understanding where i am on the continum

[jenniferinsf]

girls

i am trying to reconcile my desires with the comments of my tolerant and mostly supporting wife.

as i read the various posts, i have come to conculsion that many if not most of you are reticent to go out into the world. i on the other hand wish to and do interact enn femme fully as much as i can. i can dress at home whenever, i can go out whenever (just not in the immediate area) and my wife and i have gone out together.

this is not enough for me...i just want to be en femme doing normal day to day things without the "making it a special act"

so in trying to understand where i fit in, can i ask, where you think you fit in on this scale:

a. do you only underdress at home only
b. do you only underdress and go out in drab
c. do you dress en femme at home when no one is around
d. do you dress en femme at home and your wife knows
e. do you dress up en femme and go out only late at night or where you do not expect to meet anybody
f. do you dress up en femme and go where there are lots of people but don't interact
g. do you dress up en femme and do daily things like grocery shop, get the car fixed, go to the movies, clothes shopping

i feel as if what i do is usual but get the sense that i am about the 90 percentile...it would help me understand my wife's position on my who i am

thanks so much

jennifer

[pamela7]

g. but then i have discovered that i'm trans. however, i did the everyday thing for a long time before this realisation.

[Nadine Spirit]

Level g for me. But it took some time..... oh and I suppose now, though I do not consider myself to be transexual, and have no interest in fully transitioning and living my life as a woman, I am beyond your scale.

[StarrOfDelite]

I am single (divorced) and live alone, so I'm not sure how relevant this response is to your question. I would fall somewhere in the f. to g. range. I dress en femme when I want to, and go to restaurants, malls, hiking, bicycling, and sports events.

I am not Out to my neighbors, family friends, and my children. My ex-wife knows that I crossdress, but doesn't know the extent.

However, having said that, I think that compared to most of the crossdressers whom I know, you are able to do a lot more dressing. I would agree that you are around the 90th percentile on the "Freedom to Crossdress Whenever and Wherever Scale."

I was curious about your statement that you were trying to reconcile your desires with the comments of your tolerant and mostly supportive wife. Am I correct in guessing that she believes that she is being very indulgent and sunderstanding, and you think you should have more freedom?

Also, you didn't indicate whether you are strongly interested in Passing, or whether you just want to be en femme out in the world irrespective of whether people see you as a woman or a man in a dress?

[Joni T]

No, to A and B. Never did/still don't understand the underdressing obsession. C thru F, yes. G, no.
Joni

[Jenniferathome]

..where you think you fit in on this scale:

a. do you only underdress at home only
b. do you only underdress and go out in drab
c. do you dress en femme at home when no one is around
d. do you dress en femme at home and your wife knows
e. do you dress up en femme and go out only late at night or where you do not expect to meet anybody
f. do you dress up en femme and go where there are lots of people but don't interact
g. do you dress up en femme and do daily things like grocery shop, get the car fixed, go to the movies, clothes shopping

...

a) no
b) no
c) rarely. usually to try something new n or experiment with some makeup technique
d) yes, and she'd be with me
e) no
f) no longer
g) yes. Like Nadine, it took time to get here, about 5 years from the time I told my wife. I prefer to not grocery shop or do the really mundane things because I am just trying to get this things done. I take it slower when I am dressed.

[Valery L]

I think I am close to g) at least. My roommates do not know about my crossdressing, neither my family. But almost anyone else I do not care. Must of my friends know, maybe all of my female friends. My girlfriend and my exgirlfriends know. And During weekends I just go out to the mall and supermarkets dressed. So I think I like and I can do normal activities fully dressed, I have interacted with many people while dressed so yeah, maybe it is g). However, at least in my case, it was not a gradual process, I just decided to go out dressed one day so it was a drastic change from the closet to crowded places to do normal things.

[Debra Russell]

c,d,f and g sometimes - ....tomorrow, hopefully g ............................. Debra

[Cheryl T]

I'm a G.
Where you feel you fit in is entirely up to you and not dependent on anyone else.
As for wanting to do everyday things and have it feel "normal". I think that just takes time and less thought. At first going out was exciting and even nerve wracking. Now it's as natural as anything else I do. Most of what I do is average, everyday things and nothing special. Yet I feel so much more comfortable doing them dressed than drab. I suppose I've become "average" and actually I like it that way.

[carhill2mn]

G fits my situation the best.

[suzanne]

Im a "f", venturing tentatively into "g". I go shopping quite a bit, even to hardware stores now. I think I'd go further if my wife didn't have a problem with "attracting attention" as she puts it. So, out of respect for her, I don't let the neighbors see me dressed, for example. When I'm going out, I wear a sweatsuit over my dress until I'm away from the neighborhood, then tear it off ASAP. I'm tired of hiding in this way, but many of us face varying levels of acceptance, and I feel this kind of compromise balances both of our needs.

[Nicolesmyth]

between f and g (but still closeted)

[Tracii G]

Deff a G here.

[jenniferinsf]

I am single (divorced) and live alone, so I'm not sure how relevant this response is to your question. I would fall somewhere in the f. to g. range. I dress en femme when I want to, and go to restaurants, malls, hiking, bicycling, and sports events.

I am not Out to my neighbors, family friends, and my children. My ex-wife knows that I crossdress, but doesn't know the extent.

However, having said that, I think that compared to most of the crossdressers whom I know, you are able to do a lot more dressing. I would agree that you are around the 90th percentile on the "Freedom to Crossdress Whenever and Wherever Scale."

