How come you are not transsexual?

[UNDERDRESSER]

As usual, Reine asks the important question. What do you mean by "trans"?

For myself, I take the term transgender to be someone who takes on, or has, some aspect of what is typically considered to be the gender opposite their birth one. Transsexual, is someone who feels they were born in the wrong gender, and such individuals may consider or need to transition to the appropriate gender. I know this is a gross over simplification, but this my particular slant on it, and is put forth for the purposes of my answer.

I accept that what I do (wearing skirts and hosiery as a man)is crossdressing, but I don't feel it is such in my own mind. I also accept that by most psychological definitions, I am trans gender, because I am using physical display and gender display of the opposite gender, and thus I appear somewhat feminine. My issue with that, is that the current accepted definitions of feminine and masculine are too rigid and will benefit from some loosening up.

[Georgette_USA]

The biggest difference, in my opinion, between a crossdresser and a transsexual (we really are trying to get away from that term)

As someone who left the Trans world behind in 1983 and came back in 2015, I am still coming to terms with all the new labels and definitions. And I am not trying to be contrary.

I kind of agree with the idea of not using TS anymore. But for discussion purposes how do we differentiate all the sub categories under TG. If we use TG for CDs or TSs, this gets confusing. Or only use TG now for ones that would have been TS, as some say it has become. I have friends who do not like being called TG, but CD or BI-Gender.

I came from an era that only had TS, as TG had not come under general use. Back then TS was not even in DSM II 1968-1974. Benjamin popularized the term in his 1966 book, The Transsexual Phenomenon. TS was introduced in DSM III in 1980. I have been doing this for over 40 years and I am old and feel I can still use TS if I want to identify as such. I will tend to use TG/CD or TG/TS to differentiate.

[BillieAnneJean]

I am certain that I am a man in a male body. But I believe that the male population has very few 100% men as does the female population have very few that are 100% female. Everyone but a few has some percentage of the other gender in them. And thankfully that is so. Otherwise we would all be either men totally incapable of understanding anything traditionally feminine, or women totally incapable of understanding anything traditionally masculine.
And I am sure that I will never ever transition. I know this because I am happy to have a day OUT enfemme and happier as a guy because of it.

I am in awe and respect the trans people. To me they are like the explorer's, going where no one has gone before.

[ReineD]

I kind of agree with the idea of not using TS anymore. But for discussion purposes how do we differentiate all the sub categories under TG. If we use TG for CDs or TSs, this gets confusing. Or only use TG now for ones that would have been TS, as some say it has become. I have friends who do not like being called TG, but CD or BI-Gender.

Yes, it is complicated. lol.

No one is willing to come up with new single-words, and obviously using the term "trans" or "transgender" doesn't describe anything, and so using a few words instead of one makes things clear. For example (and this is only to people whom members want to give details):

• I identify as a man but I present as a woman occasionally.
• I identify as a woman but was born male. I hope to be able to transition in the future.
• I am a woman, fully transitioned, although I was born a man.
• My gender is fluid. I present as a male at work and as a female socially.
• I identify as a man but I was born female. I am in the process of transitioning.
• I have no gender. I'm a happy mix of all.

... or any other situation.

<edit> - One more, forgot to mention above:

• I identify between male and female. This never changes, although my presentation fluctuates.

[CarolynO]

I'm partially trans meaning I'm halfway in the ts zone.50% gender dysphoria.I only realized this in my late 20's.My fantasies morphed from looking like women to being them in a man/woman relationship,being submissive in that role.

Seeing them on youtube makes me green with envy, especially the ones who completed transition,srs before age 18.For me the idea of transition,ffs,grs is a nonstarter even if i passed the screening process.I'm not that young anymore,it would wipe out all my savings and the stress of all that would probably destroy my health.It'be a different story if i was 16,with stronger GD and had the resources.

[JaytoJillian]

If I knew then what I know now my life would be radically different than it is today. By choice, I will live out my days making others happy and conforming to how they have defined me.

[LelaK]

I want to be a woman with some masculine personality traits and some feminine. I want to look entirely female, except maybe for genitalia, and I mean I want to be an attractive woman.

If science and economics make that feasible in my lifetime, I'm open to it, but I expect that I won't transition till after death. I don't like to irritate or disgust anyone, such as my family, who know me as "male", so I'll probably not transition till after death.

In spirit it may be possible for everyone to see each other as they would like to see each other, including themselves. So my family could see me the way they're used to seeing me, even when I see myself differently. Thus would be solved the problem of upsetting anyone maybe.

[NikkiHunter]

I think I identify with Lelak the most with a twist. I'm probably an agnostic TS. Or as I like to say, I'm 100% sure I don't know what I am yet.

[Virginia1983]

I've always wanted to be a woman. Always. Instead I live my life as a feminine gay man. And I dress often - especially for my live in man. My family always knew and accepted me, my crossdressing and boyfriends. And when I was younger I spent too much time in the clubs. And most of the serious relationships I've had have been with men who are attracted to me when dressed as Virginia. It's simply not possible to ever give that up. But for me it was simply unimaginably hard to transition or to live full time as a woman. It's just a compromise I've made but I've never really regretted how I live my life.

[flatlander_48]

V:

I think you've wandered into the right place! Glad you could join us.

DeeAnn

[Virginia1983]

V:

I think you've wandered into the right place! Glad you could join us.

DeeAnn

Thanks DeeAnn for the welcome! Love your picture!

Virginia

[flatlander_48]

Thanks so much!

