How come you are not transsexual?

[FemPossible]

Wait a sec! I know how the title must sound, but this is not meant as a troll post or to be rude. When I first came here I thought that I was just a crossdresser, but I discovered that I was actually trans. I've learned a lot about gender identity and gender expression ever since. But I'm curious about those who haven't made the leap. I know that just being a crossdresser does not mean that you're trans. But I'm curious how those of you who identify as male feel when it comes to the topic. Are you 100% sure of your male identity? If yes, can you explain how you are so sure? Once again, I know the difference between just dressing up as a woman and identifying as one, I just haven't heard it from a non-trans person's perspective.

[Kate Simmons]

I originally felt that I may need to transition to be myself but since I've accepted ALL of my feelings and taken ownership of them I no longer feel I need to do that.

[Ceera]

I currently self-identify as trans-gender, as a cross dresser, and as gender fluid - but not as transsexual. I'm bisexual, but prefer female company in either presentation, which makes me mostly straight as a male and mostly lesbian as a lady - but I can go either way for romantic fun, and have in the past. Growing up, I knew I was bi back in high school, but I had a father who never would have been able to accept his only son being anything but straight. So until he passed away, I suppressed my gay and feminine impulses, and tried to live a straight life. In my 50's I found myself widowed, after 30 years of straight, monogamous marriage and raising a lovely 20 year old daughter. Both of my parents were gone, and with my daughter's acceptance I embraced my whole self, and started exploring my feminine side.

I feel I have both feminine and masculine sides to my identity, and I thoroughly enjoy living in both worlds. I don't have gender dysphoria, so I feel no pressing urgency to fully transition to female. Breast forms, hip pads, a thong gaff to hold my tuck, a wig, and good makeup give me what I need to alter my appearance from male to a convincing and rather attractive female who can pass as a GG. I love going out into the world as a lady and being accepted as a female, and most of my social time I am choosing to experience in female mode, as my girly side catches up on what she missed out on while I was suppressing my feminine impulses. I have one remaining relative who would probably be upset of I transitioned fully - my little sister, who I dearly love. Retaining the ability to present 100% male may be needed to maintain my good relationship with my sister and attend family functions with her family. I haven't come out to her yet, though she has already seen and commented on several girly things about me, and I am certain we'll have 'that talk' soon.

While my feminine side is certain that it would feel marvelous to have real breasts, getting top surgery would make it difficult or impossible to revert back to male, to express my male side. At my mid 50's, and lacking any dysphoria, I have no real incentive to go through HRT or SRS. Perhaps I would consider it, if I gained a new, committed partner who really wanted to live with me for the long term, with me as a full time woman. But while I have dated a girl who liked being with me in my girly mode, and who knew both sides of me, I haven't found anyone yet who would only want me to be a woman for them, or who wanted to commit to a long term relationship with my feminine identity. So, since I have no intention of changing my physical gender or legal gender identity, I do not consider myself 'transsexual', no matter how much I enjoy 'being a woman'.

[Jenniferathome]

I am 100% certain I am male and just a cross dresser. I do not identify as a woman. I don't feel like a woman (if I even knew what that was) when I am dressed. I never dream of having any of the female anatomy and I like my part quite a lot. To quote Woody Allen from the movie Sleeper, "Reprogram my brain? That's my second favorite organ."

When I read posts from the trans side of this forum, nothing resonates for me. I don't get it. I've always been a pragmatic guy and things are what they are, so I have never struggled with me being a cross dresser except that I hid it from my for for too long.

I like the change made when I dress but I am a tourist only.

[JustWendy]

I ask myself the question, "do I need to transition in order to survive?" The answer is "no". In addition to that, I enjoy socializing with men and women, but when I'm socializing with women, I don't feel like one of the girls, nor do I feel like I want to be. I'm a feminine guy who enjoys presenting en femme as often as I can, but I'm a guy.

[Mayo]

I'm currently considering myself non-binary, but still mostly (~80%) male. I find myself comfortable in some female clothing and enjoy the sensation of feeling female-bodied (to the extent that I can do so). I have almost always felt more at ease in the company of women than men and generally find them easier to relate to. I have occasional slight gender dysphoria and would have preferred to have been born female but I accept that I was born as I was. I think of myself as falling under the edge of the 'trans umbrella' as I'm slightly more than 'just a CD'. At this point I can't see myself transitioning but who knows what I'll feel like in ten years.

[Rhonda Jean]

I say I'm a crossdresser because that's what I am. It's one word that everybody understands pretty well without going into all the smaller details that may or may not apply to me. One significant digit, if you will. I don't see "trans" being better than, ahead of, above or in any way superior to being "just a crossdresser", but to someone unfamiliar with this community it'd be easy to assume that trans is the head of the class. If someone is going to be a real part of this forum, other members need to know where we're coming from. We get to know each other around here. It'd be easy enough for anyone to claim a spot where they wish to be or fantasize being, but we tend to (at least sometimes) be a bit deeper than that. It's pretty easy after a while to sort out who is and who just says they are. We frequently get lost in labels. For instance, when you say you're "trans", I'm not sure exactly what that means. It take it from context that you see it as being further along, deeper, more serious, maybe ever better than being "just a crossdresser", but I have no idea exactly what you're driving at.

