my gf has a gay cousin, who is a nice guy.
hes very familiar with the gay community here in los angeles. im thinking of talking to him about places I can go for support and guidance for dressing. I know hes kool, but im worried he might go talk to my gf about it.
how would u, or would u even approach him?
Not knowing the guy it is hard for me to say whether or not you should tell him. Regardless of whether you tell him, if you plan on getting serious with your girlfriend, then you definitely need to tell her. There are many stories on this board about people getting married and not telling their spouses, only to have the spouse find out after marriage causing a lot greater problems than if they had disclosed before marriage. Plus if you tell him and she finds out without you telling her, the odds are she will not react well.
hi Ashley and welcome to the forum.
unless you're not worried about being outed, either accidentally or on purpose
i would suggest not talking to him about it. "nice" does not mean he would not out
you. his loyalty just might be to his cousin!
i was going to give you a number of reason why not to, but the fact you said
that you're worried about him telling your gf, i think, answers the question for you.
good luck with whatever you decide...
paula
I agree GF first then see if she minds you talking to her cousin
If you're not comfortable telling your girlfriend about your cross-dressing, then I recommend keeping your secret from anyone else. As already mentioned you may generate a little discord with your girlfriend by not telling her, and, I'd say to tell her cousin before her...well...she may be doubly irritated with you. I'm sure in a city as large a L.A. you can find cross-dressing "support and guidance." If you mean "support and guidance" in the sense of a support group, I don't necessarily believe a gay man would know where to go.
Talk to your girlfriend first
and if your really serious with this girlfriend, then you really NEED to talk to her anyway.
See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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I agree with the other ladies. Talk to your gf first. If this is a serious relationship she needs to find out from you and only you. She might have worse feelings if she finds out from her cousin. Talk to her and she could be very accepting about it. But if you can't talk to her about it, then keep your CD side in the closet.
Hi Ashley and welcome! You don't mention if your gf knows about your cross dressing. If she knows then I would talk to her about telling her cousin as she knows him better. While folks from the LGBT community tend to be more supportive/understanding it does not mean they all are as they are human and have their own prejudices. I have a friend who is gay and I thought she would be very supportive when I came out as TS but she was completely put off and said she just doesn't get that side of the community . . . so we don't talk much anymore.
If your intent is not to tell your gf, then I suggest you hold off talking to anyone close to her as once you tell that person, it is plausible they could out (intentionally or accidently) to your gf.
Cheers
Marcelle
Ashley, I'm not sure what a gay cousin would know about crossdressing. I'd keep my powder dry on this one.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
Echoing Marcelle and Jamie, dont think that the fact that we're the T in LGBT means that the LGB component gets us. While some of us are gay, the majority of Ts seem to be heterosexual. Ive thought of telling my new wife's gay son and his partner, but some off hand comments her son once made indicated both a total ignorance about our community, and also no apparent desire to understand us. Hes young enough to have no knowledge, save perhaps annecdotal, of the history and the struggles of the gay/lesbian rights movement -- so I expect he sees no parallels.
Bottom line, dont confide in him unless you tell your GF first.
Rhonda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be all the woman that you can be!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
. . . and now, On With The Show!
My past experience with an SO finding out and you not telling is not good. Mine was ok at first but it later turned into a tool for her to use against me. Believe me, very, very unpleasant.
Mykaa is me! Discovering Peace throughout from the Girl within.
David Bowie "Don't stay in a sad place Where they don't care how you are..."
Disturbed The Light "The truth is waiting there for you to find it
It's not a blight, but a remedy"
My standard rule is to tell only those who need to know. Your girlfriend needs to know if this is a serious relationship. Your girlfriend's cousin does not need to know and he may well tell your girlfriend if she doesn't already know.
The short answer is, don't tell him or mention anything about it.
Why, are you gay? Just wondering. In my experience gay folks usually don't think a whole lot of of CDers in general.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Do you want your gf to know? If not, I don't think you should tell the cousin. The most certain way to keep your secret is to not tell anyone. I agree with the others, though, who suggest that if you're serious about this gf, you SHOULD tell her.
Google will probably give you much better answers. Most gay men stay a healthy distance away from CD's, and I can't imagine why he would know where to go for help, or guidance.
Why would a gay person understand cross dressing ? Likely what they know of cross dressing is Drag, like any person.
Last edited by Jenniferathome; 04-04-2016 at 11:52 AM.
The number of people that know a secret in order for it to remain a secret? ONE.
Need to know basis. Only you can decide who needs to know. Once you tell, the rest of the world could find out tomorrow.
As far as telling the girlfriend, there are tons of threads about this. Despite the kind stories here about things all working out well, there are far more of us who have no one permanent in our lives, because of crossdressing. The vast majority of women don't consider it something they can tolerate in a boyfriend or husband. Most of us have faced this dilemma at some point, and we don't envy you having to decide on how to proceed. But in no case should you talk to her cousin about it first, unless you think he could help you talk to her about it, to reinforce the idea that YOU aren't gay. Maybe that would help. But it all depends on the individuals involved. Having been through this, I don't envy you at all.
Good luck. You're going to need it.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I would be inclined to come clean with my girlfriend first.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Welcome first off.
Just because he is gay doesn't mean anything.
I think you should talk with your GF first because its her opinion that matters not his.
the question prompts a question. Talk to the gay cousin from what point of your hobby. Are you looking to incite a "happening," are you curious about sex with a man, do you want your GF to invite the cousin to a party ? From my perspective there is no answer, until there are more specifics of what your motivation may be !
It was stated she was looking for support not a sexual encounter.
Like a few other poster's IF you must have to tell someone other than those here, your gf would have to know before anyone else that SHE knows is told. My personal experance is that the gay community is not very accepting in this.(they understand same sex not gender reversel) there are also people within the "crossdressing community" that also have some pretty narrow bias. Check out some posts. Good luck with your decision and welcome.
Gina
It's not a hobby for me, and I don't believe that's a good description for many people. Usually, that's a rationalization.
Sure, I'd talk to my girlfriend's gay cousin about being trans, but I'd talk to my girlfriend about it first. If it were me, I probably would have talked to her about it before she became my girlfriend. But now's the time to do it, and make no mistake, you need to tell her. Hiding doesn't work.
Originally Posted by MissDanielle
No, gay guys don't really get crossdressing.
If he is a good cousin I think he would tell her period for her best interest. So unless you want her to know don't tell him.
You're a Daisy if you do! -Doc Holliday
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