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Thread: Starting HRT this Sunday

  1. #76
    Cereal Killer Ashley in Virginia's Avatar
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    If nothing else, I've gotten alot out of this thread. I've been on hormones since February of this year and I've really been dragging my feet about getting out. My therapist told me last month to "shit or get off the pot"...

    I am going to finally get out this weekend to a support group thing. Hopefully it goes well and I can find some strength to push forward from there.
    If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

  2. #77
    Senior Member Suzanne F's Avatar
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    Danielle
    I am also a Kentucky girl! Listen to all my sisters here. We have all done this! We don't have an agenda just experience. When you walk out the door in Louisville you had better be confident. I know that you don't live there but you will be visiting your family there and it will be tough. I suggest that you pick certain areas of your life that you will never preant male anymore. A first area could be visiting your therapist and doctor. If they are treating you for gender dysphoria then they need to see you as a woman. How does this require anyone else to see you?

    Next pick something social that you can do on your own or with another person from our community. A social trans group or something similar. Make a decision you will always present as female and stick to it no matter what. In this way you will be forced to deal with life's surprises and respond while presenting female.

    We have to be able to conquer obstacles if we are going to successfully transition. You are setting yourself up to fail if you can't commit to a few simple things. I doubt that you will listen to me but I felt I had to try. When I am in Louisville I am open to meeting you.
    Suzanne
    Life Is One Big Dilation

  3. #78
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    One, I need to buy new glasses. That is a must before I can even start presenting in public. I just had an eye exam today so it is a matter of finding frames that work and at a reasonable price.

    Two, I need to start working on makeup. My friend is going to help me but it's a matter of finding time in our busy schedules. This won't happen until new glasses arrive.

    Three, I can forget voice because insurance doesn't cover it and the other place has a sliding scale and they may or may not let me go for really cheap.

    Four, and I'm pretty sure that I am the only one on this section that this applies to (which is why I am listening to friends I know from elsewhere and have gone through the exact same circumstances as I am), I am transitioning in place in a very religious community. None of the ones I spoke to did the part time thing at all. It was straight to full time at a certain point after being on HRT.
    Last edited by Nigella; 08-31-2016 at 01:20 PM. Reason: leaving comments/posts are not allowed
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  4. #79
    Member JanePeterson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDanielle View Post
    One, I need to buy new glasses. That is a must before I can even start presenting in public. I just had an eye exam today so it is a matter of finding frames that work and at a reasonable price.

    Two, I need to start working on makeup. My friend is going to help me but it's a matter of finding time in our busy schedules. This won't happen until new glasses arrive.

    Three, I can forget voice because insurance doesn't cover it and the other place has a sliding scale and they may or may not let me go for really cheap.

    Four, and I'm pretty sure that I am the only one on this section that this applies to (which is why I am listening to friends I know from elsewhere and have gone through the exact same circumstances as I am), I am transitioning in place in a very religious community. None of the ones I spoke to did the part time thing at all. It was straight to full time at a certain point after being on HRT.

    Oh Danielle....

    did you notice how many people said the same thing in this thread? many of them transitioned in place in situations that are probably even more restrictive than your own. Also notice how NONE of their responses had ANYTHING to do with your 1-4 list. These lessons are universal. They have nothing to do with presentation (once again). I'm sorry you still can't see this.

    And if you let a few well meaning, kind, yet insistent internet opinions scare you away from an anonymous website designed to support and advise you.... how you think you're going to just stroll out the door one day and face the harsh world as a transwoman is beyond me. I wish you the best - maybe your time WOULD be better spent somewhere else, because you don't seem to be able to accept or understand anything anyone here is telling you

    All in all though, this thread contained some REALLY great wisdom and opinions... thank you to everyone who shared such thoughtful and powerful advice. I got a lot out of it!!!
    Last edited by Nigella; 08-31-2016 at 01:21 PM. Reason: edited quoted post

  5. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDanielle View Post

    Four, and I'm pretty sure that I am the only one on this section that this applies to (which is why I am listening to friends I know from elsewhere and have gone through the exact same circumstances as I am), I am transitioning in place in a very religious community. None of the ones I spoke to did the part time thing at all. It was straight to full time at a certain point after being on
    Wow. You don't think anyone else has had to transition in place under difficult circumstances? Jane is transitioning in the CG....talk about difficult places to transition. Yet she is doing it with such an amazing confidence. She knows how to be true to herself out there in the world.


    i hope it all works out for you. I really do.

  6. #81
    Woman first, Trans second
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    I'm going to say this for the benefit of others, because while Danielle might not see it, hopefully somebody else can learn from it.

    Stop. Making. Checklists.
    Stop. Confusing. Wants. With. Needs.
    Stop. Inventing. Barriers. To. Use. As. Excuses.

    You don't NEED new glasses. You WANT new glasses. BTW, nobody besides you would give a shit.
    You don't NEED new glasses OR your friend to learn makeup. You WANT them, because it gives you an excuse for not doing it now. Watch makeup vlogs on YouTube - you've clearly got internet.
    You don't NEED a voice coach. They can be a nice to have. WATCH YOUTUBE AND PRACTICE.

