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Thread: Attractive, or "Meh - take it or leave it"

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Attractive, or "Meh - take it or leave it"

    Someone said something in a thread that is prompting my question. I don't want to take the thread off track so I'm asking here.

    Gendermutt, I'm quoting you but please know that I'm just using you as an example of sentiments I've read in this forum repeatedly. This isn't personal.

    Here's the snippet of Gendermutt's post:

    Quote Originally Posted by gendermutt View Post
    As I was doing so, I got a sudden feeling of wanting to wear what she was wearing, look like how she looked. ... It didn't take long at all for those feelings to start re surfacing. Imagining myself being one of the cheerleaders, I started noticing all the girls outfits...
    I'm assuming the girl at the bar was attractive and she had attractive clothes, the kind of girl that guys want to come onto. And cheerleaders are certainly cute in their cheerleader outfits that guys normally enjoy looking at.

    So for those of you who long to be the women you see, it is strictly women that you feel are attractive, or do you think you would have the same longing to look like say, an overweight girl in the library wearing nondescript clothes (baggy jeans and baggy Tshirt) with straggly hair and pimples, or a harried-looking mom who still has quite a gut from childbirth, chasing after her kids, wearing no makeup and a burp-stained baggy sweatshirt with sneakers. I'm creating these specific mental images to make sure that when you read this, you won't have in your mind's eye an attractive girl at the library or a cute young mom. I really would like to compare your reactions to attractive women vs women who are not particularly attractive.

    I've been trying to figure this out for a while. So would you want to also "be" that woman, if she is the type of woman that does not appeal or that people tend to ignore because there is no wow factor, or no factor at all, not even "not bad".
    Last edited by ReineD; 05-07-2016 at 08:07 PM.
    Reine

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    Senior Member Laura912's Avatar
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    This could be interesting. As with male self, which is far from the "hunk" status, I would want the female self to be pleasing, poised, intelligent, and at least a little attractive. Just as I have not let current male self go to far down hill, I would not want the female aspect to do that either. Yes, there are days of patched jeans and sloppy tee shirts but those are associated with getting tasks done. Actually, most people probably will not choose your library gal nor mother, because it is human nature to want to look attractive. Darn. I have taken the bait for one of those how many angels can dance on the head of a pin discussions. Still, your question may prompt some interesting insights.

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    Interesting post Reine, I (still) remember watching a TG documentary when I was a kid (like in the late 70s or early 80s) and the interviewer asked the TG (soon to be TS) woman being interviewed

    "But. ..what if you're....not pretty?"

    She simply smiled and immediately replied, "I don't care if I'm pretty, I just want people to see me as a woman ☺ "

    For me though, I'll be honest, if I ever do decide to jump off the pirate ship and climb aboard the love boat I'm pretty sure I'll be signing up for FFS!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    ...So for those of you who long to be the women you see,...
    Reine, is this directed at trans people or to the cross dressers who fantasize about "being" the woman they see?

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    Gold Member Dana44's Avatar
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    Reine, I find women attractive. However I like tall skinny ones who can dress quite well. That is a woman that I like to be. I'm tall, but I've had GF's taller than me. So, even though I am older I like to dress well and as well as some of them I had. Most of my GF's had a really great wow factor and I enjoyed it with her and I was her man. LOL but life caught up with me and it took me years to finally figure out what I was. My SO does dress up to go out with me and I tell her she looks pretty. Even if I'm dressed up and we go out as two gals. She sometimes tells m I am prettier but I say I cannot even be because she is a woman and I can't be that pretty.
    Part Time Girl

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    I don't think I've ever had that particular fantasy. I've appreciated what some people have worn, but without feelings of actually wanting to be them.

    DeeAnn

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    Dr. Girlfriend AmandaM's Avatar
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    For me, I asked myself these sorts of questions to determine the extent of my gender dysphoria. I determined that I am not TS even if sometimes I feel like I might be. The questions included, would I rather be an ugly old man, or ugly old woman? Answer: man. Would I want to be a woman if I was severely unattractive? Answer: no.

    Some might call this line of questions unfair. Ok, So I asked myself: Could I transition knowing I cannot be stealth. Answer: no. If I can't look and feel like a woman, I don't want to. I don't want to be in-between my whole life. I also wouldn't want to look like a "normal" woman if I was semi-unattractive.

