Strange Little Thing

[Amanda M]

As some of you may know, I am a happily married crossdresser whose wife is very suopportive without being pushy, I have loved her and been with her for more than fifty years. And, for what it is worth, I shall love her until I am gone.

Recently - indeed over the last year or so I have severely repressed my need to crossdress. I use the word repressed advisedly. I am a psychotherapist with many years experience.

Now, I have had no reason to do this, except for minor religious guilt twinges which I have resolved., My wife , as ever, has assured me that she has no reallissues with the CD thing. Only with the way that I use it to bully or hurt myself. The phrase "Pysician - heal thyself." comes to mind.

Thoughts, please

[PattiMichaels]

Amanda,

I hope you'd agree that the human mind is the most potent weapon on the face of the Earth.

I'd posit that our physical brain is hard wired towards crossdressing; regardless of the social, religious, ethnic, and societal norms to which we are exposed to as we age and become enlightened.

As a layman, I'd offer that there's something about crossdressing that doesn't sit well with learned behaviors and societal norms.

Patti

[Allisa]

I don't understand how you use CDing to hurt yourself, unless you still feel guilt and/or shame about it. Maybe get out of your own head and go with the flow. But what do I know?, ask me how to build a house or the like and I can write volumes but the human psych is all Greek to me.(or is that Latin?)

[Tracii G]

As my neurologist explained it to me "get over it. It is what it is and not much you can do about it so why not accept it?"

[Jenniferathome]

Amanda, "minor twinges" and "repression" don't really go together so that can not be the reason. You clearly "need" to cross dress so what's really holding you back?

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amanda , It really sounds like you are your own worst enemy.

[Kandi Robbins]

We ALL deserve to be happy. How we attain that happiness obviously varies. If CDing make you happy and your wife is supportive, be happy! Regarding your religious guilt (being Catholic, I know all about guilt), I don't recall any Bible passages saying "thou shalt not wear thy dress". My personal greatest joy is my Sundays (en femme) attending church services. I kind of feel God smiling down on me as I sit in the pew smiling.

[AllieSF]

As I have been told, some therapists, or is that psychiatrists, are required to get periodic therapy to make sure that their career and everyone else's problems that they get involved in through that work do not get them down. Sounds like it may be time for your scheduled maintenance, right? Good luck whatever you decide to do.

[PattyT]

The general view of the crossdressers on this forum is that CD is an integral part of us, that never goes away. There is no use denying it. Only by coming to terms with it, accepting it, and engaging in CD as much as your sitruation allows can you be happy. This view is so common on this list that it just has to be a truism. Repressing a natural inclination, such a natural and strong part of one's personality makeup would seem really dangerous and harmful. You should stop the repression and "go with the force" so to speak.

[carhill2mn]

I am somewhat surprised that you have "severely repressed" your feelings about needing/wanting to crossdress. There have been many examples of how such repression has caused physical and emotional problems. Since your wife does not seem to be the one causing you to repress you feelings, it seems as if you need to give yourself permission to accept these feelings as being real and take appropriate action. Acceptance is a great healer.

[Confucius]

The way I understand myself is; my brain is hardwired for crossdressing. When I crossdress my brain releases a host of feel-good neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, etc). These neurotransmitters produce sensations of well-being, pleasure, comfort, reduces stress, provides sexual gratification and bonding. I cannot stop my brain from releasing these neurotransmitters. It is an automatic and involuntary response.

I also keep my crossdressing limited and under control. Why? While I cannot stop my brain from releasing neurotransmitters, I can keep my crossdressing under control. I can limit my crossdressing to levels I can find acceptable to myself and my wife.

I also feel guilty about crossdressing. Why? Because social convention says men should be happy being men. Because social convention says men are valued for characteristics like; strength, protecting the weaker members, leadership, heroism, and earning the respect of our peers. Women have a need to be held and loved by a man. Women want to love a man they can respect and honor, and who has the respect of his peers. I want to be that man. I don't want to disappoint those I love. I resolve to be the best man I can possibly be, and I will love, protect and respect my wife and family. I also need to admit that I a complicated person, and I have an eccentric side that challenges social convention. It means I need people to be flexible and open-minded to understand me. I also believe that God knows me, loves me, and God takes credit for making me this way.

[Teresa]

Amanda,
You would be the last person I'd expect to post a thread like this, you must have your own thoughts why CDing gives you this problem, it would be very interesting to read them as you are the qualified one among us.

I was going to say the same as Patti, what's fixed in our brains, isn't affected by outside agencies hence the conflict, hopefully our Cding life can be in harmony with the rest of our life, sadly it doesn't happen for many of us, so we resort to this forum along with other help agencies.

