Going out from home and kids knowing

[pernille d]

What to do ???
Last year i lost my wife of many years to illness , she was aware of my dressing but did not accept it, i have 2x 20 year old kids ( there Always kids in parents eyes :-). ) that still live at home and do not know about my dressing and there is nearly Always one of there girlfriends over to stay .

My problem is my kids are Away for 3 months so i have for the first time in my life i have the space and freedom to be myself ,so i have started going out as and i enjoy it. Soon my kids Will return so what do i do as this means i cant get ready to go out without Them knowing . + not only Them but there girlfriends see me too if there staying over

A dit of a delema ,,,do I tell Them and hope they understand or do i stop going out ??? ( i Think if i tell my kids maybe the girlfriends is not a problem as if my kids Always tell so i am sure they Will tell ..

Has any one out there had a similar problem , ??? , or has anyone any advice

[Lorileah]

Personally I would tell them, then you won't have to stress about it. They're 20+ years old, they're adults. You have a life (or need to make one...trust me I have been widowed 7 years now).

Condolences on the loss of your wife

[heatherdress]

I don't know any details about your children, but since they are 20-plus adults, they should be leaving the nest soon and letting you finally enjoy some privacy. If they are close to leaving, or should be living on their own, maybe you can avoid telling them that you are a crossdresser, which might be uncomfortable, and instead, help them get their own homes. I am also sorry about the loss of your wife.

You need your children but you also deserve to live your life the way you want to live it.

[Eryn]

I had the same problem with my daughters. We did a lot of sneaking in the back door so they wouldn't see me. This led to unanswered nagging questions on their part. Why were Mom and Dad suddenly sneaking around like this? After they left for college we finally sat them down and had a talk with them. It took them a little time to get used to the idea, but they accept it and we went on with life. Now my female self is a normal part of their lives. Their boyfriends have never seen me in male mode!

[Pat]

You know your kids best, so you have to make the call. From what you write, I'd say sit them down and have The Talk. Kids in their 20's today seem amazingly accepting, though things can be weird when it's your Dad. It's your life and although we all accommodate our kids, James Thurber said you might as well fall on your face as lean over too far backward.

[Kim_Bitzflick]

As Jennie said, you know your kids best.... BUT remember, they just lost their mother. If you come out to them so soon they may feel like they've lost their father as well.

[OCCarly]

I would say come out to your kids, unless they are hard core evangelical Christians. The vast majority of millennials are pretty tolerant about most things, including gender variance. I have a feeling that if you tell them that you intend to go out dressed, their greatest worry is that you not place yourself in physical danger by doing so.

After all, they did lose their mother a year ago. But I think honesty is better than sneaking around.

[CynthiaD]

I have two twenty-something's at home. I dress in front if them and all of their friends. It's no big deal. Go ahead and tell them. Or just show up in a dress and let them figure it out for themselves. -- That's what I did. I didn't feel like I owed them any explanations.

[Sometimes Steffi]

If your kids are over 20 and living in your house, it's your way or the highway. They're old enough to move out if it really bothers them.

[beam47]

Hi Pernille, I'm in a similar situation My wife died august last year and my daughter and grand daughter moved in with me ,I have 2 kids I did tell them both and when my grand daughter is at the inlaws I dress , while my daughter is home neither of them had a problem with it , ok, they are older then your kids but I believe yours are old enough to tell them , just see how they react if you drop a story that you saw a xdresser , from that you should be able how they will react, good luck and I'm sorry for your loss

[nvlady]

Can you afford to get a room at a Motel 6? Go there, change, go out, back to room and change back.

[Diversity]

Were it me, I'd tell them, since they are what I'd consider to be 'old enough'. Then you may be able to finally enjoy your life as you wish.
Good luck to you all.
Di

[heatherdress]

I think what makes this more difficult for Pernille is the fact that her grown children not only live there, they also have girlfriends who stay over. It is not simply telling her sons and expecting acceptance, she also has their girlfriends and other guests in her house. It is more difficult for her children to simply accept her if they feel embarrassment to some degree that their father wears dresses and high heels. Honestly, that is quite a bit more than simply confiding in your grown children that you crossdress. They will see her dressed in front of their friends. I don't think it is as simple as some replies seem to make it. If Pernille is not out to her friends and neighbors, she will be. That may be best, but it probably won't be easy and it may be more difficult for her sons to accept following their mom's passing.

[pernille d]

Thanks Kim . You spotted the Other side of things i did not mention .. There ok but it stil leaves a big mark and a big hole so i also Think if it could be another bumpy bit on the roadside there traveling :-)

[Vale]

My two cents: if you tell them, make sure they understand that they are not losing a father. Most importantly, remember to be a father. Do this with actions as well as words.

It's all about love,
Val

[SheriM]

My 2 cennts: If it aint broke, don't fix it.

[Rachelakld]

3 yougest (13, 17 & 18) have seen me dressed & even help me in the shops and with make up tips.
Miss 22 has seen me in tights (leggings) and girls tops, even commented on me wearing girls clothes but she is relaxed about it. She has a relationship with her bio-dad who would love to spread stories to his ex wife (now my wife) family, so she is not meant to know about this side of me, even though she kind of does.

Girls are more tollerant than boys, so telling girls is not normally an issue.

BTW I'm also a very active father figure in their lives