    So, I had to think about my situation. Why do I have this sometimes overbearing desire to be a beautiful woman? A hot woman. A cheerleader, a French Maid, a surfer girl, a model, etc? Why do I fantasize at times being a hot woman having sex with either men or women, but never as a man doing that? Answer: My CDing and cross-gender feelings are probably a mixture. Some transitory TS feelings but not enough for transition or to self-identify as a woman, and a sexual fetish.

    If I could snap my fingers and be a total babe, I would. But that can't happen. What does that leave me with? It leaves me with accepting not ever being a babe and trying a transition, or, finding a way to accept myself as a male. Though it pains me to not try transitioning, I don't have an overwhelming desire to do so. I'm not going to commit suicide or something like that. I am left with trying to reconcile with my male self.

    Now that I have this view of myself. Yes, I feel I am not TS, and never was. I almost fooled myself. Some of my maleness has come back. I don't mind somehow any more. Yet, there are times I can't wait to dress and become that total babe in the mirror. So, I do. I guess my only conclusion is, I'm a typical True Transvestite.
    Last edited by AmandaM; 05-07-2016 at 08:54 PM.

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    Aspiring Member Mykaa's Avatar
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    So ReineD this strikes chord with me. What I feel when I see an attractive women dressed nice. I see her first most times, I think wow shes is really pretty, then I also see what shes wearing and think I really like that. So yes I wont say I dont think about wanting to look like her or emulate her, because a lot of times I do, I know I just dont have the figure for it to be honest, but it wont necessarily change the fact, I'll go emulate what Ive seen or try to. I honestly think that is part of what drives cding for me. I saw a young lady at lunch time friday, really attractive, brunette, petite, probly around 100 lbs, mind you Im not a big guy, Im 135 ish and skinny at 5' 9", so yes I do like small girls. She was wearing a dark high waisted pencil skirt with a tank type top, really nice figure, Rachel from friends type hair, wearing spring type fashion wedge sandals, this is not a look Id try to get for myself, I suppose the thing is I have large doubts whether Id be able to even get the time of day from a girl like that. in her case I saw her then checked out what she was wearing. Sometimes when I see footwear I like or clothing yes I will check that out without trying to be to obvious. So yes men are visually stimulated right? Yes Im a guy, I know what I like. I have at time fantasized what it might be like to be a beautiful woman, but Im not, Im me. Maybe someday I can find a woman who might possibly accept me, thats my hope. I did work on a young ladys car recently, the first time I saw her she was in knee high stiletto black boots and a knee length black skirt with a white top. I love that type look, so I saw her attire first and then her, she wasnt the prettiest woman I ever saw but I loved her style, I wanted to ask her out so badly, being on a new job I didnt think it was a good idea, Im sure we were close in age. I still think about her, I have been single while, can you tell? So yes for me I do like girly girls, I have dated a couple tom boyish types, Im not perfect by far, but If I could have my pick Id pick that type.
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    If you're asking the question as if seeing an attractive woman wearing cloths I like as a trigger for my wanting to dress or the pink fog as its called, then I would say yes. Seeing a woman I find unattractive and dressed sloppily generally doesn't have the same effect on me though. However seeing say an overweight but otherwise well dressed and made up woman will sometimes bring on thoughts of dressing too, so for me it seems to be about the cloths as much as the physical appearance. If I could magically become a smoking hot 20 something woman I would but in real life when I go out all I really hope for is to blend in or just be perceived as an ugly woman as opposed to a dude in a dress.

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    Reine,
    Almost every woman has something attractive about her, at least to me, and often I wish I just had that something and the confidence to carry off woman like they do. Of course, I would love to be a super model, though that covers the range from Giselle to Ashley Graham. But then every woman wishes she was more attractive, even those super models, so I don't feel guilty wishing I could be a more attractive woman.

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Thanks for all your answers so far!


    Quote Originally Posted by Jenniferathome View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    So for those of you who long to be the women you see,...
    Reine, is this directed at trans people or to the cross dressers who fantasize about "being" the woman they see?
    Anyone can answer this thread, although I am specifically asking the CDers who feel they want to "be" a particular woman they see when they see her. You know ... the members who feel or have felt this way, but who do not intend to live as women 24/7.