[Robin414]

As my neurologist explained it to me "get over it. It is what it is and not much you can do about it so why not accept it?"

Thank you Tracii, another tidbit that 'stuck' for me!

Yay, free therapy 😃

[Krisi]

If a psychotherapist can't understand why she crossdresses, how do the rest of us expect to get "cured" by going to one?

Any "need" we have to dress up as women is in our minds. It's not a physical need like breathing or having a bowel movement. We are not born to be crossdressers, in the womb we have no idea of clothing or sex.

Amanda, My thought is that if your dressing isn't hurting anyone, don't repress it. If it is hurting someone, stop doing it.

[Tina_gm]

I have always wanted to be on the other side of counseling and to counsel a counselor. (you people need help) xxxooo just kidding.

I work with the developmentally disabled. Work in that field long enough, and you will see all kinds of behaviors that do not compute. For example, for those with severe communication ability, non verbal, often times when they have a headache, they will hit themselves in the head. Now that doesn't make sense, why would you hit yourself where it hurts? A, to get attention, and B where the problem is. In this field we learn that any behavior has a reason to it, no matter how unusual, or counterproductive it may be. They themselves may not really know the exact reason either, but there is one.

So, you are repressing CDing even though there is not a "reason" and the one you thought you had has been resolved. Perhaps not truly resolved?? On the surface you have said and done and appropriately rectified the guilt from the religious aspect. What makes sense anyway, but something may still be lingering beneath the skin. Perhaps in that effort, while seing the religious aspects in their entirety, and that it is not so much the religion itself but of those who have faith and how they feel, you then started to see the CDing as something that really has no logical bearing. "why am I doing something which technically brings me no benefit? Those who are religious don't have a real reason to spend so much time worrying about those who do not live life the same way they do, but they do. It's actually counterproductive to their cause.

Other than that, something deep inside could be changing. Usually, CDing progresses. Although every once in a while, we have had members who go the opposite way. So perhaps somewhere deep inside, there is a progression you are not dealing with, or there is the opposite, which makes no sense as you do not have a reason to be going the other way. Everything is ok with the wife. Something somewhere may be calling you more to the male side?? And obviously, the possible progression deep inside may be what is causing you to repress. Things are fine as they were.... Don't want to make changes, but perhaps you are feeling more than you used to, and it may be causing you to repress as a means to keep that change at bay. And since I am not a therapist and did not stay at a holiday inn last night, I am probably missing the boat altogether. But those are a couple of my thoughts anyway.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I love it. This is like a weather forecaster asking the forum for our opinions on next week's weather.

You give away so little Amanda that it's very hard even to understand what exactly you're asking.

You use the expression 'severely repressed' rather than just repressed. What exactly do you mean by severely?

You say that you bully and hurt yourself because of your CDing, yet you claim to have worked through your religious guilt issues. I'm guessing that you haven't worked through the guilt at all, or more precisely you haven't worked through the feelings which long ago caused the guilt to arise. Religion may have little to do with it, which is why you describe the 'religious guilt twinges' as minor.

We ALL deserve to be happy.

Why? That's like saying 'we all deserve to be handsome and rich'. 'Deserve' doesn't come into it. We're born, we make the most of it; we die. We deserve nothing, except obvious things like sunburn if we stay out in the sun too long. What is true to say is that we all wish we were happy. The reality is that sometimes we are and sometimes we're not.

[ReineD]

Amanda, you're familiar with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? You might consider behaving your way out of this funk?

Maybe make appointments with yourself to dress on a regular basis, say once or twice per week, and then do things you enjoy. You can limit the time to just a few hours if you don't feel like doing it. While you're dressed, look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself positive messages. Or come up with a more appropriate behavioral activation if my suggestion doesn't suit?

[ClosetED]

DSM no longer put crossdressing as a mental disorder but an ascertainment. If dressing did cause you to not function in your daily living, then it would be an issue, but may be more of your response to it and your environment rather than crossdressing itself. "Religious guilt twinges"? Most religions do not mention crossdressing in the words of the original texts, but human interpreters have felt free to impart their biases. And you at least have resolved these. So get back to doing what makes you happy, hurts no other person physically, and your wife accepts.
Hugs, Ellen

[ChrisP]

Don't drink alcohol for a week.
Spend 30 minutes each day in quiet reflection by yourself, no distractions.

The answer will come to you.

Chris

[Beverley Sims]

I am a psychotherapist with many years experience.

That probably is part of the problem....

Are you suffering from over thinking?

Stop slapping your own wrists for a start.