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Thread: Why do so many wives feel deceived when they find out you CD?

  1. #51
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    After dating for a while and realizing that I was truly in love with my girlfriend (future wife), I opened up and shared with her that I liked to dress up as a woman. She really didn't understand it and at the time I really didn't understand it as well. But, she loved me unconditionally and we've been married for a long time. For many years, she didn't allow me to dress and then she came out of the blue several years ago and said I could dress up. She perceptively realized that I was rather miserable and not content and this was likely due to bottling up my femininity and not expressing it. She was correct. Since allowing me to dress, I've felt so much better, so much more comfortable and content with who I am and our relationship is now closer and stronger than ever. Nikki p.s. for us, our relationship is really one of love, sacrifice and accepting each other for who we truly are. My wife is simply wonderful and I don't take her for granted...not one minute!
    Last edited by nikkiwindsor; 05-08-2016 at 09:15 AM.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  2. #52
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    My wife never felt thay way even after years of not knowing. And even helps and if she sees something she thinks I'll like she will but it for me skirts dresses whatever.
    Angie

  3. #53
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Not having been told the truth (when this applies) is a biggie. And it's not true (Liz57) that wives keep comparable secrets, unless a wife is supporting an out-of-wedlock child or is a call-girl on the side that the husband doesn't know about. This might be comparable.

    Again, we get the issue of who gets to make the determination of what's comparable. The person who is not being told something is the only one who counts when making that judgement. So to say that someone elses secret is not comparable to your own, is not a valid evaluation. I suppose that to you, Reine, hiding the fact that a man is a crossdresser is tantamount to the worst thing he could hide, equaled only by sexual infidelity. But there are plenty of other things that a person may also consider 'comparable' in importance that they should have been told before continuing a relationship. Only each person can decide for themselves what is important, and how important that is. Where we run into problems, as you did with the above statement, is when we misinterpret how our potential mate might feel about any particular fact. For example, I consider mental illness an important thing to mention. So yeah, I could easily consider my ex's being hospitalized for major depression, and not telling me about it, also a lie of omission. Other men might consider other things lies of omission. And we know that some women like to think that some sexual encounters 'don't count' so they carefully avoid any mention of it to their prospective male mates, mostly because they KNOW that he might be upset about it. So it's all back to the same thing. What do we tell, and what do we not tell. And why. And I feel women are just as often guilty of 'lies of omission' as men are.
    Last edited by sometimes_miss; 05-12-2016 at 08:28 AM.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  4. #54
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    Being lied to is huge. If you have lied about what your feelings or orientation is, what else are you willing to lie about and how far are you willing to go? If you have betrayed trust, it is awfully hard to earn it back. Plus this isn't your run of the mill lie where you went out and bought something that your wife was pissed about. You are portraying yourself in a manner that many in society do not approve of and also could reflect poorly on your significant other. You are burdening her with something that could embarrass her socially and professionally. So coming forward has its consequences and while it may be liberating for us to do so, it also then burdens and puts stress on our wives to live with that. Its why, I have yet to say or do anything that could put any more stress in our lives as our lives have all the stress we need with her job and its pitfalls and our family life, which is also complicated. So adding something like being a crossdresser, would not make her want to go out and celebrate or keep my trust at a level where it would be coming out.

  5. #55
    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    If we consider that we haven't lied because we never answered a direct question NO to are you a crossdresser or are you trans, and that is the only way to deceive, then we can ask the question why do wives "feel" they were deceived. But, the word, deceive, deception, is not just about an actual lie. It can be. But deceiving or causing deception can be done without the direct straight up lie. Magicians pretty much make a living on it. What you see, and what they are actually doing are two different things. They create diversions, they create illusions. We who do not reveal are basically doing just that. Even though we can say technically we never lied about it, which if you think hard about it, I am sure somewhere along the line before or if you haven't yet revealed, you probably did tell a lie, somewhere due to CDing. If not, congratulations on your powers of deception without ever actually speaking a lie.

    So, the question is fairly obvious, because they were. Now, we should go deeper and think about how they react to the deception, and what the impacts are of the deception.
    Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned

  6. #56
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I tried telling my wife at least four times in our 36 years of marriage but she always bushed me deeper into the closet and would shut down and not want to talk about it.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  7. #57
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    [QUOTE=ReineD;3936898]Not having been told the truth (when this applies) is a biggie. And it's not true (Liz57) that wives keep comparable secrets, unless a wife is supporting an out-of-wedlock child or is a call-girl on the side that the husband doesn't know about. This might be comparable.QUOTE]

    Reine - Adultery is the probably the biggest and most frequent secret and lie a wife keeps from her husband. Statistics of women who admit affairs run from 15% to 50%. And unfortunately, infidelity of husbands runs even higher - 20% to 50%. Other secrets may include past loves and boyfriends, incidents of sexual assault or abuse, family problems, past health issues and past financial problems, many of which eventually surface. Some of these are also secrets kept by men. There may be a lot more secrets kept in relationships, and particularly in remarriages, than we would like to think.
    Last edited by heatherdress; 05-09-2016 at 10:02 PM.

  8. #58
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heatherdress View Post
    Reine - Adultery is the probably the biggest and most frequent secret and lie a wife keeps from her husband.
    Yes. This is true. Adultery is likely the biggest secret that wives AND husbands keep from their spouses.
    Reine

  9. #59
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Yes. This is true. Adultery is likely the biggest secret that wives AND husbands keep from their spouses.
    Nope. It's hiding money, or debts, or some other financial issue. #1 reason for marital problems. A really big one? Bankruptcy before the other person came into your life. That one virtually NEVER comes out until after the marriage.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  10. #60
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    Nope. It's hiding money, or debts, or some other financial issue. #1 reason for marital problems.
    Yes, of course we can disseminate all the reasons that people get divorced: when ONE partner lies about finances, or affairs, or anything else that causes divorce. That's why there's a divorce! The other partner was lied to, which means that at least one partner in the relationship was not lying.

    But if you go back and look at the post that started this facet of the discussion, it's a stretch to use the argument that people get divorced for reasons of having hidden affairs and financial issues, in defense of a CDer who justifies not telling a wife on the assumption that she is also hiding things of the same magnitude, like debt or having affairs. This is pure rationalization.
    Reine

  11. #61
    Junior Member Virginia1983's Avatar
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    Because they have been deceived.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    "This is pure rationalization."

    Lie about being a CD, or gay, or whatever - won't ever end well. If you cannot accept yourself for what and who you are why would you think an innocent outsider would? Completely delusional and on the DSMV spectrum.
    Last edited by Virginia1983; 05-12-2016 at 04:36 PM.
    Every inch a lady!

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