Recently I told my wife that I crossdress. After 7.5 years of marriage.
I have browsed through this forum before. And I know that it is very hard to take the relationship forward. I knew that it could end in a divorce.
But on some level I just wanted this relationship to end. My thought was: "If she could accept my CDing then it is worth living but if she can't then let it end. It's a difficult one anyway."
It was a pretty difficult marriage with so much arguments and problems. I was losing my identity and peace.
If I had truly loved my wife and wanted to spend a life time with her, I could have hid this CDing fact. I am not THAT compelled to do it. There has been years where I did not think about CDing.
Slowly I have learned to accept it and start enjoying it. I am not in denial anymore.
After telling her this fact, she left within a few days. She has gone out of contact and is not ready to discuss logically what to do next. I am in the limbo right now. Can't even discuss about options for us.
I want some level of projection for the future but the uncertainty is killing me.
Now I feel that I shouldn't have told her that. I could have just had a personal life within myself and let this relationship move on. Or I could have brought in some other reason to end this relationship.
I never consulted anyone before taking this leap and I think I should've.
Life is cruel and unfair. I wish I was born plain straight. Or I wish I could have born a plain, simple, straight girl.
Guess God decided throw a spark of feminine on me just before I was born - just for fun.
Will I ever find a relationship again?
Will I be lonely for the rest of my life?
I am 32 now. I am going to live for at least 3-4 more decades.
Questions that keep me awake at night:
- Should I live alone and enjoy CDing?
- Should I find another relationship that accepts my CDing?
- Should I find another relationship and hide this fact?