I was curious about your statement that you were trying to reconcile your desires with the comments of your tolerant and mostly supportive wife. Am I correct in guessing that she believes that she is being very indulgent and sunderstanding, and you think you should have more freedom?

Also, you didn't indicate whether you are strongly interested in Passing, or whether you just want to be en femme out in the world irrespective of whether people see you as a woman or a man in a dress?

your are correct in your assumption, i am g+ but i guess i just want to be jennifer regardless of local...in and around the neighborhood etc etc rather than having to go "out" to be her. i believe i pass fairly well while at the same time with enough confidence if others notice. my wife, she says she would be happy with me as a woman, but i believe deep down inside me that she loves the man she married. plus, i have no interest in transitioning but have mentioned electrolisys and breast implants to her. both of which she shakes her head at. i am delighted to at this point in the survey to find other g+ girls

[Rachael Leigh]

Im one who dresses at home not necessarily all the way either and mostly before work with wife gone.
I also go out and now the wife has come to allow that but in truth I pushed for it. I go out and just do normal things shop do grocery shopping and for me as I told her I just enjoy it more being dressed. I usually interact now with anyone and for me its even better when I do because I feel i dont have to hide anything but just be me when out.
For me by doing it now it has helped make more sense of this part of me and it helps relieve any stress I use to have of not being open about my dressing

So D and G for me

[Pat]

I suppose going by your list, I'm a "g" -- unless we were supposed to respond to all of the alternatives. But I'm still a crossdresser -- in other words, if I'm presenting female I'm "g" but I don't present female all the time.

[Michelle 78]

G for me too, but still a bit F too as interacting is still early on for me, I am starting to do this though. I'm moving onto G all the time.

[Sarah Louise]

D for me, although I have been out once. To be honest, I didn't enjoy it that much as I was too worried about being clocked. I might try it again one day, but at the moment, I'm not really that bothered. I just like dressing up and taking photos!

[StarrOfDelite]

your are correct in your assumption, i am g+ but i guess i just want to be jennifer regardless of local...in and around the neighborhood etc etc rather than having to go "out" to be her. i believe i pass fairly well while at the same time with enough confidence if others notice. my wife, she says she would be happy with me as a woman, but i believe deep down inside me that she loves the man she married. plus, i have no interest in transitioning but have mentioned electrolisys and breast implants to her. both of which she shakes her head at. i am delighted to at this point in the survey to find other g+ girls

I don't know where the line on the mythological scale crosses-over from "Freedom to Crossdress Whenever and Wherever" to "Full-time," but breast implants would definitely seem to be just about the tipping point in my judgment. If your wife's already comfortable with you shaving, waxing or using depilatory cream, I don't see much reason to have issues with electrolysis, unless she objects on the expense involved.

I hate myself for playing curbstone psychologist on this site, but it certainly sounds to me that you want to be full-time in female presentation, and that dark thoughts might arise in her mind about hormones, and SRS as your final aim. Have you considered going to a counselor to discuss her reservations? I'm so accustomed to reading laments on this forum from CD's whose SO's are utterly and unalterably opposed to husbandly crossdressing that you should treat her like a one in a million GG.

Ahh! Probably said more than I should've, and apologize if I've been presumptive.

[JocelynJames]

I'm with Sarah. I like the idea of being a G but find its less stress on myself and the SO if I dress just at home. It is fine with her if I go and the one time I did she accompanied me. We'll see in the future.

[jenniferinsf]

I don't know where the line on the mythological scale crosses-over from "Freedom to Crossdress Whenever and Wherever" to "Full-time," but breast implants would definitely seem to be just about the tipping point in my judgment. If your wife's already comfortable with you shaving, waxing or using depilatory cream, I don't see much reason to have issues with electrolysis, unless she objects on the expense involved.

I hate myself for playing curbstone psychologist on this site, but it certainly sounds to me that you want to be full-time in female presentation, and that dark thoughts might arise in her mind about hormones, and SRS as your final aim. Have you considered going to a counselor to discuss her reservations? I'm so accustomed to reading laments on this forum from CD's whose SO's are utterly and unalterably opposed to husbandly crossdressing that you should treat her like a one in a million GG.

Ahh! Probably said more than I should've, and apologize if I've been presumptive.

curbside input is important...yes we have been to a counselor and my wife is one in a million and i need to balance the love and strength of our relationship with dampening my desires

[Jenny22]

"d". I also drive en femme day or night. See my "Driving while Pretty".

[Ressie]

There isn't a lettered choice that fits. Somewhere between C and F, subtract D because I don't have a wife. Starting to sound algebraic, my letter is x!

[rachelatshop]

Hi Jennifer, As you will discover this community is very diverse, and some times I don't feel that the girls responding are always representitive of the community as a whole, many of the persons (girls) like me just don't speak out. I am a cross dresser who doesn't have a gender identity different from my birth identity, but I love to dress when ever I can. I under dress almost every day and go to my work shop, I some times when my wife is not home I dress as a woman, and I have even go out fully dressed as a woman, where there was little or no chance of being caught. My wife knows but at this time doesn't wish to be a part of my hobby. She needs me as her big, hairy teddy bear. This is most likely of little help to you, as we are in a different place, but I did want you to know that the spectrum is quite varied. Hugs Rach

[Sister Rachel]

d. but having established my "rights", I don't often exercise them. I'm "out" to my wife ( of course ),my step-mother, ( but not my real mother, who may suspect and I don't think would be freaked) two of my half-sisters, my half-brother, two nieces, and a few good long-standing friends of both sexes. I've spent an evening and night dressed in the company of a very dear female friend but dealt with my nervousness by drinking FAR too much so in retrospect it wasn't a good experience