There wasn't anyone around here that I knew of so I ventured alone out to parks and such at first. Then I went to a few malls and after that its all history. I went out a lot and stopped wherever I needed to such as gasoline stations, convenience stores, etc. I probably had all the fears as others but somehow I overcame them rather quickly and perhaps I've become too relaxed. I too think we are our worst enemy at times...I was also fortunate to meet a few others from here...
I have met others and I have no problem with helping any CD/TG/TS with confidence building. Have a local CD met on another site. We chatted and c2c. I invited her over to my place so we can talk together. I remember how lonely it can be for some. He comes under dressed and changes to her. We talk about all kinds of stuff for hours and hours. Hoping I can get her to come out to one of our local meetup group outings. She has a crazy work schedule.
Wow, the responses have been pretty interesting to read! I think generally, it's being able to overcome that fear for me (and apparently many others)... and those of you who have overcome the fear seem to be better off for it...
Ugh... Honestly, it would've been easier if I still lived in Cali, as it seems to be less of a big deal to even be made, or whatever... not to mention the general range of humans is much greater...
Lilving in Korea now, everyone is basically the same size. I can't even buy girl's clothes here because they're all too small. The stylsh clothes are sold in basically one size which works out to close to a 0-2... In a world such as this, it makes me wanting to venture out even more daunting... So perhaps it won't happen in public.. but given the right circumstance, I'd love to at least meet someone say in private or some kind of safer environment and just enjoy that kind of time together...
Julia, the east of England is a large area and can be a bit of a desert for us. Depending on where you live there are groups that you can visit. Two that I attend have dressing facilities if you cannot arrive dressed, if you would like more info PM me.
Carole
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Let me throw my oar into the water.
The most importantly thing I feel to venturing out is the self confidence to actually do it. Many if not all of our fears turn out to be groundless and it can be a wonderful experience.
Don't worry about passing, I do not pass and don't let it stop me. I look the best that I can and that's all I can do.
I do think one of the big venue's would be a great time to do this. You don't have to travel pretty and can change once you arrive. I do know that SCC used to have chaperones (I forget what they were called) who would help the first timers get over their fear of stepping outside of their hotel room.
Good luck and let us know how it turns out!
CD's are not much different than non Cd's. We can have CDing in common, but not have much of anything else in common. CDing is not a magic wand to be compatible, also.
What prevents many from going out dressed is fear. Fear of unknown possiblilites that might happen. For me, that would mostly be running into someone I know. But that is beginning to fade away. Maybe I should intentionally run into someone I know as a way of facing that fear and get it over with?
I've been out a couple of times with other CDs in places other than my home town. (And that would be a good first step for any closet CD.) All I've done on my own is going to the Dunes TG weekend (a gay bar), and I drove while dressed which is really no big deal at all.
I don't even like to go out to bars or restaurants by myself in male mode, so that would be a big step to take en femme. What it would take to go out solo would be the decision to do it - with a basic plan A and plan B. Maybe the first outing would be a few of those baby steps! (drive thru taco bell, pumping gas etc.) But I also have more opportunities to go out (on the town!) with other CDs and should do that too.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
I live in a relatively large city so I was lucky to find a burlesque group that offered classes. Let me tell you, burlesque folk are very, very accepting. When I first started taking classes I was very much in the closet, I had ventured out for a drive or walk around the block at night but not much else. Initially I took the classes and was able to present in boy mode but wore heels for class. We learned how to walk sexy in heels and add arm motion, very dance like. As classes progressed I took part in bra and stocking removal class. The genetic girls in class were new to this too and we're just as shy as I was but we developed a camaraderie as we learned to accept our bodies together. They are now some of my best friends, we are going to Las Vegas this summer, 12 girls and me. All of them will be expecting me to dress to the nines along side them.
Look for a burlesque class near you. I couldn't recommend it any higher.
Rebecca Bas
Curiosity,Originally Posted by Curiosity666
I also have never ventured out. It's something I hope to do one day, but I have a few criteria beforehand.
1) Get my look and and outfit so that I am 100% happy with it. So practice some more makeup, get better fitting shoes, ect
2) Find somewhere that I can be relatively sure will provide a safe environment even if don't pass, and
3) Find some other CD or GG friends that I can meet beforehand and spend the night with. Safety in numbers and someone to push me through the door into the Uber when the time comes
I've seen the pictures. You're achieving a really great look already but yep comfy shoes are a must. Find a support group, that'll give you the safe environment you initially need.
Jane,
Very very very few of us pass and I'm not one of them. Looking at your avatar you present well. Society while not yet 100% accepting is hugely more tolerant than it was back in the 70's. The goal posts have moved. There are many larger ladies here. At a support group I attended there were those wearing 4" heels that took them to giddy heights yet went out clubbing. There are now clubs, pubs and eateries that are accepting of all and any regardless of size. The past is just that. Look forward and live for the now.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
I also have never ventured out. It's something I hope to do one day, but I have a few criteria beforehand.
