I said all the truth about my bisexuality and crossdressing to my wife.

[Devi SM]

I want to share my recent experience with you ladies so it could help to others in a similar situation.
As many of you ladies here, my beginnings crossdressing go back to childhood, then my teen years with my sisters stuff.
This began dormant as my straight sexual activity began in my 15 years old but later married, at just 19 years old, living with a woman, my crossdressing desires come back but my environment was very religious so I tried to cool down my femine desires.
We came to the United states in 2000.
The opportunities to do it were more open, the chances to be alone at home with a working wife easily feed my femine desires.
One day in 2006 I fully dress with make up and everything and that day I knew that I was in part a woman, with desires as a woman.
I had sex with some men, which I honestly didn't enjoy too much up. Later, I could meet other cds and I found myself enjoying a lot their company and having sex with them but always in a very low profile and discret and secret activities.
We both watched the movie The Danish Girl and much wife had a very compassion attitude to gays and this kind of people.
I realize that this was something that I could not hide for my wife and more than hide I wanted to share with her honestly who I am.
So last week in a trip to San Francisco, In a 6 hours drive I start to say all the truth but without painful for details.
It was two days of pain for her, a lot of tears, questions that I promise to answer honestly.
She loves me, she is trying to interstate me.
Of course she won't allow me to go with other men, but we're talking about go with me dressed to a club, or shopping.
For the meantime she open herself to my femine sexual desires and our relationship as a couple and in bed has been enriched.
I'm satisfied, happy with the woman I'm married to, it looking to be with other men.
Being in darkness and living a lie for many years was horrible.
Kisses,
Vanessa

[Helen_Highwater]

Very brave of you to come out to her. Revealing you CD is difficult enough but admitting to sex outside the marriage is always going to be fraught with dangers.

I hope you both find a comfortable place to be within your relationship.

[Teresa]

Vanessa,
It's good you managed to finally come out to your wife, there's never a right time or a correct way but you've got through it and your wife is standing by you.
You call it living in darkness I called it living in solitary confinement, all your guilt, shame and the lies bottled up inside, it can't go on , it is horrible and mentally destructive.

You need to let the dust settle and let your wife come to terms with it, she is offering some good terms so you can deal with your CDing, OK no male relationships, maybe that's not a bad thing she needs to know you're playing safe and she is safe as well. I'm not BI so I don't have that problem , I just love women too much !

[Devi SM]

Thanks Helen for your kind words.
We both are learning now but it's been like to open a new window with fresh air to our relationship as a couple.

Thanks Teresa for your comment to this thread.
You're right, I need to let the dust to settle.
My main concern now is her happiness.

[Jenny22]

"I'm satisfied, happy with the woman I'm married to, it looking to be with other men."
______________

Congrats to you and your wife! Your statement above is a bit confusing. Do you still want to be sexual with men?

[Devi SM]

Thanks Jenny for your question.
I want to be clear with everybody but my Hispanic background and my poor English sometimes is not enough clear, sorry for that.
Yes, I'd like to have sex with other men in yhe cding context.
I had sex with men but I'm not he kind of guy that's looking other men. I'm not sissy but just when dressed.
I'd like to have sex with other men but in the crossdressing environment with other crossdressers. So I feel sometimes like a lesbian cd.
I promise not to lie again to my wife because I don't to longer do it.
My sexuality is very different from others cds here and my wife, now, knows it, so she is doing different thing to please me that had actually open a new world of sexual experiences for her that to the moment, she really enjoys.

[flatlander_48]

V:

Glad things are going well and I hope that it will continue to be so for you and your wife.

DeeAnn

[heatherdress]

Vanessa - What are you looking for? You say you want to help others but it seems that you may be a situation that is very difficult. If you have been crossdressing and role playing as a sissy, and secretly involved with men, and still want to be sexually active with men, you are asking your wife to accept more than crossdressing. You need her first to forgive your infidelity and lies, and then you want her to be accepting of being a sissy and having sex with other men. I am not trying to in any way judge your actions. But it would seem to be asking a lot of any spouse to let their husband have sex with other men. Just because you are crossdressed and playing the role of a sissy doesn't mean you get a free pass for sex with others. Maybe your wife is OK and all will work out. Maybe you would be better off not married. I think you have a lot to work out. Good luck.

[Dana44]

Before i met my GF, I had sex with men and wow they are different. But I told my SO that I am BI and don't hold any secrets from her. Our relationship is great and we do enjoy life together. What more can one ask for? She is the best thing thing that has happened to me. So I am true to her.

[Krisi]

In my experience (and it's personal experience), having sex outside of a marriage usually leads to the end of the marriage. Having sex with men is probably worse than having sex with other women. I don't have any personal experience on that.

She may forgive you now, but she will never forget that you cheated and never forget that it was with men. In her mind, you are gay.

I wish you well, but my advice is to take things very slowly and give her time to understand your feelings.

[docrobbysherry]

I must agree with Heather above. I don't see why u continue to live with your wife? Seems like you'd both be better off living separately? U don't mention children, Vanessa. So I'm assuming at your age if u have any they r grown and don't live with u?

