a question of equitability and hypocrisy

[pamela7]

Consider a scenario: you come home to find your SO has: cut their hair short and boyish, glued on a smart false beard, strapped down her breasts, packed a fake penis, and is wearing men's clothes. She announced that "he" wants to be called "Bob", and to promptly walk into town with you to go shopping, arm in arm:

a) with you in guy mode,

b) with you in girl mode.

My questions are:

1. what is your response/acceptance to Bob?

2. how does this compare to what you expect from your SO when you are dressed?

3. how would this change your relationship to your SO over time?

For the record, I'm owning up to being a hypocrite, and really don't know how I would cope with it; thus I am asking.

[Erica Marie]

I would allow her, depending. Here is where our hypocrite side comes in. Does she pass, or at least blend in? I myself would never head out in public if I didnt think I at least blended in and would have a hard time if she didnt. I know it is wrong. I dont have an SO reason being that I find it hard to ask some one else to accept me this way.

[Judy-Somthing]

I think it could be cool but,
I wouldn't be surprised if it got old fast if she had a whole male wardrobe and always wanted to do it.


Of course it was Halloween one time I went as a bride and my wife a the groom.
She looked so much like a guy when we weren't standing together our friends thought who the heck is this guy here without a costume?

[CarlaWestin]

First time out, me in man mode. I would want time to observe and learn this new other side. Would she be more domineering as a man? It certainly would be an interesting dynamic. I could get used to it.

[carrie001]

I'll be honest, it sounds fun as hell!

[NicoleScott]

1. I crossdress in response to my internal drive, so how could I not accept her response to her drive?
2. I place no expectations on her when I dress (like going out with me), so I wouldn't want her to put expectations on me (like going out with her).
3. No way of knowing.

[sara66]

I would most likely be ok with it. but first you have to ask if she was gay and if she want to become a man. lol
if she wanted to go shopping, i would beat her to the car.

[bridget thronton]

I cannot control what she does with her life or her body. She has my love always as I hope I continue to have hers.

[Tina_gm]

I guess because I know for me this would be difficult (not impossible) is why I strive so hard to compromise my fem/gender issues.

[Lauri K]

It would take some getting used to but it could be alright with me, after all I have met a few FTM people that seemed pleasant to be around. But I have to say NO to the glue on mustache......

I sometimes wonder if there is a construction crew in my house / kitchen, because my wife is not gentle at all on the doors, pots, pans, drawers, etc. She makes more noise doing little things than I do, just saying she may have some of those male traits already.............make wonder some days.

[Pat]

I think the description misses the most important part that would make all the difference: what's the emotional temperature of the scene? If she's excited, happy and enthusiastic I can see it all playing out wonderfully. If she's "weird" and I get the sense that she's not really in the role but is trying to work something out, I'd be more circumspect.

Let's turn up the heat, since it wouldn't be a big deal to go out in the big anonymous world -- what if she's done up like that and wants to go to your folks' place and come out to them? Now you're not facing the scrutiny of strangers, you're facing the scrutiny of people who know your past and will be in your future. Does that change the dynamic?

[Jackie7]

Having been a little way down that road, I can say it was/is fun for us (might not be for you) mostly because of the way other women react to my wife when she puts on her rough guy. They defer to her the way women often do, they treat her as if she was a guy, even when they are close friends who aren't fooled for an instant. very interesting phenomenon. And she has found, as I have too, that it's a lot of fun in small doses, a lot of work in medium doses, and craziness (for us) in large doses.

[pamela7]

yeah, the beard's a no-no for me; the rest; okay, why not.
Visiting my folks; no problem either.
I think mainly though, I love the look of the female form; such a shame to hide it.

PS and to be fair, my SO hates it when i don't shave, so we have balance there!

[Sara Jessica]

...and she (being a term to refer to most of our SO's) loves the male form and it is such a shame to hide it (shame being the understatement of the century for many of our SO's).

Thing is, this is such a fantastical scenario that is right up there with a guy telling his wife as she is about to give birth "I'd trade places with you in a second if I could". Women simply are not wired the way guys are and the prevalence of crossdressing behavior as described in the OP scenario is infinitesimal at best.