1) Get my look and and outfit so that I am 100% happy with it. So practice some more makeup, get better fitting shoes, ect
2) Find somewhere that I can be relatively sure will provide a safe environment even if don't pass, and
3) Find some other CD or GG friends that I can meet beforehand and spend the night with. Safety in numbers and someone to push me through the door into the Uber when the time comesI went out yesterday for the very first time and ironically it was out of fear. I was afraid of being caught at my office even though it was a Saturday. So I took my stuff and left to another side of the complex. Afterwards I went walking for a very short amount of time (5 or 10 minutes tops) around the office park when I knew there would be an infinitesimally small chance of being seen so I'm not sure it really counts.Never dared going out It would probably take a real GG friend that will be brutally honest about how I look and will tell me if my makeup isn't on point and will help me with that and just treat me like one of her girlfriends and will go out with me to cover for me not talking saying that I lost my voice or some thing and a beter wig that's undetectable close up plus shoes that fits betterstill can't get girl voice working
But Helena and Curiosity bring up some points that I think are important because while I was taking pics of myself there was a guy who slowed down while driving by me and then turned around. Kinda freaked me out and made me wish I had a GG friend or others there with me. The two of you have amazing presentations in your photos yet you have reservations about passing and not being made. That is another huge thing for me. Before really getting out amongst the general public I would want to feel as confident as possible with how I looked as well as those things we don't see in photos; mannerisms, voice, walk, etc.
Which brings me to Julia's question.
I have to disagree. If it weren't about passing then why slap on boobs and a wig. If we know we don't pass then why go to such effort to try and look like a woman? If it were not about passing we would simply put on a skirt, do our nails, damn the torpedoes and walk into the world with our caveman walk, deep voices and hairy arms.
So for me to get out for "real"... I want to get as close to passing as possible. Pretty much just cut and paste Curiosity's and Helena's lists and that's me.
I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.
You don't have to have someone to go out with and you don't have to go anyplace special. Dress yourself up and visit the local shopping mall. Just walk around window shopping, you don't have to go into the stores. Go to a nearby city and walk around the business section like you are going someplace. Go to the tourist section and walk around as a tourist. Go to the park.
In any event, dress like a woman would dress for the time and place. Don't forget your purse.
The first time is a bit like getting into a cold swimming pool. The best way is to make up your mind and then jump in.
Then my giblets would shrink up really small and I wouldn't have to worry about my tuck.
I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.
Sue, you are confusing "passing" with "presenting." Even in your own words, " ...want to get as close as possible..." which clearly means NOT PASSING as a genetic woman. When one goes to the effort of presenting well, it can look like an attempt at "passing" but in truth, because almost zero cross dressers can actually pass as a genetic woman, it is an effort of presentation. Because the normals rarely look up from their phones and personal spheres of interest, one who presents well will not set off alarms for the general public. People don't notice what they don't see.
Point well taken Jen. Very good point.
I have even said in a few comments of my own that it (dressing) is like stepping in to character. And I try (not sure if I pull it off every time) but try to be careful in my comments by using the word 'presentation' or one's 'look', etc.
I suppose there is wide gray area that starts at transforming goes to presenting and if one is lucky in the genetic lottery, actually passing.
I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.
I live in the Amarillo area, which is about as conservative an environment as they come, been going out for 15 years with no significant issues. In fact, I've been impressed overall with how tolerant people here are, not at all like the redneck Texas stereotype. Of course, common sense is the key. Some places would just be asking for trouble, obviously.
As for bumping into someone you know, once again common sense is the ticket. Mainstream venues close to home are definitely a risk, and I for one would not count on not being recognized. But there are a gazillion places you can go in a big city like Dallas, and lgbt clubs are great places to hang for numerous reasons.
If you use good judgment, the biggest obstacle is your own paranoia, sweetie.
yes safety in numbers 2 min.
mostly where you go will say safe or not.
but not sure of the "sf bay area" been so long sence i moved out of there.
but there is a group in walnut creek and in sacramento. ( only two i know of).
but after you do go out in the real world you will always wounder why it took you so long to do so.
most people out there will not notice or care.
i once over heard a older lady talking to her friend saying that guy is in girls jeans. ( only guy stuff i own is required work clothing) i was dress shopping at that time.
but if any groups in sf go you will love the time. ( stay sobber)
then it will be a luncen date. shopping, and mac cosmetics is tg friendly
.
Jennifer, I look at "passing" as a moving target. You are absolutely correct that most of us would not pass under close scrutiny. For example, sitting in a restaurant for an entire meal, dealing with servers and having other customers at nearby tables.
