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Thread: Common Sense

  1. #1
    The Journey Begins AmberDay's Avatar
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    Exclamation Common Sense

    I rarely ever post or even log in here, but I wanted to share what happened tonight to a TG/CD in hopes of sparing someone on here what they went through. If you are going to go out on the town, make sure you have a way to get back home. I am a city transit bus driver. Tonight at around 1230am I saw a TG/CD at a bus stop on the east side of town. I knew she was TG/CD right away; she was wearing a red business skirt suit, black hose, with polished black pumps. She was also wearing overly large sunglasses. I'm not knocking her appearance (you should have seen some of the outfits I wore when I first started going out). Her type of look would work during the day during business hours, but not late at night while standing on the side of the road. She would have been better off in jeans and sneakers for a middle of the night look. I stop and she gives me a shy smile and I thank her for paying her fare and she sat down. I get all the way to the end of the line on the west side and found it odd that she was still on board. I asked if she knew where she was going and she nodded yes. We are required to collect fares for someone round tripping, but I just let it go. I figured she missed her stop. I get back downtown at 2am and she is still on board. Problem is, I'm done for the night. Not just me, nor my route, but the whole transit system. As I pull into the hub, I stop and tell her I'm terminating and she needs to get off here. She is visually shaken. She tried at first talking like a female (nothing against her voice, I paid $700 in voice training lessons and I still can't sound like a female), but she quickly gave up and reverted to her guy voice. She wanted to know if I can take her back home; she didn't know the buses stopped running around 2am. I explained I have to take the bus back to the garage. She then started pleading with me. I explained to her I can't, it would cost me my job. I couldn't even sneak her back over there since we are tracked by satellite and they would know the second I went off route. Also they would know I was late pulling into the garage. I wasn't going to risk it. I advised her to take a taxi, but she only brought a single bus token. No money nor debit/ credit cards. I thought that was rather ridiculous. When I go out dressed, I always have cash AND a card just in case. I then advised her to call a friend or family member to pick her up, and she said she couldn't because she doesn't want anyone to know about her dressing. I felt bad because she then wanted to know if I could give her a ride home in my car, and as much as I felt for her, I wasn't going to risk anything happening to me. I've already had a nasty experience giving a stranger a ride before. Also, I don't live anywhere near where she got on at and it would have been way out of the way for me. So here she is, stuck downtown, dressed to the nines, without any money. The buses don't start running again until around 530am, but she doesn't even have money for bus fare. I would have given her a couple dollars, but I don't carry cash on me at work and I wasn't going to go to an ATM downtown and get robbed. She was understandably freaking out. She is now stranded in downtown Dayton for several hours all dressed up with no money and no way home. It is 30 degrees and her hose isn't going to keep her legs that warm.

    Tip: We have all done the late night outing; that's how I started going out in public. Many can attest that going out late at night isn't the safest time to do it. I understand people have certain times to go out and some feel more comfortable in the dark. Ultimately, if you decide to go out on a bus late at night, make certain you have enough money to get back home and most importantly: Make certain the bus will get you back home! That's good advice if you go out dressed as a female or out as a male. Now I'm going to be up all night feeling bad for her; debating if I should have risked giving her a ride home. Then again, the last time I took someone home, I was robbed. I don't trust anyone anymore, sigh.
    “But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.”
    ― Ellen Wittlinger,


    "we could mix all three, the two gendered and the one non-gendered, "she", "he", and "it", to make "shi...". No, nevermind, that won't work either... "
    Alimarx SDMB 2004

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member DebsUK's Avatar
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    Well, she was pretty stupid for getting into that position. I hope she found someone to help who was a bit more sympathetic to her position before she was beaten or worse

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nikkilovesdresses's Avatar
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    Hi Amber, you have nothing to feel bad about. You had already turned a blind eye to her riding the bus farther than she ought, you offered her various sensible solutions to her problem, and you quite rightly chose not to jeopardise your job or own personal safety.

    Another alternative might have been to offer to call her a cab, suggesting that she stop off at a safe ATM, or perhaps had cash at home to pay the fare.