    If you do live as a woman 24/7, are in the process, or are planning to, would you mind saying so in your post, just so I can place all your answers in context.

    So to recap, the question is not how you choose to present when you dress (I'm assuming most of you want to present well) but rather, do the type of women that I've described above (the girl in the library and the harried mom) make you long to be them.
    Reine

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    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    With me I notice the attractive woman first. Usually it's her legs that get's my attention. Then, almost immediately, I notice what she's wearing (which is probably something feminine as her legs are on show). Therefore, it's just as much about admiring her clothes as it is for her female form. Sometimes, I might try and find an outfit that's similar to hers. So in a way, when I dress, I emulating her, but it's just as much as emulating all attractive feminine women rather than her specifically.

    In all honesty, I'm not influenced by the woman wearing nondescript clothes or the overweight mum in your example. But then isn't this similar for GG's? If you look at a clothes catalogue, it's full of attractive women modelling the clothes.

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah7391 View Post
    In all honesty, I'm not influenced by the woman wearing nondescript clothes or the overweight mum in your example. But then isn't this similar for GG's? If you look at a clothes catalogue, it's full of attractive women modelling the clothes.
    That's true, but it doesn't make the GGs want to be the model I don't think. Also, I should think if a GG isn't in the market for an outfit, seeing a pretty model wearing a dress will not make her run out and buy it. Generally speaking. Still, my favorite type of catalog lately (and thank goodness they're coming out with more and more of them), feature regularly sized models so their customers can see what the clothes really look like.
    Reine

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    Silver Member Sarah Louise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    That's true, but it doesn't make the GGs want to be the model I don't think.
    Good point, although for me, I don't want to 'be' the girl. I just want to look attractive and feminine like her. Isn't this the mindset that the catalogue company taps into? The woman browsing it thinks 'that looks good on her'. 'It could look good on me.' Subconsciously at least. I think this is how it works for me anyway!

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    Senior Member Amanda M's Avatar
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    I'm totally with Sarah on this!!
    If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Still, my favorite type of catalog lately (and thank goodness they're coming out with more and more of them), feature regularly sized models so their customers can see what the clothes really look like.
    This is why I <3 ModCloth.
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    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    I pick at pieces of my presentation, but I want to be me not someone else. I notice what other women are wearing and that influences what I buy for myself. I find something attractive in most of the women I see every day.

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    While it's only human to appreciate and strive for beauty, I certainly don't mind appearing nondescript; in fact I probably am most of the time (even when crossdressed, except in photos). Obviously, given the choice I would rather be blessed with exceptionally good facial looks on top of working towards a decent figure. But that isn't my choice to make.

    I'd say it's not too far off that, were I a teenaged girl just 5 years ago, I would still be a scrawny high-schooler with a pale face and unkempt hair - neither petite nor fair, and certainly not exactly pretty no matter how her spectacles try to redeem her.

    By all means, I'm okay with that; I have but the hand I was dealt with. I don't long to be a supermodel in appearance; neither do I wish to be the women that Reine has described. Although I do particularly look up to the mum and part of her beauty is in the gut and the burp stains. Whether or not she cleans up nicely is, in this light, the least of my concerns.

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    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah7391 View Post
    Good point, although for me, I don't want to 'be' the girl. I just want to look attractive and feminine like her. Isn't this the mindset that the catalogue company taps into?
    I don't think that most women want to look like the models. At all. We know we are different from the women we see in the catalogs. They're just mannequins. Don't forget, as women we don't find them attractive the way that men do. So over time we each develop our likes and dislikes, or a sense of what looks good on us given our body types and what we want that item for. So when we look online or in catalogs, there might be only a few things that appeal to our personal tastes and needs. It really has nothing to do with how the model looks since there are pages and pages of gorgeous clothes these same models wear, that a woman wouldn't buy because it isn't what she's after. For example I'm going on a trip and was looking for a knee length, black duster cardigan, something I can wear over jeans, skirts, leggings, as a beach cover-up, etc. I scoured the net until I found one at my price. My search was for something specific and the way the models looked in the dozens of dusters I saw had nothing to do with it. I saw many gorgeous dusters, all sorts of colors and fabrics, but none except the black one would do, no matter how attractive the models wearing them, because they weren't versatile enough for the clothes I plan to bring (one pair of jeans, one pair of khakis, one long skirt, 3 loose tops, a head scarf, underwear and a bathing suit).