At the other extreme, driving in our cars or walking down the street, I think some of us can "pass", meaning that most folks will just see a woman driving or walking by and not give us a second glance. Of course, those of us built like Hulk Hogan or those of us who can't resist the urge to overdress and wear too much makeup will still likely be read.
Krisi - I think that is a good way to look at passing; a healthy way to view it.
But many don't. Many have a goal of no one being able to discover that they are a GM, no matter what they are doing. That my friends is the unrealistic part.
As to the OP - What did it take for me to get out? Acceptance. Accepting that I was born with a male body and I want to dress as a woman, and that is OK. It is so OK that I am willing to walk around in public with that knowledge, and I don't care who knows it.
So any CD can pass as long as people pass without looking! Sound like it's everyone else that's passing
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
My wife was out of state for seven days and six nights so that enabled me to venture forth once again. I'm six foot even bare footed and 195 lbs. There aren't too many women with my physique. I limited my outings to driving to safe residential areas and took strolls. It was in evenings with moonlights and one or two days it was rainy which offered the opportunity to use an umbrella. An umbrella does obscure the face and some height which enabled me to pass people on the sidewalks rather than trying to avoid them. I love the cool breeze caressing my legs and playing with the skirt of my dresses and slips..no pants in my wardrobe. After awhile it was rather boring.
I have dressed to the nines totally en femme on Halloween many years ago. I weighed less (175) but still was six foot one back then. I ventured into Safeway on one occasion and a Winchell's Donuts Shop on another. No big deal. I did get a compliment from one woman working at Winchell's, and, a hearty laugh out of one guy buying beer. I hope he did not drink and drive, but, I suspect from his demeanor he was already blowing .08.
I found these trips to be in the final analysis...boring. Why? I was alone. And, I've been wearing women's clothing for so long it seems totally natural. I feel as if one morning I could grab a dress off the rack, and, another my guy jeans. I love being en femme around the house and backyard because I am actually doing work. I am not preening myself for hours, changing outfits, etc. I'm long past that activity.
The problem is trying to find a venue where wearing a dress would seem natural, but, also welcomed by whoever is around me. I do have hobbies that seem to be shared on this site...such as building plastic military models. Do I go to the Museum of Flight (Seattle) for the annual show en femme? No. Why would I? Being in a dress would not enhance the experience.
I would not mind attending a function or assemblage of cross-dressers where there is enjoyed commonality. After awhile wearing a dress is just wearing clothes. The end result of going out most nights when my wife was away was sore feet. Hint. Buy a pair of women's athletic shoes and carry the heels in a tote.
I just did it. It went like this... Wanting to go out. Wondering should I shouldn't I. Tired of wondering so I let "her" decide. Got dressed, just in case I wanted to go out. That made it more fun. It took longer to put together an outfit and do makeup. Then, ready to go out, I got in the car. Driving was fun. I drive differently en femme, not better or worse, just different. Parked the car, near a spot I knew to be accepting. Got out. Walked in. Had a nice time. It was thrilling and terrifying. Next challenge will be going out somewhere more random.
I was dressed in the presence of my landlord 3 years ago. I only dressed in the apartment. I was dressed once in the home of a CD friend 2 years ago. I dressed for a few weeks in the home of my GF, where I had a room just over a year ago. I only dressed in the house, but in several people's presence. I have never worn makeup as yet, nor a wig, but I hope to eventually.
So for me it just takes opportunity to be around accepting people. It turned out that my GF was not as accepting as she initially claimed.
T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"
Allow me to point this out, as I did it this way my first time out. I just wore the cloths and went out driving at night. As you continue to overcome the fear, put the wig, lipstick and ear rings on. If you get comfortable doing that, then stop at a drive thru. One does not need to do the 100 per cent dressed in a mall someplace, in order to be out and about. You will gain the same thrill as anyone else, but just takes a little longer.
Concerning meeting others.... I looked at profiles of cder's who lived near me. I started to contact them by PM and as we felt comfortable with one another we agreed to meet in drab, at an eating establishment. I have met many good friends that way and yes, the major topic for conversation is... cloths and dressing. Good luck !
I'm having a difficult time with it, because I'm afraid of running into someone I know. I think if I went with other girls, and really had it down it would be a lot easier. Maybe, just taking the first step is the hardest part. I seem to have the feelings as a lot of you here, but you made the first step and progressed from there.
The truth is, I'm nowhere near done with my look at this point, especially for casual wear where my makeup is fairly limited.
Given that I'll be living with the rest of my family till I marry or am eligible for a single's flat (age 35), returning home dressed and hiding the stash is fairly difficult.
Part of it is unnecessary worry that I may run into someone that might recognize me. Of course, I'm tempted to crossdress instead while travelling, in the relevant tourist garb.
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