If you think that crossdressing is strictly a preference for, say, skirts over pants... that would be inaccurate. The "Men in Skirts" forum is where they hang out. As "just a crossdresser" I certainly have feminine elements of my personality, my thought processes, my general being that differs significantly from the more typical male, but I'm mostly comfortable living most of my life as a typical male. I dress frequently. Sometimes I'd describe those outings as being out "as a woman" and sometimes just "dressed as a woman". Sometimes even male with a feminine touch (carrying a purse and wearing nail polish, for instance). My friends on here who I consider "trans" to the letter of the law don't ever de-transform, as I do.

[Taylor186]

I too, am just a crossdresser. I no longer give a seconds thought to whether I am something more. A few years ago I would have said that crossdressers like myself fit under the broad Trans umbrella but it seems lately that claiming Trans means you have thoughts or desires for transition or maybe some discomfort being male. I just don't. While I get great joy from dressing I never think of myself as anything but male no matter what I am wearing. I have great empathy for those contemplating or actively transitioning (or transitioned) as they give up and risk a lot to be themselves, but that is not my path.

[lmildcd]

I cross dress because it makes me feel good. I don't pretend to be a woman.

[Kimberly2112]

There are a lot of different things that fall under what we call "Gender"... your body, your presentation, who you identify with, who you're attracted to, how others relate to you. Each one of these is a spectrum rather than a black-and-white choice. Where you are on the spectrum can change. So some people might not want to fully adopt a new gender identity because they're not comfortable with all aspects of that identity, at least not all the time. Being forced to identify as cisgender or transgender can be like being forced to identify yourself as a tall person or a short person when you're really medium height.

[sara.rafaela]

I like being a man. For me, going out dressed is something different. For example, I live in New York and you might call it a very interesting place. Yet, I still enjoy travel to other places, whether it be Paris, France, or Bishop, California. When I go to these places I get to experience a magical new world, and that invigorates me. Going out dressed is the same thing. I get to experience something that is new, different, and exciting with just an hour of preparation. How magical can that be? I do not really think in terms of being feminine or expressing my feminine self, or wanting to be like that permanently.

[Nicolesmyth]

I am a crossdresser. I have never felt like I was trapped in a man's body. However, I do enjoy dressing and feeling feminine especially the feelings of relaxation and calmness that comes with it. It's my "warm bath" if you will. I find that the traditional male roles I want to do as a man and the traditional female roles "dressed" as a woman. No offense to either sex for my "traditional roles" comment. When I am "en femme" I want to shop, engage in conversation, and clean the house. It's not to say that I won't do these things in "drab", but I find that I "want" to do them when dressed. Just like I want to watch/participate in sports, do "honey do's", drink beer and burp, etc. as a guy. I like being a man, but sometimes I need a "warm bath".

[Tracii G]

I am gender fluid would be the best way to put it I do love my duality.I am trans for sure and would love to transition but medically I cannot because of the medication and its risks with my existing condition and age.If I were in my 20's you bet I would.
I really do think I was meant to be a girl because I have always felt there was a mix up when they passed out genes.

[Yoshisaur]

For me I still identify as male because that is what I present to my friends and family who don't know about my crossdressing. However if I were to ever let them know about who I am and have this be public knowledge then I would give more serious thoughts to making the transition. For now though i'm satisfied with keeping this male-female dynamic I have going on.

[lyndsayalexis]

I'm 100% heterosexual, I don't consider myself as a trans, I dress up with woman clothes because I been attracted to their fashion, the way they can put different clothes together, tops, skirts, dresses, blouses, etc, because all of this make me feel excited and feel good, so I'm a crossdresser only

[Teresa]

FemPossible,
I had to go through gender counselling to really find myself, now I know I'm just on the male side of TS. I prefer to look female and feel comfortable in either mode but feel natural, more comfortable and relaxed in femme mode. Maybe I'm still not 100% sure, but age and commitments would make me think very hard before making any changes.

[Lily Catherine]

Put simply: I have yet to give significant thought to transition, and am more than unlikely to make this grave and life changing decision. At point of writing I still present as a male most of the time, but still feel as natural when I present female. Then again, I haven't fully broken open my closet either so all I know is that I am definitely around the edge of the trans umbrella, very slightly more than a mere crossdresser, yet miles away from the prospect of transition.

[OnlyRed]

Today is a special day for me. I am dressed in very good clothes. I look very handsome as a man. The society sees me as a man. I like talking to girls and I like the way they are attracted to me.

Today is not the day for my femme side.

