Very sad day. My wife came home and found a skirt that I had left out. Was planning to iron it and forgot about it. It did not go well. She is not a tolerant person.
Very sad day. My wife came home and found a skirt that I had left out. Was planning to iron it and forgot about it. It did not go well. She is not a tolerant person.
Ouch, sorry to hear that Sheri! Hopefully your SO comes around, it might be a good thing in the long term.
This happened Fri afternoon. She said I make her sick. In years past, she was much more tolerant, even surprising me with a girdle many years ago. Granted, it was a non descript llpg but it showed some acceptance. She accepted underwear from the waist down, panties, girdle, nylon stockings and or pantyhose. I try very hard to be a good husband and father but lately Ive been walking on egg shells. She has some other issues going on unrelated to me.
Hmmm, I don't know all of the details but based on that I'd agree. Best to tread lightly for sure. My SO and I have gone through some rough patches and at one point she thought I was having an affair and when found out it was just me needing to deal with the pink fog she was actually ecstatic...we've been together 30 yrs and in that time come to realize there are a LOT worse things in life, a LOT worse...this ain't no big thing! 😉
Hi Sheri, I can empathize from where you come as I have been there myself. this thing we have, "the pink fog, crossdressing and anything in between" is a tough issue for us and for the ones "on the outside". It's easy to say just be cool and "chill" for the time being but that's what has to be done right now. From what I read of your problem it appears that the wife has other issues here. Maybe, and I just say maybe when she calms down the both of you can discuss this. GOOD LUCK!!!!
Molly
"To thine own self be true"
Sheri, people who love someone never use these words. Never. Expression of shock and fear are natural but not this. There is more going on, not only with her but your relationship in general. Please offer to see a therapist together.Originally Posted by SheriM
If other things are going on with her this may have been the trigger.
The walking on egg shells thing makes me think you have some shame of dressing.
This is just me but I would get it out in the open and ask her what the hell is going on with you? Make her explain herself.
This marriage isn't just about her you know.
I really don't know why you guys let your wives walk all over you.
Sheri,
Been there and done that, and had some harsh comments, just be patient the dust will settle.
All these comments hurt but it still can't change what drives your CDing, you have to find ways to believe in yourself so any shame and guilt eventually goes. We are wired differently and nothing will change that, you have to show you are still a husband .
I never thought i would ever make it out the door and attend social evenings but it can and does happen, but it's hasn't been easy and still isn't on occasions .
Kind of feels like a similar situation to mine but I told my wife that I CD and things fell apart.
If she is not a tolerant person then don't tolerate her. Life will get better once you find your own identity. Being in a relationship that is even a bit toxic erodes who YOU are as a person.
Now I feel like CDing is the best thing that happened to me because this is the biggest trump card to kick my wife out of my life.
Else it would have been very difficult to drive her away. She is a parasitic, exploitative person who has been leeching on me for quite a few years.
sheri,
the makes me sick comment is something that i suppose that you have to translate from the context of your relationship, but i agree its not something i would want to hear my wife use to describe myself.....sounds like you have some mental hopscotch going on, surprising you with items to that type of comment. i know sometimes in the heat of an argument things get exchanged to punctuate meanings and get dicey. you say you "try to be a good father and husband", has something happened to dispute that, have you had a problem, why ? are their eggshells....hard to offer help when their are gaps of information.
kind of a general statement traci, when most here overcome and have a reveal we are advised to talk, take it slow, establish boundaries, keep the lines of communication open......myself i have been very fortunate in what ive accomplished these few years, but one thing that would break the rules would be something like leaving out a skirt, if she got upset would she be walking all over me ? she doesnt want to see "it".....and that would be part of "it"I really don't know why you guys let your wives walk all over you.
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!crossdressing...theirs an app for that
Thanks for the support and advise. We have a good marriage, very close family. She has other things causing stress, issues not related to me. However, talking things over has never been a strong suit. I would love to get this all out in the open, but I'm afraid talking would make things worse.
Mikell my comment might be general but its a common thread in closet dressers and those in DADT relationships where the man has to hide what he does.
Would it not be better to get your wants and needs made apparent?
She will vocalize her wants and needs with no hesitation but men seem they don't have the same rights.
When I came out to my ex wife she said why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you voice your needs I would have preferred you did that.
I didn't tell her about being TG because I thought I was weird and it would pass plus I didn't know all that much about it back then either.
We get along great now and she asks about my girl side frequently.
Everyone is different and have different situations I understand that.
Last edited by Tracii G; 04-25-2016 at 02:36 PM.
Sheri since you admit the talking is a weak point it may be time for some professional help as suggested, thats theyre strong point.....at this point would it make anything that much worse, at the very least a local support meeting perhaps....i go to one myself but i go to one that is not close as to put my wife at ease about running into folks that she may know.
traci when closted and started out DADT.....which i despised but accepted thanking everyday she was still at my side when falling asleep each night, i imagined quite a different ending....i hope by now you know i always go against the one size fits all think, i also shared the "weird and it would pass" test and was uneducated about myself also.
our wives and girlfriends will also have varied attitudes about the phenomena when shared.
perhaps she gets along great about it because its no longer her reality ?? but its nice to hear that you still get along either way.
