away from myself for years, hid this side of me away, Ive overcompensated with long hours of work and missed a lot of just living. No more, I wear at least some of my clothes out, I try to be more practical, Im truly happy for the first time in years. A door opened for me and Im on the other side. Im also not alone, So good to be here with people who know and understand.

[Julia1984]

Hi Lisa
You don't say how long you've felt this way. Or how long you've been alone. Both are potentially relevant. I do wonder ( as a "late bloomer") whether there is sometimes a correlation between getting older (and so less agressively masculine) and feeling ok with accepting who we are, gender-wise. Maybe it's the same for you, but manifesting in a different way due to different circumstances.
Whatever the reason for your feelings, or lack of them, it's all part of the voyage that is life.
Sorry if that sounds trite or simplistic. It is both, I know, but one is limited by the medium.
You're ok and all will be well.

Take care
Julia

[Gillian Gigs]

Yes, I too can relate to this experience. I moved beyond the, "can't get out of the clothes fast enough", by forcing myself to stay dressed for varying periods of time after the 'deed' was done. Now I wear what I want with the occasional time of getting "charged up". What you have written is very typical.

[Nadine Robles]

That sexual thrive starting to fade away is just your hormone levels lowering down as you age. Whenever you feel dirty, ashamed or whatever, just try to remember is just chemicals inside your body, and it has nothing to do with some ethical thing. Just do whatever pleases you, as long as its not harmful for other beings or the environment (that saying alone leaves a huge damn load of things away Im afraid...)

[Robin414]

I 'experimented' with CDing in my 20's but I'm not sure if it turned me on, cuz EVERYTHING turned me on, I was in my 20's people 😃

Oh how those were the daze...I mean days!

[Tracii G]

There was a sexual charge at 15 the first time I put my GF's panties on
After that day they felt good when she would let me wear hers but never a sexual charge.

[Annette_boy]

Me too. I started young and in my teens and twentys there was a sexual component. That soon wore off.It was not until my sixties that I finally accepted that I was transgendered and now live as my real self.

Hugs Annette

[mykell]

Father Guido Sarducci is a fictional character, On his first appearance on Saturday Night Live, a skit called "How to Pay for Your Sins" on a 1978 episode he discussed the prices for various sins, the cost for masturbation was what he called it....a cheap sin, 35¢

so like in the skit when your waiting to be charged for your sins before you get to heaven dont come up 35¢ short and all should work out.

[Jenniferathome]

Well as guys in our teens, it didn't take much more than a gentle breeze to get a chubby. It's just the nature of guys. We all grow out of it.

[rebecca_ns]

I can surely relate. I used to feel the intense guilt as well. Then, I had a girlfriend in the late nineties who also used to get incredibly turned on by wearing satin dresses. It was then that it occured to me. Men are not the only ones who get turned on by women's clothing - many women get turned on by it too. We like what we like.

[Chelsea B]

This is consistent with my experience, except for the fact that the sexual aspect was gone by my late twenties. I stopped for quite a few years after that, and did not start again until a few months ago....I just turned 65. There is no sexual thrill, and no arousal, just peace, well being, and a deep feeling of satisfaction. Before I started to dress again at this age, there was nothing sexual in my cross dreaming either, which in my youth always excited me to dress. Instead, I knew the feelings I would experience would be deeply satisfying in many other important ways.

[JeanTG]

Very common experience. Myself included. Now however it's almost the opposite. While I feel sensually more alert when dressed (loving the feel of the feminine fabrics), dressing up calms me and ratchets down the urge a few notches.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a fetish dresser, Lisa. But, I don't relate to u because I started dressing in my 50's. Dressing brought sex BACK INTO MY LIFE!

I think u left out some important info. R u married now or were u? Or, do u date? Women could satisfy your sexual urges. If they vanished, dressing MAY do it for u again!

On the other hand, I'm so hooked on Sherry, online dating real women has been a let down for me!

[Robin414]

That's a great point Sherry! I'll have to add it to my pile of 'why I do this' notes. Yes, like many newbs, I'm still in the self analysis stage...I know, it'll pass (at least something about me will pass 😅 )

[summerbunny]

Because I glue and medical tape TUCK my guy is not around to bother me much but he stays in the shadows.
Makes you behave like a Lady! Not easy to get free!

[prettytoes]

I have had the same experiences. Now it seems that the excitement occurs most often when I get something new. I can put on a skirt that I have had for a while...nothing. But, if I get a new skirt (or leggings, panties, bra, capris...etc!)...the excitement returns. When I got my first pedi, there was a very noticeable reaction as soon as my girl started applying color. Keep in mind, she is drop-dead gorgeous...but it was her applying color that brought on the reaction. I had to "cool down" a bit before I could stand up from the chair (thank goodness for slow drying polish!). For some reason, that still excites me like nothing else.

[TrishaTX]

I actually never thought I could dress or go out with out satisfying that urge. At an early age , it was the total reason I dressed and then I too put it away to get married kids etc , then it came on full force especially in my 40s and I realized it is part of me wanting to be a women. Yes, I can dress go out and not have any stimulation but it eventually leads there. It is what I want when I dress, I love the feeling of the clothes, how I look and how I feel as a women sexually. That is still who it is for me.

[docrobbysherry]

Because I glue and medical tape TUCK my guy is not around to bother me much but he stays in the shadows.
Makes you behave like a Lady! Not easy to get free!

I don't know how that stops u, SB. Altho, the "glue and tape" part sounds terrible!

I always tuck and I've been having sex that way for 10 years!

[Lily Catherine]

I have never relieved myself while dressed. Although I do get turned on by the thought of dressing, it is never the end or the climax of the process. Looking naturally like, well, a girl for my asymptote is a close approximation of the endgame.

I was stupid enough to try to perform a clumsy striptease while crossdressed during one of my sexually charged sessions, resulting in me feeling totally empty and dejected now that the clothes were off. I stopped short at lingerie as I couldn't bear to go any further.

Apart from that, I didn't really feel any embarassment once I came out for the first time. If I wish to discuss it I'll darn well discuss it with neither fear nor shame; if I don't take charge who is to?