[2B Natasha]

As others have said. No beard. Hate those things. Hipsters and lumbersexual's ruined them.

Otherwise. Sure. Why not. I think I would go how ever I felt at the time. Meaning. Do I have the energy and time to look right en femme or not. What are we shopping for? Power tools? Lumber? Chainsaw? What is " Bob " after?

I would hope that I give " Bob " the same respect I desire. Bit of an existential question that.

How would it change the relationship over time. Once again don't really know but it would be fun to find out.

In the end. If you eliminate the beard. I'm not sure what the difference is between " Bob "and a lady that doesn't do the stereotype girl stuff such as makeup and hair.

[LelaK]

An FtM wife might be hard for me to take, which is why I should probably try to get a lesbian or bisexual lover.

[Sallee]

granted it would be hard to accept. I would accept at least for a bit. My SO has accepted me for a bit. But she grew tried of it and it was no longer fun for her. Which I can totally understand. I would no doubt be the same. "lets go out together each cross dressed". It would be fun to see how each of us reacted to the rest of society but after awhile it would grow old I am sure. So for that reason I tend to keep my cding out of her life and she can keep her cding out of mine and we get along fine.
She doesn't cd to my knowledge. She is aware of mine but prefers not to be involved any more. There was a time she was involved but it grew old.
It works better this way for both of us

[Jaylyn]

Won't ever happen. I promised her when I cross dress I will not go out that way. Thus she would probably have to follow the rules she laid down for me. Just our agreement.
I did ask this similar question once on here but mine was if you came home and your wife was cross dressing as a male? Some interesting responses.

[Jenniferathome]

... the prevalence of crossdressing behavior as described in the OP scenario is infinitesimal at best.

yes, it is closer to fantasy than anything else. And yet, this question keeps popping up now and again. Can we be objective?

I can state with certainty that I would not understand why she would want to do that. And this is EXACTLY how she sees my cross dressing. That aside, I would respect her desire to go out with me in the same way she respects mine.

[Meghan4now]

After a half an hour, my sides would stop hurting from laughing so much, but then I would still have the ice pack over the eye.

I would hang with her dude night out, and make sure we went to a strip club. No hand in hand or kissing.

Maybe hold her hand, etc while I was dolled up.

Where our relationship would go from there has too many variables.

[Nadine Spirit]

1. what is your response/acceptance to Bob?

2. how does this compare to what you expect from your SO when you are dressed?

3. how would this change your relationship to your SO over time?

1 - I'd have no problem with Bob. What I would have a problem with is her doing all of those things without ever discussing it with me, and then just popping it on me seemingly from nowhere.

2 - It does not compare, as I discussed everything with my wife prior to doing anything. I would not care in the least about her wanting to express a clear gender variance, I would however be quite annoyed at the total lack of communication that would be obvious at that point.

3 - It might change the relationship as I would be very aware that my spouse never bothered to trust me.

I would have to add - this fantasy situation you propose - would be be absurd for anyone to treat their spouse in that manner. I understand that many of you have never told anyone of your gender variances, but this would not be the way to do it. Discussions first people, actions second, in my never to be humble opinion

[ClosetED]

She has bought fake mustache and beard and said she liked it and wanted to have sex with me while she was wearing it - so I was fine with it.
If she wanted to go shopping hand in hand that way, then I should go out as Ellen and she can treat me like a lady!
Ellen

[Gabby6790]

I have often thought about this and it has softened my opinion what what she wears normally. My unknowing SO is not a girlie girl. In the past, I have pushed for her to dress more feminine. Now, that I understand that hypocrisy I bring it up much less. Now, if she really wanted to go full macho I would want to discuss why and how often. If she would still agree to go femme on some occasions (especially the bedroom) I don't think I would have any choice but to agree considering my own situation.

[pamela7]

You are of course right Nadine, and I discussed my cd-ts journey every step of the way with my wife before taking it, so I guess I could frame it as part4:

"if she told you and you were involved every step of the way, how would you respond?"

[NicoleScott]

"You look great, Bob. Oh, by the way, the oil in my car needs changing, and the kitchen faucet is dripping. Have a look, will ya? I'd help, but I just did my nails."