    Good reading from you-

    Nikki
    I used to have a short attention spa

  4. #4
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    Amber,
    To me it sounds like she dressed out of desperation , for some reason of which us may have gone through over the years. Maybe blame pink fog but it sounds as if she just said the hell with it got dressed and walked out the door, then obviously became trapped through not thinking what she was doing and hadn't considered money or how to get back home after her mind settled down.
    Obviously I could be wrong but how many of us have had those moments of not caring and just wanting to shout it from the roof tops. If I'm right I really feel for her, you were in a difficult situation with having to adhere to company rules. Maybe I might have taken a chance and just driven her home, I guess if she'd allowed it I would have checked her handbag to make sure she wasn't carrying anything offensive that she could harm you with.
    I would doubt it's an isolated story, I wonder how many times the police have had to deal with situations like this, maybe that could have been you're way out .

  5. #5
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    You shouldn't loose any sleep, it really wasn't your problem. I will say even myself when we get a chance to walk out the door we get so excited or nervous that we forget the little things. Well believe it or not I probably would have got in the same situation, my friend is a bus driver and he told me they want to start running the buses an hour earlier on Sundays. I told him I thought the buses run all night, and found out they stop running at 2: am. But I believe I wouldn't have been without money or an interact card. I also would have felt bad but there's nothing you could have did about it without making it personal. You said the magic words COMMON SENSE. Thanks for the post it always a good reminder before leaving the door to have a plan and a back up plan.
    Last edited by Maria 60; 03-26-2016 at 05:31 AM.

  6. #6
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    There is zero reason why you should feel bad about what you did or did not do. In fact, you should feel pretty good about yourself because you gave her much more empathy than the average Muggle driver might have.

    Your passenger created her own predicament, sad as that is. I believe most of us here have common sense light years beyond hers.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member
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    oh wow, what a predicament. After reading your story, I would have done the same thing you did. I am siding with you, always carry cash/credit card, and a plan on getting home.

  8. #8
    member stacycoral's Avatar
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    Wow, i can understand, but you have to protect yourself first, and hopely she get home and has learn a lesson even it is the hard way, thanks for telling your story and that many of us girl will learn from it. hugs.lady
    [SIZE="3"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Stacy Lynn Coral[/SIZE]

  9. #9
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Amber,
    You did all you reasonable could, don't feel bad. This situation was of her own making.

    This is a classic failure to do what the CD'ing guide book says and remember to plan ahead. You always need a contingency plan. I rarely put my car keys in my handbag but keep them in a pocket so if my bag were to be snatched I can still get in the car where I left a spare set of house keys. Cover the bases.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  10. #10
    Little Mrs. Snarky! Nadine Spirit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AmberDay View Post
    We have all done the late night outing.....
    Nope, sorry, never have done the late night outing thing. I think it is more than a bit odd.

    Anywho...... Don't loose sleep over it. I really think anyone who does that is pretty foolish. Seriously people, why would that seem like a good idea? Many of you apparently have your priorities all mixed up! Going out late at night, seriously actually risking your lives. Why? Because you are more afraid of people you know finding out about you? How is it that is worse than death? Pretty extreme.

    You did what you could for her. More than what many others may have.

  11. #11
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I stopped going out well in my teens.
    I would go out after midnight, the "bewitching hour" but stay within a few blocks from home.
    I was harassed big-time twice by two drivers trying to pick me up, and chased one time by a group of older teens.
    Never went out again.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  12. #12
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    Wow Amber, I feel your pain, and hers, a no win situation unfortunately.

    @Judy - yikes! IMHO maybe you should try more public venues, I've seen your pics and I can see why you might get hit on, you look absolutely gorgeous! You would completely fit in any public venue though!

  13. #13
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    So sad for the both of you. Amber, I know you were torn in half, wanting to help her, but could not. Not a situation I would want to have been in. And for the late night rider. Wow, she must have panicked, being stranded downtown. It was her own fault, but maybe she had underlying problems that caused her situation. In any event you both were put on the spot.