In my experience, (married and divorced. I'm 73), I have personally dealt with my ex wife's infidelity and that of a few married friends. In the same paragraph u mention how things r now terrific with your wife. With your dressing and in bed. And, that u think everything will be fine if u have continue having sex as Vanessa with strange men?

I don't know how things work in Chile but unless your wife is either completely clueless or burying her feelings, doing that will NOT be fine! I strongly suggest that u and your SO see an experienced, Spanish speaking, counselor ASAP. Your wife may feel safe opening up to the rite therapist. And u can, too. Otherwise, I don't believe u two can remain together for very long.

[Devi SM]

Heatherdress,
What I'm looking for? I'd been clear, just to share my experience for may be help and encourage others here to move forward and get out the closet at least with their wife.
I'm honest with my wife and of course I'm honest here.
I don't agree when some people here that says that they love dressing and be like a woman but they don't have desires to be or have sex with a man.
I'm talking from my own perspective, I can't understand that people, may be they don't have the courage to recognize it, I don't know, I'm not judging them just expressing my opinion.
There are others that confess they have the fantasy and haven't done the step into yet, others had had sex with men before knowing their SO and can't understand me.
I can't say that I don't have desire to lay with a man. Not because I confess everything to my wife my sexual desires change. I just promise her don't do it again because she doesn't want it, and I won't do it. She worth for me more than those adventures. there are more things that I don't do because I love her. She doesn't like horror movies so we do t watch horror movies because I don't want to watch a movie just by my own. There are more things that I don't do that I can live without them just for her.
I asked her forgiveness on it and she forgive me, of course she will never forgive, but that is part of the love we have each other.
I know that some of you are asking yourselves if I say I love her how I could cheat on her with other men. For me, I stated that in other thread, it's not cheating, sex with a man is completely different than with a women, so it doesn't diminish the pleasure I experience having sex with my wife. That is the meaning of bisexuality. But this is just my opinion.

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Docrobbysherry, I can understand how people get really easy into divorce. Easy economic independence, etc but there's something called love that not everybody understand. I can't live without my wife and she can't either, for that reason we've been married for 37 years. I expect support but not bad critics,
Thanks.

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Thanks Dana44.
Sex with men is different. I don't know any gay repented going back to be straight, lol. More than a joke, sexuality is broader from basic traditional standards of straight sex, for that reason we are lart of the LGBT community, even if we don't like it...

[char GG]

Look out, it may be a bumpy ride!

[Maria 60]

Sometimes to move on we have to clean the slate. It's good you told her and took the chance because the worst part of crossdressing is the secrets. It must of been very hard for you to open up.

[Sister Rachel]

I had sex with a man once, about 35 years ago ( not en femme, experimenting with " normal" gay sex) , but it was a fraught, edgy experience, didn't really enjoy it and I don't think my partner did either. Pretty much a drunken pick-up at a party and no further contact .. I had a few sexual liaisons with women that were similar around the same time
Did have some sissy/ submissive/ crossdressed gay fantasies from time to time but the sissy/ submissive/ crossdressed straight fantasies were always stronger.
Now I'm "pushing sixty" sexuality seems to be fading both ways, I was in touch with my inner woman a couple of days ago and suddenly my inner woman has joined my inner man in late middle age :-(

It's love that matters in the end, sex is just part of our physical lives.

[Devi SM]

Thanks for your comment to my thread Sister Rachel.
You're right, finally love is what counts.
Can you go deeper differentiating crossdressing gay fantasies than crossdressers straight fantasies?

[Vickie_CDTV]

Like Sherry said, based on others' experience this kind of thing never, ever ends well. I'd have a divorce lawyer on speed dial.

[Mykaa]

Yes I crossdress, Yes I have a fetish, am I attracted to men? No, Im attracted to both women and what they wear, that is me, Have I lived a solitary lonely life? Yes. I carried a lot till recently, shame, guilt, a difficult separation with 2 kids. I blamed myself to some degree for her leaving, I know she would have left despite whatever I am. I accepted myself recently, I have faced up to who/what I am, will this go away? No, I know that now. I have a had a very difficult life because of all this. Vanessa I think as others have said a counselor is something you should be looking into, not just for you but both of you. If you truly love her, do this.

[Devi SM]

Well, so far our experience has been wonderful. Yesterday's we went together to shopping a new dress for her for a wedding of my middle son, the last getting married. At the moment of underwear we both select for each other sexy panties, then at dinner time I told he to give her a surprise and I partially dress with a sexy short as a mini skirt, high heels a simple top without wig and and make up. She knew that yesterday I depilate my legs, so she compliment me about how soft they were and how tall I look, then we watch a movie but couldn't finish because we make love, wonderfully sexy and hot....
I think that so far I don't need to speed dial the lawyer...
Thank for the best and the bad wishes too...

[Sister Rachel]

Thanks for your comment to my thread Sister Rachel.
You're right, finally love is what counts.
Can you go deeper differentiating crossdressing gay fantasies than crossdressers straight fantasies?

That's got me thinking! So the answers won't be coming any time soon.

[stephambers32]

I hope it goes well for you, and your wife.