    I'm not even going to touch #4, for a whole host of reasons.

    Every problem you have has an explanation that conveniently (and erroneously) deflects the problem away from YOU. This is YOUR transition. YOU have resources available to you... USE THEM. Some of us would probably be resources available to you, if you weren't so damn obstinate all of the time. Your job is to be clearing obstacles, and instead you are furiously inventing them.

    Enjoy your break, and good luck.
    Last edited by Zooey; 08-30-2016 at 08:54 PM.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  7. #82
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    Well assuming Danielle has actually left or stopped replying this thread most likely will die a merciful death soon. For those of you reading that do not post ( which is fine - but I encourage posting it helps you learn by asking questions ) but for those that don't post at least read this thread. Learn from the people that have a lot of posts that seem to know what they are talking about. The only thing you can learn from me is that I know enough to listen to them. Do you have to do everything exactly as they say - of course not - you are your own person. Rather learn the general concepts that they are describing. They have lived this you have not.

    Suzanne - great advice - unbelievably timely for me. I was just thinking today about doing exactly what you suggested. I currently go a few places as Kym - my therapist - my group and a very few others. Today I was thinking - OK this ( insert place here ) would be a good place to step it up and that place too. I am going to keep pushing my limits until eventually I can go anywhere. That is the only way I will be even close to ready to be full time. And I guess you are never really ready but your first time out in public IMHO is not the day to go full time.

    New people - don't follow Danielle's decision to walk away from the discussion. Take the tough love and if you disagree or don't understand ASK. If you have a good attitude and are honest many people here would love to help you. REALLY :-)

  8. #83
    A Brave Freestyler JohnH's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    Hormones are not going to cause changes so big that you would have to come out at work anytime soon.

    It is more "wishful thinking" on the part of most TS when they believe the changes are gonna be so great that people will even notice.

    Pesonally, it seems to me that HRT is mostly a gimmick. Kind of like the latest weight loss supplement or those steroid alternatives you find in health food stores. All these things might make a slight difference (on a good day) but nothing life changing.
    Let me say I frequently get read as a woman even when I am dressed in casual men's attire. So there is some effect of the HRT. One thing for sure however; it does not affect the voice. I still have my bass voice which I do not want to change. Even when I speak I still sometimes get read as woman.

    My experience with HRT is that the changes are gradual. The makeup (lipstick and eye makeup) I use for business and church is subtle. As far as church is concerned I am the leader of the choir, and in the choir there is a female mezzo-soprano, one tenor, two baritones, and myself as a bass. And my use of HRT is hardly a secret.
    Last edited by JohnH; 09-03-2016 at 01:12 AM.
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  9. #84
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley Smith View Post
    Surely you cannot be serious.
    It seems that way sometimes to me, and I did explain myself. I did not intend to minimize the struggle to claim your true gender officially, with all its practical and emotional ramifications and risks. Believe me, I face some of those risks every time I leave the house as me, and every time I confide in a friend, and I yearn to make them add up to freedom. Part time is mostly downside risk, with little chance of proximate reward, beyond the relief of telling the truth to people I respect and hope to count on. It is emotionally taxing to switch back and forth, while really needing to be full time--and seeing time running out. Have you ever been in a double-bind situation? If you'd like to know what my circumstances are, please PM me. But please don't dismiss what I feel out of hand.

    Lallie
    Time for a change.

  10. #85
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    Lallie - being part time can be hellish hard. I did it for a long time desperately wanting it to end and just be myself everywhere. But I had to keep presenting male at work for a year and half after I had come out to everyone including work. That really sucked and was one of the most miserable periods of my life. But that is not really what is being talked about by the OP who does not even get out the door presenting as a female at all. What people are concerned with is that she is locking herself in by making all the legal changes and this plan to transition over night without any experience with interacting with other people presenting female or being seen as trans. She will have a lot to face all at once with nothing, no past experience getting comfortable with herself out in the world, to help her. Full time is a whole crazy adventure and a lot can come down on you fast.

  11. #86
    Woman first, Trans second
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    When people have lived both part-time and full-time, and each for a while, that is when i value their perspective on the relative degree of difficulty. They are both difficult, but in very different ways.
    Coming out is like discovering that you've been drowning your whole life after actually breathing air for the first time.

  12. #87
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by arbon View Post
    Lallie - being part time can be hellish hard. I did it for a long time desperately wanting it to end and just be myself everywhere...Full time is a whole crazy adventure and a lot can come down on you fast.
    That's what I'm talking about, Arbon. I just want it to be over! I want to stop sweating at the edge of the pit and just effing start across the hot coals!

    Quote Originally Posted by Zooey View Post
    When people have lived both part-time and full-time, and each for a while, that is when i value their perspective on the relative degree of difficulty. They are both difficult, but in very different ways.
    That's obviously smart, Zooey. But you can still go crazy waiting, and that's where I am, in a state of suspended life. It's paralyzing.

    Lallie[/QUOTE]
    Time for a change.

  13. #88
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    Considering a lot of what you have posted lallie maybe you should make the leap.