One thing to pass along is this thought: Remember, we are ALL struggling with Something. We have people who dress, but who seriously wonder if that is a gateway to doing other things. We have people who are trying to figure out what their gender identity is. We have people who are uncomfortable in their current gender role and they are contemplating next steps. We have people who are currently transitioning or have done so already. We have people who, regardless of their position on the spectrum, worry about possible consequences for their families, homes and employment. We all worry about this slew of Bathroom Bills that seem to be the rage. On November 20, we will all be saddened by the names that are spoken during the TDOR and wonder what is it about us that seems to threaten so many and move them to violence.

But, in spite of the issues we have and that we face, we are all driven by the necessity to be ourselves.

By the way, your name has special significance to me. It was my mother's name and is now my granddaughter's.

DeeAnn

[heatherdress]

Thank you, DeeAnn. Some very meaningful thoughts.

[Lexi_83]

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.

I love that you smile! Why do so many of us else look so serious?

[Martha G]

I am a guy who likes to dress as a woman. I also enjoy my feminine side.

But if I were to go 24/7 I would dress only.

Dressing relieves stress and makes me look and feel younger.

But I still like being a guy.

[suchacutie]

My masculine and feminine selves are incredibly different in so many ways. My wife and I has talked about this for days at a time, and she commented that she sees me as 2 apps running on the same database.

So, when I present as Tina, I really am her personality. She really has her own life. But the same thing is true when I'm a guy. Both lives are important to me, essential really.

Transgendered? Sure. Able to abandon my make self? Not a chance. The same is true for Tina.

[JessieA]

My masculine and feminine selves are incredibly different in so many ways. My wife and I has talked about this for days at a time, and she commented that she sees me as 2 apps running on the same database.

So, when I present as Tina, I really am her personality. She really has her own life. But the same thing is true when I'm a guy. Both lives are important to me, essential really.

Transgendered? Sure. Able to abandon my make self? Not a chance. The same is true for Tina.

I think suchacutie has summed me up better then I could have done myself. I think it's hard to define someone in a single word though society try's constantly to do that.

[Krisi]

How come you are not transsexual?

That seems like a very odd question. Like "How come you are not black?" or "How come you are not Asian?"

We are what we are. There's no reason and no explanation (except for the medical and biological explanation). What's the opposite of transsexual? 99.9% of the population is not transsexual. They are what they are and don't give it a second thought.

I was born a male and accept being a male. Sure, I like to play a woman from time to time by dressing as one and strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig but there's no confusion in my mind that I am a female or anything other than male. That's reality.

It might be easier for someone to explain why they feel they are a transsexual than for someone to explain why they are not a transsexual.

[Bruce64]

I did a survey a few days ago, it asks How Feminine are you and I got a 95 % rating , on the other hand my wife did the same survey and she got 50 %. I love being a Man, I dont want to be a Woman.

[ReineD]

If you did this online, Bruce, just know their algorithms are less than perfect and their questions are usually informed by stereotypical behaviors. I took one once and they asked what I preferred, a chick flick or an action movie. I actually like both, providing the direction and acting are excellent. There was no option for that.

[arbon]

There is a choice in being transsexual? I wish someone had told me!

Am I one still? I'm not so sure.

[MarinaSweden]

I think that men and women have both male and female feelings inside of us.

What is being a male? To like cars, sports and beer?
What is being female? Caring about others? Being interested in how you look?
There are women that like sports. There are men that are very interested in how they look.

For me, I don't think that my body is that important. I can dress up in womens clothes with my male body. But I am sexually interested in women and only women.

So, even though I in some says feel like a typical male and in some ways like a typical woman, I like to keep my male body so that I can have traditional sex with women. If it hadn't been for that, I could just as well have a female body.

[Mayo]

What is being a male? To like cars, sports and beer?
What is being female? Caring about others? Being interested in how you look?
There are women that like sports. There are men that are very interested in how they look.

How do we define exactly what is 'male' or 'female' behaviour? Usually it seems to come down to simple (often misogynistic) stereotypes - men are assertive and dominant, women are meek and passive; men will refuse to ask for help, women won't; men are independent, women are cooperative, and so on. How much of what we think of as our 'female' side is just a 'normal' human characteristic that society happens to have labelled as 'female', 'feminine' or 'womanly', so we feel we have to identify (at least to some degree) as women in order to properly express it because we've been taught 'men just don't do that'? If our society had no gender stereotypes or gender roles (if such a thing were possible), would there be trans people at all?

[Sarah Doepner]

Why am I not a Transexual? I don't know, maybe I am and haven't accepted it yet. Maybe I'm on the cusp of fitting all those various and conflicting feelings together in a statement that says "I need hormones and surgery." Or maybe I'm not and that's why I haven't found that avenue to be the obvious choice for me. I'm in the process of attempting to figure that out if it's possible. I do fret about it more than I want to and it would be nice to resolve the thing one way or the other. It seems there are barriers between me and the freedom to make the decision and most of them require letting people I know about who I am. I read about those who know early and it's such a strong understanding that nothing can stand between them and transition, and maybe that's a clue for me.

At one time I thought I was weird and evil, later a transvestite, after that transgender or gender fluid. That's where I am today, I'm a transgender person and what I do is crossdress quite often. My mind is as gender fluid as the language has been, so check back some day and maybe I'll have sorted myself out a little more. But as long as I can smile and continue to explore, things are peachy!

[Maria Blackwood]

It's the way I'm wired?

But, I always add a caveat. If there were some super science fiction way to make me truly female (actual new and functional organs) I'd consider it. I think I would be happier as a female, but what we have currently to realize that does not do it for me, so I'm satisfied to stay male and CD to relax.

I'm not explaining it well. It's a giant complicated thing in my head that's difficult to articulate.