A light in a somber situation.

[Allisa]

Not sure if this fits this section but thought I'd post my experience here as an example of a sort of acceptance from family members. As I have said previously my family knows of my CDing but it is a subject that is not talked about and I do not push so when my mother was admitted to the hospital and in the ICU, members were in and out to visit and today I was in the room waiting for doctors and other personnel, found myself with my sister and 3 of her daughters(all older adults) sitting and talking and joking about our lives and the memories from the past, I guess you could say having gallows humor in the face of a grim situation. Now I guess I must describe that I was dressed more as an "effeminate" male; women's skinny jeans, ankle boot flats, women's pull over sweater, earrings, finger rings, small necklace with 3 tiny "charms" on it and bangles on both wrists, my "purse", as I always carry it now, my hair styled in a more femme manor but still kind of male, and just a touch of mascara just enough to darken not highlight my lashes and totally clean and tight shaven. Why now I took this time to express this part of me I do not know, all of this dressing took a lot of thought as not to "flaunt" but to be myself and feel comfortable in a tense situation as I have the POA for my mother I needed to be there for any decisions that may have to be made. As the day wore on for a brief moment the subject was my mode of clothing but to my surprise it was all positive and complimentary, but it was not the time to have a big discussion about CDing, so in a moment I was accepted in the open from family. Not sure how long this will play out from them but there was a shining moment in a dark situation, maybe one day soon the elephant in the room can be addressed in the open. I guess I just had to vent and maybe show that you can be yourself in situations you'd never thought possible.

[Pat]

Allisa -- Sorry about the situation with your Mom. From your description it sounds like you might have gone a bit past "effeminate male" but you were there, I'm just reading about it. Hopefully your family has this chance to interact with you and see you as a human being and they will accept you based on your true character. Situations like this do a lot to sort things that are truly important from things that are superficial. Hoping for the best.

[lingerieLiz]

Hope all goes well and for the best for your family. Over the years I've found that people who haven't seen you assume the worst of what a CD is. When they do see you as a person many realize that you are the same person they have known. I hope that this has opened the door for warm acceptance.

[alwayshave]

Allisa, I'm sorry about your mother's situation, I'm glad the subject of your mode of dressing went well.

[bridget thronton]

Sorry your mother is so ill - glad you have a loving family supporting each other

[Teresa]

Lisa,
It's times like this when we have to consider, do I stay in drab or dress as you did, and risk being accused of being inappropriately dressed. With other more important things going on they obviously took it as you presenting yourself in comfort, it wasn't disrespectful so you received an acceptance which is a great step forward with the family. I guess if you'd worn a mini skirt and were heavily made up it could have been totally different.

Sorry to hear about your mother, I hope she doesn't suffer too much, you have my thoughts.

[Rachelakld]

Sorry to hear about your mum.
I helped my mum when she was in ICU, it was time.

As to the Elephant in the room - nah I don't think there was one and I wouldn't be surprised if the girls refered to you effectionately as Auntie

[reb.femme]

Hi Allisa,

Glad that this appears on the face of it, to have gone well with the family, at a truly difficult time. I think Jennie said it well, in reference to sorting the important from the superficial.

Becky

[Allisa]

Thank-you all for your kind thoughts. Maybe I should add that the family dynamics are such that gender roles and expression are to say the least chiseled in stone and never questioned, but now with the inevitable passing of the matriarch and my being there in such an obvious variation of these gender expressions are in a sense a form of rebellion, although not my intention but a teaching to others that life is an on going kaleidoscope of human frailties and strengths through being and doing not by following and propagating older and maybe more outdated teachings. As I said my actions took some thought and I figured what better way to get a foot in the door than when one's guard and mind is off everyday things and focused more on one subject even if a sad one but starts the reflective process. I hope this in some way explains my thought process and that I meant no disrespect or cruel intentions but my family is very analytical and emotions or feelings are very secondary and more or less frowned upon thus my opening line. Sorry but it's been a long night and I need to be analytical, thus the torment I felt about my CDing and why my denial for oh so long about my gender identity. Sorry I'm rambling on, thank-you if you made it this far, your a better man than I Gunga Din.