  14. #89
    Junior Member Jmichelle60's Avatar
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    Congratulations on the progress!

  15. #90
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    wish me luck. nine days left of boymode at work and then making the switch as soon as I get back to my apartment. full time but work started TODAY.

    And actually, I did need new glasses because the last eye exam I had until a few weeks ago was before 2008.

    but yeah, I was myself today. If anyone clocked me, they said nothing. And of course, the only place I really went, aside from Target, was shopping on the Mile. That and Ulta.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  16. #91
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    Lost my job on Friday. I've been full time ever since. I was going to come out a work in a week and a half.

    This last week could not have gone any better, to be honest.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  17. #92
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear you lost your job, was it related to your transition?

    I hope the job market where you are is better than near me.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

    This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any

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  18. #93
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    Ultimately, yes, it was. I have to go through 3 sets of doors to walk to and from the bathroom. Throw in the fact that my department is the furthest away from the door and it's a long walk. I was having to pee once an hour. Holding it in for 90 minutes was tough.

    They threatened to dock my pay a few weeks ago, have me stay late to make up the missed time, or find a way to fix it.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  19. #94
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that you lost your job Miss D, especially so close to when you were planning on coming out to them. So that makes me wonder how you are planning on proceeding from this moment. You posted a little while ago that your name change court date is only a month away. Are you planning on interviewing as Danielle or are you going to interview as the old you?
    I'm outta here...

  20. #95
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    One step forward and two steps back....it can be so frustrating. Keep on pushing till the forces of the universe give you exactly what you want.

  21. #96
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megan G View Post
    I'm sorry that you lost your job Miss D, especially so close to when you were planning on coming out to them. So that makes me wonder how you are planning on proceeding from this moment. You posted a little while ago that your name change court date is only a month away. Are you planning on interviewing as Danielle or are you going to interview as the old you?
    I am completely full time as of Friday afternoon! Before Friday, it was full time but work.

    The main reason why I was delaying things until after this upcoming weekend was because of a family event and my brother and SIL don't know if their daughter will be able to understand what's happening.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  22. #97
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Miss D,

    Ok you were FTEW for 5 days before you lost your job, prior to that you could not even leave your apartment dressed...

    Listen I wish you nothing but the best, I really do and I hope you find exactly what you are looking for. This is not an easy road for anyone. But have you sat down and considered the mountain that is right in front of you that needs to be climbed? Not long ago you were complaining that you barely had enough money to eat, you were taking donations for laser hair removal and I am sure the list goes on.

    Your first priority should be finding a job to ensure you have a roof over your head and food on the table.

    I have been there, I am sure a few of us have. I was laid off 6-7 months after I went full time and let me tell you finding a new job is hard enough for CIS people, add into the fact that you are trans and the odds are stacked against you even more. I spent 7 months being unemployed and trying to find a job and that is with a college degree and years of experience in a very specialized field. You can have all the protections you want at the city/state and federal level for gender identity but that is not going to help. My family suffered big time because of it.

    I'm not telling you to abandon your transition but I am saying to reconsider how you plan on attacking your job search. Your name change is not scheduled for another month and you barely have any real world experience in your new identity. You still need to learn who Danielle is...

    Get a job, get some money coming in and then tell them your trans. That's my advise and I only want to see you succeed.

    Megan

  23. #98
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    while i take your advice into consideration, physically, emotionally, and mentally, it was getting harder to keep presenting as male. i'm still the same me at my core. but for the sake of my emotional and mental health, i had to go full time. there's no going back. i fully know hard tough it is to find a job while being openly or visibly trans. the situation sucks but it is what it is.

    i have great friends in Chicago and elsewhere, who have been amazingly supportive. some have provided job leads and we'll see what becomes of that.

    except for my voice, I am passing regularly without issue and with no makeup.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  24. #99
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    It seems like you are good at finding things to let get in the way of everything.
    "I want to do this but I have to do that first. I would do this but there exists that condition..."
    I used to be like that but I learned something - there will always be something to get in the way if you let it.

    Put it this way - I never had and never will have a ton of money for a "proper" transition. So instead i worked around it.
    Some web site I read years ago was talking about building a lucrative career to have the money. Here was my thought -
    "Screw that, i don't want to wait for years and have to become a career type, I just want to live as my true self".

    The problem with setting up obstacles for yourself is they often take on a life of their own, sometimes giving birth to their OWN obstacles.

    It may seem like an entitlement mentality but get this - plenty of people out there who don't work for what they want will find other, easier ways to get it.
    That is why you see some jobless, babbling losers dating beautiful women while a good looking clean cut educated guy has not.
    That is why you see someone at the grocery pay with food stamps but then are driving a humvee.
    Most important on this forum - It is why I live this full time (and have a job) but not on HRT, therapy, never had surgeries and yet some members who do all that come in here and still complain about how hard it is to be TS or they still get "clocked".

    Do not let anything stand in your way
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  25. #100
    Silver Member Starling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nicole Erin View Post
    ...That is why you see someone at the grocery pay with food stamps but then are driving a humvee...
    That's pretty common, actually. Especially in Afghanistan.

    Lallie
    Time for a change.

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