....Mykell
i dressed like a girl and i liked it!
So what happened for her to change her mind.
You don't describe your situation in detail but I can tell you that it is not uncommon for GGs to be accepting until they determine that the Cding isn't what they thought it was. For example, a wife may think it is just a harmless preference for clothes, but then discover that it is sexual for her husband. Or, she can believe that he can take it or leave it (something like a hobby), but discovers that wearing women's clothes is a much bigger priority that occupies most of his thoughts and that indicates his life is not in balance. Or, a wife can be OK with it until the husband pushes it further and starts to wear women's clothes in front of others in male mode, which has the potential to cause gossip and impact their social life. Or, the wife can discover that the husband has done things behind her back or has not been forthright with the extent of his CDing and the dishonesty of it all causes her to question her husband's priorities. I can't list all the different ways that can turn a wife off and I don't know how well the two of you communicate to determine fundamental issues over more superficial ones like just finding a skirt.
So if you don't know what happened to cause your wife to no longer be supportive, I suggest you find out?
Reine
For some reason I take strong exception to that. Men have all the rights they need -- they just don't exercise them. Men are totally free to express their wants and needs -- they may have been taught to not express their desires; they may have been taught to "take it like a man" when they're unhappy -- but they have the right to vocalize. And perhaps they have a responsibility to vocalize if they want to improve a situation they find unsatisfactory. Unexpressed needs land you in front of the marriage counsellor (or judge) faster than anything else.
I think I could better understand her saying that, if this was the first she knew about your dressing. But, you mention that she knew from before. So, my thoughts are that there is something else she's trying to deal with, and your dressing has just become the scapegoat for whatever it is.
"Taking the time to be in touch with my feminine side"
When my wife caught me packing a couple of bras in my suitcase, she left for the rest of the day. When she came home, she told me to find a therapist and "get fixed".
I did see a therapist (actually several) and got fixed, but not in the way she intended. I came to accept myself as I am, and found a large group of friends with a similar "hobby". Now, I think she needs to get fixed, by that I mean she needs to develop some level of acceptance.
Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 04-27-2016 at 09:48 PM.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Great point Tracii! I know YMMV but let's face it, if you're in the closet, serve your 'role', and you're not cheating in any way what the hell is the problem? I like flying model air planes on weekends, so they happen to be pink, is that a problem 😡 My SO has absolutely NO interest in model airplanes, thinks they're 'silly' (read: DADT) but if they keep me sane and serving 'the role', he'll yah, fly model airplanes all you want hon 😀
I know, easy to say, I get it, but it's true!
Last edited by Robin414; 04-25-2016 at 11:10 PM.
U may be married, but u don't have a healthy or equal relationship. See an experienced, qualified therapist with or without your SO. ASAP! To find out why u 2 r having problems!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Only have known you for about 4 months, I am glad you have been able to enjoy yourself.
Taking you at your word, you have a good marriage. Some work best by discussing and some work best by waiting for a low stress time. There was an old idea that all aspects of a partner could be described as 1-good and not changing, 2- varies according to mood and circumstances, and 3- not good and not changing. The point was 1 and 3 do not change and if living in a relationship with that person, it is unrealistic to expect them to change. It sounds like you are in stage 2. These areas are described as totally 100%. So in low stress times, 1 would be 40%, 2 would be 10% and 3 would be 50%, but is high stress times, 1 would be 30%, 2 would be 1% and 3 would be the remainder. So under low stress, skirt is in the middle, not good or bad, but ok.However under high stress, shirt is not good.
Choices are to try to discuss at a time when stress would allow for slight flexibility, or wait for lower stress when more understanding is possible.
Points: a) don't have to discuss now even though many on this forum would see that as the solution, and b) partner's thoughts/feelings about CD are not fixed but change and need to roll with the changes.
Best wishes
I purged yesterday. Threw out a lot of clothes, some that needed to go, others that I would have liked to keep.
Did something else happen to lead to the dreaded purge?
Traci,
It's because it would be just as wrong to impose the opposite view, a take it or leave approach. Marriage has to be a 2 way street agreed. However negotiations take time as does people getting used to a whole new dynamic within the marriage. Not everyone values their CD'ing above all that they've invested into a long term relationship.
"This marriage isn't just about YOU you know."
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
Getting rid of a part of your wardrobe that does not represent your current size or taste/preference is one thing. It is another to purge thinking this will placate your wife. I've been in a DADT for three decades. My wife does not want to discuss the issue. It is really DADT. There are no comments. There are no barbs thrown my way. What has happened is my wardrobe has expanded. Sure, I would really like it to be more out in the open, but, that is not going to happen. So, what will happen if she stumbles upon my vast wardrobe. I mean vast, as in over eighteen Zerox boxes of stuff. I totally accept myself. To purge at her request or demand is nothing short of purging an integral part of myself. I respect her desire to have no part of Stephanie, but, that will not translate into discarding that important part of myself.
Sheri, I think you may need to force the issue. The clothes may end up at Goodwill, but, she'll always remember and how she sees you will never really be the same.
Last edited by Stephanie47; 04-27-2016 at 12:28 PM. Reason: syntax
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