Boundaries

[amy1989]

For as long as I've been CD'ing it's been a secret. Only two people knew about it and it took alot for me to tell them. Recently I've found the boundaries I set for my self being pushed fast. In the past week I've gone out into the front garden wearing breast forms at night and in a bra with no forms during the day. I've also shaved my legs for the first time.

I love everything I've done and it's all been my choice and my idea. I have no idea how I'm feeling about it all and although I have a fantastic roommate I can talk too sometimes it's better to say things to people who could relate better.

Sorry for how vague this post is i just wanted to say my feelings to someone.

[Tina_gm]

Why do you set up boundaries for yourself? The "boundaries" I encounter with my feminine expression are so for the comfort or consequences from others, not myself. Life is what it is though, and as adults, pretty much all adults find life is basically based on compromise. I want this, so I have to give up that, so to speak. The more money you want or make, typically the harder you have to work to get it. Generally, the better you are as a spouse or parent, the more time you spend unselfishly for your spouse or kids.

I personally never say about my own dressing or feminine expression "I can't" I choose to limit it based on the life I have. My life has compromises for the dressing and feminine expression, and compromises for the feminine expression based on the other aspects of my life. When I was younger, probably your age, I was in deep denial about my femininity and my desires to look and act more like a woman. So, I set my life up based on only male aspects. If I had to do it all over again, I would likely do some things differently. My wife did not know about my being a CDer, or should I say wanted to be a CDer, as I was not really actively dressing when we got together. My friends, family and co-workers too were not in the loop of my desires. I could choose to make changes in my life, and express my femininity more, but they would have consequences. I doubt I would lose it all, but it would considerably alter my life as it is, and I do not want my life altered. So, I make the compromises to keep my life as it is. Had I been younger, knowing what I know now, I would have directed my life so that I would not have to make the compromises or as many as I do now. Work in a different location perhaps.... my wife would know from the beginning.... friends and family would know from early on.... that was 30 years ago though I embarked on adulthood and set out as your basic standard male....

[amy1989]

The boundaries I set for myself are things that would allow me to be cmbertable with my self, like shaving my legs while letting me slip back into a male role like not removing arm hair. I know I'm not ready to fully admit who I am even to myself.

[Tina_gm]

Ok, and that is totally understandable. Don't push yourself farther than you are ready for. We are all at our own place in this. Some will get to where they are totally comfortable eventually, and for some, that never gets real far. Others will eventually end up living as women and perhaps transitioning and actually physically becoming on as well. The most important thing for you right now is to live as you are most comfortable. Just don't hate yourself or fear yourself. You will figure out where that place for you is in time.

[amy1989]

Thanks. It does help to know I can come here when things get a bit overwhelming or just to talk about random Cd things.

[Jenny22]

Hi, Amy and welcome to this great forum. Your boundaries will be expanded now that you've stepped into the pink fog. Enjoy the changes you'll be wanting to do.

[Pat]

The key really is to be forgiving of yourself, both when you step past a boundary you had set and when you choose not to go past one. There's no right and wrong here; there are no obligations -- do what makes you happy and set your own pace. Do be mindful of "the pink fog" -- when it rolls in it can make you take risks you normally wouldn't. That can be good or bad.

[Billiejosehine]

Hi Amy,
I know where your coming from...I'm36yrd old and for most of my life I had dealt with shame, guilt, fear, and denial. And up until like 2yrs ago, I kept who I was a secret from the world around me. Because of my shame and guilt, I set boundaries... I'll only do this...to give myself permission; a way to tell myself it's OK. Because I was not comfortable with myself. Setting boundaries was also a way to the behavior; the aspecet of myself screaming and begging for immediate gratification/immediate relief from the feeling I was not ready to accept. I was trying to be my own best friend, protector, and parent, because things were such a secret from everyone. But trying to control my feeling was a loosing battle. And as my feelings grew; as I beame more comfortable and accepting of who I was. My boundaries got pushed further and further...my ability to keep the secret from the world got that much harder to do. And the denial of tuth was no longer feasible.

[Beverley Sims]

You have started with boundaries, practice what you have learned and expand on your experiences.

[Mykaa]

Amy to me this is all about what makes us happy and being comfortable with ourselves, I went a long time running from myself, hiding this, carrying guilt and shame. I overcompensated with long days of working, hobbies to the extreme, Ive missed a lot of living life because of these things. I joined here and accepted this "girl" in me and Ive never been so happy. I know another thing I feel is if I can help someone I should. I told a personal friend recently, after this, I will never be the same and its all been going forward from a day of getting fired. (best thing to happen to me!)
So to quote a friend from here, "slow down" (Krististeph, lol) take it in, enjoy the moments and be yourself.

[CarlaWestin]

Boundaries are just mile markers of the journey you are on. It's a great book. Enjoy the chapters.