    So, back to the thread topic:

    Your point about not wanting to be the girl - maybe "be the girl" is only one way of putting it and "being triggered" is another. Over my years here there have been many threads and many posts from CDers who said they felt triggered by attractive women who were dressed in clothing that appealed to them (whatever those styles may be). Some people have put it this way as well, "I wanted to be her more than be with her". This sentiment really is common in this forum although of course it doesn't apply to everyone. And so my question was mostly to the CDers who do feel this way ... I wanted to know if they would feel a similar trigger when encountering quite an ordinary girl who isn't dressed in appealing clothes, like the ones I described in my OP.
    Last edited by ReineD; 05-08-2016 at 05:02 AM.
    Reine

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    Aspiring Member AnnieMac's Avatar
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    No I would not

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    Silver Member Tina_gm's Avatar
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    This early in the morning, I have to get ready to go see my mom this afternoon, and ReineD is laying down the gauntlet . Well, I have one eye open and a half cup of coffee in me so here goes-

    I think that most of us when we see an attractive person, be it male or female wish/envy that person's looks to a degree. I know this may only be adding the confusion, or at least mine, but if say there was a magic pill that would not take any transgender feelings from my inner core, but a pill that would alter my appearance as a male to be a better looking male, bigger, more muscular. Or maybe be as good looking as say a Ryan Reynolds, I would still be very tempted to take that pill. Even though it would not help, maybe make the trans thing harder to deal with, as my appearance would be more masculine. Gaining on one side, loosing on the other. I would be equally tempted to take a pill that would allow me to look more feminine, and have the issue be reversed, easier for trans, harder yet to be a male.

    I am thinking that most people, cis people as much would have a certain envy over those who are of their gender, and think, I wish I looked like him/her. Not obsess over it, but just a small envy. 'oh how it would be nice to have her shape/hair/voice etc etc. Same goes for the guys I am sure... 'oh how it would be nice to have that full head of hair, muscularity, height, voice. I actually have encountered feeling both ways at a Trace Atkins concert once. I remember standing in line at a vendor before the show, seeing this short cute country girl, the feelings washing over me oh how I wish I was her, then seeing him onstage, he is a very tall man about 6'6" with a very deep voice, and thinking oh how I wish I was him. Hey, they call it genderfluid for a reason...

    It is not really feeling down on myself for who I am or how I look, but just an envy I think most people have to some degree to be a better looking person. IRL, I get people sometimes saying to me, (physical shape and ability) not bad for an old guy, I am in fairly decent shape which is a compliment and I take it as one, but inside, my competitive nature wants to be not bad for a 20 year old....

    One of the markers I suppose for not being TS would be that if I had to pick between being a very good looking man, or a not so good looking woman (society standards) overweight yadda yadda, I would pick the good looking guy. But I would also choose to be a good looking woman over a not so good looking man. I promise though, I am not obsessed on looks and I am not down on myself for my looks or someone who is considered to be not good looking.

    The answer for me in the end is, no, I would not just be any woman to be a woman. If that comes off as superficial then I guess I just have to plead guilty. This forum especially as of late seems to be rather harsh and judgmental (not all, but enough) over opinions like these, and I suppose I may be riling up some by the things I say. I am being honest. IRL, my friends are varied in just about every way. Looks, monetary status, employment, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, political beliefs. I really do not judge people like that. My honesty on here about how I would like to look, take that as however you wish.
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    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    What a great question I look at all women if I like what they are wearing I smile and dream it was me big, small, tall or short. The key for me is does it look good on them which makes me want to to be wearing it or be them. I'm going to be honest and say when I see a women not trying to look her best I also say why what a waste I sometimes say if i were her I wouldn't wear that. Connie

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    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    No, I wouldn't want to be an unattractive woman. Looking like an average woman might be OK, because there are many average looking women that are attractive (to me).
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

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    Member Nicolesmyth's Avatar
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    It's not a trigger for me, but more of a study. I don't look at the physical features of the woman but more the style. If I see a women (physically pretty or not) dressed in a particular outfit that I like then I add that to my mental library of looks that I may emulate "when" the desire to dress hits me. Just because I see her in an outfit I like doesn't trigger the desire for me to go home and dress.
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