  14. #14
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Thanks for you kindness, and patience with that Cder. Maybe the Cd has mental issues, too. Many yrs ago, while i was working, a man, non Cd came up to me, and told me his mom was dying, his girfriend kicked him out, he had a nervous breakdown, and he need a few bucks, and a ride. I believed him, and took him many places that night, and gave him 43 dollars. Then dropped him off. I later ran into him again, and he tried to sell me a television. Finally, i got it. Liar! Con man! Probably got drugs. Told him i could do no more. Fool i was! I think i would have driven the Cd home, but that's just because it was so cold out, and I would fear frostbite, death from elements. But , you were robbed once, and you just never know, sadly.

  15. #15
    Member Tonya Rose's Avatar
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    Common Sense, Is not a plant that grow`s in everyone`s garden....
    Tonya Rose This is me! (song by camp rock)

  16. #16
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    OK, here you go. Talk to her, explain why you're reluctant, you've been robbed before. If she's ok with it, then call the cops. Again explain the situation, that you're willing to drive her home, but am worried about your own safety. They can decide if she's a decent risk for a ride. Plus, they know you took her home, they know both your names, so you're both protected to some extent now that the police are involved. If she turns out to be free of weapons and/or a criminal record, THEN I'd drive her home. While I've never driven public transportation, I have driven for a living, and did something like this for someone who was stranded. In my case, everything worked out just fine. Stranded person got home, I did a good deed, cops did their job professionally (and this was almost 40 years ago).
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Good advice Sometimes Miss.

  18. #18
    Member Erin Lafleur's Avatar
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    I am convinced that you did the right thing Amber. Anyone who finds them self downtown, alone, with no money and/or debit/credit cards is an accident looking for a place to happen, dressed or otherwise. I know that for many of us, our first instinct is to help and I understand and applaud that.
    That being said, her lack of the slightest sense of rational thought, harsh as it sounds, was not your problem. She was either unwilling or unable to anticipate the extent to which she would burden others with her lack of common sense. Neither option speaks well of her. Not the kind of person you want to be vulnerable to at 2:00AM, alone. You made the wise choice. No second guessing required, in my opinion.
    Erin
    The most common form of despair is not being who you are. - Soren Kierkegaard

  19. #19
    Reality Check
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    You can't risk your job just to help someone. Don't feel bad because someone was to stupid to plan ahead.

  20. #20
    Junior Member Rita Leigh's Avatar
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    I think you did the only thing you could do...be empathic but cautious. I agree with you that she should have planned better...perhaps she did and got taken advantage of...lost her money and her ride. I am very nervous when out alone, especially in my car after going to a club/bar for a few hours of normalcy while dressed. Expect/enjoy the best but prepare for the worst!

  21. #21
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Amber, we all want to help other like minded individuals. However, we cannot do so when it would cost us our job or our personal safety. You did the right thing. In the end, it was her fault for not planning better.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  22. #22
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    and people here want empathy,

    Bus driver...couldn't you call dispatch and get someone there (I am sure there is a contingency plan somewhere for this type of thing)? Or the police as someone said? It was nice you took her round trip and we understand your fear, but how would you feel if this morning the news paper said something happened. The police could have handled the situation in a safe and quiet way.

    I pray no one here is ever in need somewhere and relies on the goodness of CDs, what the heck, you should have planned for it. Simple, you have a person at risk, the police will handle it. That's sorta what they do (after they do all that L&O stuff). What would you have done if she had a flat tire and you stopped?
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  23. #23
    My name is Carol Julogden's Avatar
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    No arguing that she was in the situation you describe because she screwed up, but I personally don't see that as a reason to think that she didn't deserve help. I would have given her taxi fare if possible.
    My name is Carol.

  24. #24
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    Several of you missed that Amber didn't have money on her either. She could have gone to any hospital and sought help or what ever. Warm and secure. Police may have provided her a ride if they weren't busy.

  25. #25
    Member ~Katelyn~'s Avatar
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    Amber like everyone said you did the right thing. I can go out at night dressed,walk around town. I live in small town where hardly anything happens. I hope that she did make it home safe,maybe next time she will have money on her.

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