But there are days where I like to look at my waxed legs, wear make up and wear women's clothes. I also get sexually aroused by them. Sometimes after the sexual gratification, I remove all the female attire immediately. Sometimes, I like to wear comfortable women's clothes and watch TV.

It's on and off.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), the day when I told my wife about it and broke the marriage, I had severe dysphoria. I felt trapped inside a man's body. I wanted femme body parts badly. That day if you had asked me if I wanted a transition, I would have said yes. But today, I don't feel like it.

It's a spectrum. For some the position is constant. For me it wavers.

But this doesn't affect my relationships with friends or my work. So as long as life goes on, let it go on.

Will I ever get a transition?

Probably never.

Because though I have had the extreme desire to transition on certain days, it has never lasted for several days. And transition is painful and involves lot of steps. I don't think my dysphoria will ever reach to a level where I get HRT or SRS. By the time I get out of the house and visit a therapist, I would have changed my mind.

[Pat]

My experience of transsexuals is that they often "pass through" the crossdresser space on their way to finding themselves, so it's not uncommon for them to think that crossdressers are just not fully-realized transsexuals. But my personal experience is that crossdressers are their own thing. My transsexual friends tell stories of despising their "male bits" and I certainly don't do that. And they knew from a very young age that they were women. I've known from a very young age that I get solace and comfort from woman-ish behavior and presentation, but I've never felt that i was actually a woman. (I do however get really, really dysphoric about not having breasts and having body hair. But it's just those physical attributes that bother me, not anything else.)

As to "why" I'm not transsexual? Same reason I'm not cis-gender, I suppose. I was lucky.

[tifftg]

I think fortunately I am only a crossdresser. I say that because it means that I can have greater control of my choices. Like others above I went thru therapy to examine how far along the journey I needed to go. I think about dressing every day, I come to this site fairly often. I also keep my male side and family side fully engaged with that part of my life. Would I want to dress more often yes I enjoy that, am I a woman inside. No I am not.

[docrobbysherry]

When I arrived here after dressing in a vacuum for 10 years, I fantasized about surgeries. Those desires vanished after a few years. As did my hopes for my "fem side" to appear. I'm simply a CD at best.

Let me answer your question then throw it back at u and others who talk about your fem side.

I was a man with NO gender issues until I began dressing out of the blue in my 50's. So, what was feeling like a man like before then? The main thing I recall was never, ever thinking I mite be a female or have a fem side! I've always been different. But, never considered myself fem in any way. And, I still don't. Except in my appearance. I've never thot of myself as "feeling like a man". I've always felt like ME. Still do, no matter how I dress.

So, FemPossible let me ask u. What does "feeling like woman" feel like? And, how do u know that IS what your feeling?

[Dana44]

I am a gender fluid androgynous male. I often thought about it but do enjoy being male and dressing female as a balance between male and female. I like my male parts and I am in a heterosexual relationship. I'm Bi sexual but I love women. To put that in perspective. I have to take care of her sexually and she is not a lesbian. But I have kissed her with makeup and lipstick on and put her through me dressing as a female while going out. I appreciate her and well even though I sometimes have gender dysphoria, I know for sure that I am male and that I will never transition.

[Tina81]

I'm with Jennifer. I tell my wife the best part about crossdressing is that I can go back to dressing as a male. There was an interesting article this past week-end in the Washington Post. I concur that the reason we are crossdressers or transsexcual is due to the "hormonal wash" theory. As a crossdresser, it's just not as strong for me to identify as a female. I prefer the clothes and trying to understand the motivation for wigs and make-up.

Here's the link to that WashPost article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/nat...sgender-at-70/

[BillieAnneJean]

I have no desire to transition.
I have friends that are. I respect and admire them and their determination.
I am just a CDer.
For me this is just an escape, fun.
I feel VERY lucky that I discovered this.
Because I am MUCH happier a a guy. Instead of it being a default, it is by choice.
SUCH FUN!

[Tina_gm]

I see this as sort of a where are you on the spectrum thread. A somewhat different angle perhaps-

Those on the TS side will usually give the advice, transition is only for those who feel they must, and if you don't feel you must, don't. Now, for some, they may for whatever their reasons are, not transition in any way shape or form, but yet still identify themselves internally as a woman and a woman only. Most though, once they do recognize themselves as a woman 100% will typically make some big changes in their lives.

So, for me, why haven't I made the leap??? Several reasons. But I would suppose any one reason that is enough to make me feel that I am not 100% female internally, that is enough. I personally consider myself to be in the TG spectrum. I consider myself to be TG by the definition it currently holds, although for many nowadays, TG is the new TS. I consider myself to be dual gender. I identify with both male and female, although I do not fully identify with either. I am a man who is more feminine, more like a woman, but I do not identify AS a woman. I do have male as part of my internal core, and masculinity to some degree as well. For me it is frustrating to not be a woman, but yet it does not feel wrong to be a man. I do not need to transition to survive. For me, it would be harder to transition than to live the life I am living now.