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Thread: Now that it's out, i just ain't feeling it

  1. #1
    Member Lena's Avatar
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    Now that it's out, i just ain't feeling it

    So, my wife has known about this for several months and now that our kids are off to school, I've been wearing skirts and tops from time to time. I painted my toes and shaved legs etc.

    My wife hasn't really encouraged but hasn't discouraged either.

    But now, my issue. I don't know if I'm just moody, stressed at work or depressed but I just ain't feeling it now. Was it just the excitement of not getting caught? Was it just that I was enjoying my own secret?

    I don't know but right now, I'm in drab, unshaven face and body, laying back in the couch drinking a brew. Anyone else see this happen?

  2. #2
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    If you think you're depressed, please talk to someone about it.

    The only time I haven't felt the need to dress (not that I could whenever I wanted to) is when I felt disgust and shame at the behaviour of crossdressing. I have opened up to my SO and I don't feel that way anymore.

    It depends on the individual I think, whether or not this is just a fun hobby that you can put aside or if it's a desire that never abates, or somewhere in between. Either way, the desire to dress, like the desire to do most everything can come and go.

  3. #3
    Banned Spammer
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    If you don't feel like dressing don't.
    Nobody is making you.
    I'd say its pretty common to feel that way.

  4. #4
    Member Eva Bella's Avatar
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    I'm new to this, but I can imagine what you're feeling is pretty normal. It's a lot of work to get dressed and the whole experience takes a lot of energy. We call have our peaks and valleys, maybe you're just tired. I bet that the feeling returns once it's gets warmer outside.

  5. #5
    formerly: aBoyNamedSue IamWren's Avatar
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    Hey Lena. Well I wish I could somehow give some words of encouragement or somehow lift you out of your funk but I'm not sure what to say. Maybe we just go through cycles, ebb and flow. We're into it and sometimes not.

    I can remember one time I had a rare six-hour window where everyone would be gone from the house and I could have dressed and I just wasn't feeling it. I remember thinking, "ugh... do I really want to do this only to take so much time to deconstruct? Meh... I've got another beer in the fridge, maybe I'll do the lawn." It happens.

    But if it makes you feel any better I've just downed my second brew, have four days of scruff, am sitting on the couch and just reached into my drawers and scratched myself. Of course I just posted about my new bewbs I got so I guess I'm not exactly feelin like you are.

    Big hugs to you my dear friend. You'll get through your funk.

    Muah!
    S.
    I am not a woman nor am I a man... I am an enby. Hi, I am Wren.

  6. #6
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I had a lapse of nearly 4 months. Had no interest in dressing or anything to do with it.

    Of course, it passed!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    I had a two week stretch with job searching in which I didn't even wear any women's clothing...and I'm a woman to boot.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  8. #8
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    Lena,
    Some the experts here will tell you about brain chemistry I guess that's happened to you, the dare factor has gone so what now ?

    I never really have a gap, occasionally I know I have to take a break to please the family or do jobs too messy for dressing, all my family know but the dare factor comes from different directions , also it's an inner need I have to satisfy and that never goes away.

  9. #9
    Member Curiosity666's Avatar
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    Many people on these forums and others say that for them, crossdressing is a great way to relieve stress, and to make them fell better when they are down. I'm sort of the opposite. I'm out to an accepting and encouraging SO, and when I am tired or feeling down I have no desire to dress. I tend to feel more like dressing when I am in a good mood and I have been well rested.
    -Lucy

  10. #10
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    if there's a pink fog, perhaps there's also a blue one?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  11. #11
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    Not sure but I do know that being myself and being comfortable with that was the main thing for myself.
    Second star to the right and straight on till morning

  12. #12
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pamela7 View Post
    If there's a pink fog, perhaps there's also a blue one?
    Well, you are male, right? So just as it's OK to let go and experience the female allure, it's also OK to be male.
    I've learned from experience that the best cure for the malaise is to just get dressed up.
    If it doesn't pan out, go break something.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  13. #13
    Member Georgia Rose's Avatar
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    That happens. There is a certain allure in secrecy but it is also good to be out to your SO. I certainly have times when I can't be bothered and do exactly what you are doing. I get over it after a while. (I haven't been on this site for months but a few days ago I started to miss it, so back again).

  14. #14
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    When I'm overly stressed, I don't feel like dressing. I've been underdressing for 4 years now and that handles some of the urge. Still wear women's pjs and loungewear, but sometimes it's too much to put it all on. And then , WHAM! It's back , no warning and I'll dress 5 out of 7 days. It's how it goes for me.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  15. #15
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    I think many us crossdressers who are not transgender find that the feeling comes and goes and I've always found that an extended femme outing kind of fills my tank for awhile. Truth is, I sometimes chastise myself for being a crossdresser (you know,the old "oh, I wish I were just a normal guy"), but I miss it when it's gone. Relax, the feeling will be back

  16. #16
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    I think ebb and flow is a good analogy.

