Hi everyone! I'm at a very confusing point in life, and I'm hoping to make the right decision over the next few months. I'd love to hear your thoughts. My apologies that it's a bit long-winded.

Here's some background:

I've been with my SO for a little over 10 years. She's very liberal and not religious at all. I'd say that she's very open-minded and non-judgmental of sexual orientation and lifestyle.

I just discovered CD'ing two weeks ago. I've thought about it for years - not that urgently - and decided to take the plunge on a full makeover. And wow, it was incredibly emotional for me. It was truly a life-changing event, and it's set me on a new journey.

I've always been an alternation of masculine and feminine. On the masculine side: I have to be aggressive in my job, I lift weights, I'm in a rifle club, and I go to metal concerts. On the feminine side: shaved my legs and chest for nearly 15 years. I get a pedicure with color twice a month, and we often go together. I'm pretty obsessive with grooming and I have more skin care than she does. I get my eyebrows shaped. I'll wear either short shorts or lycra tights (with no shorts over them) as normal clothing on a weekend. I'll walk around in flip flops with my polished toes visible. I wouldn't say that she finds this feminine behavior attractive, but she doesn't seem to mind. She likes the joint pedicures and sharing products. She's asked me a few times why I do it, and I've just answered that it makes me happy.

In terms of women's clothing, I have a strong attraction to nylons and panties, and I've worn them many times while we're intimate. Again, I don't think she likes it (and she won't wear them herself in the bedroom), but she's generally okay with me wearing them. I've dressed a few times on Halloween too - as both a nurse and a French maid.

So, I'm at a crossroads. I've just started CD'ing and I don't think that there's any going back for me. I'm contemplating whether or not to tell her. I'm not expecting her participation and I'm actually fine with a DADT scenario. But I'd rather not sneak around or worry about traces of makeup or stashing my femme clothing. I didn't tell her about these first few times because I really needed to see if it was actually for me. And.. it really is. Here's what I'm thinking:

Confidences:
1) She's progressive and I've never heard her say anything negative about TS or CD individuals.
2) I have quite a few feminine things in my wardrobe and grooming routine and she has seen me dressed in womens clothing several times before (although never with makeup). She didn't necessarily like it, but it didn't seem negative for her/
3) We have a strong relationship and we have a lot of separate hobbies. I don't need and won't demand her participation or enthusiasm. Just her acceptance and some space for me to pursue it.
4) She's never once shown any jealousy or mistrust in our relationship.
5) I feel that this can actually make our relationship stronger. It makes me more complete and more relaxed. And more in tune with her.

Fears:
1) I like being a man and I'm looking to incorporate some regular Eva time to explore that side of me. I have no desire to be a woman on a daily basis or change my gender (at least I don't THINK that I do). But so much communication in the media is about transitioning individuals that she may be afraid that this is the "beginning of the end"
2) There is a very strong sexual and narcissistic element to my experience. Even though I have not and would not cheat on her, I would understand her fears when I leave the house in a tiny miniskirt and go out to dance and show off like I'm the 25yo girl of my dreams LOL.
3) Her knowledge of Eva diminishes my masculinity and therefore my attractiveness in her eyes.
4) I don't think that she'll find me attractive when dressed en femme. I doubt that she would pretend to for my sake either.

Anyway, thanks for reading! I'd love to hear any feedback or advice that you'd like to offer.