  17. #17
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    Lena - If you were attracted to crossdressing, there is probably more to your attraction than just the thrill of getting caught part of it. You obviously enjoyed dressing and perhaps miss it. If you really did not care about crossdressing any longer, why would you still be on this site posting a thread about your loss of desire. There could be a lot of reasons of you loss of desire and it could be temporary as suggested or long term. But you should not worry about your lack of interest in crossdressing as much as a need to make sure everyting else is OK in your life. You can certainly get by without dressing in skirt and top, but if there is a possibility that you have a medical problem, depression, stress, anxiety or other problem, take care of yourself. It is also good that you confided in your wife even if her lack of reaction is disappointing. Good luck and take care of you.

  18. #18
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I thought that when i finally got my own apartment , I would be dressing everyday. Nope. I think having to hide from house, or roommates, makes it so much more enticing. I also suffer depression, and biploar, and a few other things. I only get fully dressed three or four times a month now. And won't, for several weeks now, because of several reasons.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  19. #19
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    Alice,
    Don't make too many sacrifices to satisfy others, like me time is getting shorter make the most of it and enjoy what dressing can bring !

    Sadly your family doesn't bring you happiness but dressing does ! I grab at happiness if I can get it !

  20. #20
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lena View Post
    My wife hasn't really encouraged but hasn't discouraged either.
    ^this was initially what my wife exhibited as well. I think what we want is someone who openly embraces us and tells us they still love us just as much as before, and wants us to be happy so they encourage what we want to do. When we finally see that it's something they'd prefer to ignore (or worse), it can be a let down.

    Just hope it doesn't get any worse.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  21. #21
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    If I don't have something new to add at playtime I find it hard to get mod-evaded.
    So I always buy some new clothing, makeup, wig, etc. or just work on makeup and/or hairstyles.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    Perhaps you should you take the time to sit back and try to figure out what were the reasons which impelled you to start crossdressing in the first place. Is it a childhood fascination that you decided to try in adult life, or is it something that you have done since childhood continuously, or is it something that you began to do fairly recently when something just hit you between the eyes, or something else? That might give you some insight about why it doesn't satisfy you at the present time.

    Was crossdressing something that was your retreat inside your marriage, a place where you could go which belonged to you, and not your kids or your spouse? Perhaps the fact that it has been invaded by your wife's knowledge, without respect to her attitude, has made it seem less private, less personal, and less a part of your essence to you. The depression you are feeling may be due to a sense of loss
    Last edited by StarrOfDelite; 04-07-2016 at 05:06 PM.

  23. #23
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    There's no rule that says you have to dress every day. Actually, in some cases, there is. I just read a post where someone was thinking of taking a job as a crossdresser and my comment was that it would probably get old pretty quickly having to dress every day for work.

    I have had days where I didn't feel like dressing and I have had days where I had other things to do and didn't miss dressing. You do what you want to do and don't worry about it. Your membership here won't expire if you don't dress for a while.

  24. #24
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    L:

    Life is never constant and it certainly isn't linear. Think of it an an equation with MANY, MANY different variables. We are subject to being influenced by other people and events external to us in addition to what we are experiencing personally. It would stand to reason that dressing, like anything else, can be subject to the Rhythm of Life and whatever periodicity results.

    In other words, No Biggie...

    DeeAnn

  25. #25
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    Lena, you indicated two years ago you wore lingerie in front of your wife, and, she didn't express any serious emotion about cross-dressing. I think shaving body hair off would not go undetected by a spouse. My guess is your wife really not caring about your activities contributes to your lack of enthusiasm. You make it sound as if she is ignoring it, although obviously she must see it. My wife knows I am a cross-dresser and probably dresses when she is at work. For the last twenty years she has not said one word about it. It has been 100% DADT. Sometimes I wish she would scream at me because she is so silent about a significant part of who I am.

    I use to have the urge to dress more because I was under more stress than now. As a retiree I do not have work related stress. My wife is going to have an operation this month which will move up my summer hiatus by six weeks. I would love to tend to her needs during recovery attired in a summery dress, but, it is not going to happen.

    You may just be in a "funk" because there is no need to dress. I find it easy to slip back and forth between male and female mode. If there is no psychological need for me to be en femme, it just does not happen. I feel great in a pair of cut off jeans that are so thin in the rear my wife forbids me to wear them off the property. I don;t shave (my face) for days, and, end up looking like a bum. Barefooted, jeans, tee shirt and drink in hand is just as comforting as wearing one of my pretty dresses.

    Just ride it out and enjoy the male side.

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