Attractive, or "Meh - take it or leave it"

[ReineD]

Someone said something in a thread that is prompting my question. I don't want to take the thread off track so I'm asking here.

Gendermutt, I'm quoting you but please know that I'm just using you as an example of sentiments I've read in this forum repeatedly. This isn't personal.

Here's the snippet of Gendermutt's post:

As I was doing so, I got a sudden feeling of wanting to wear what she was wearing, look like how she looked. ... It didn't take long at all for those feelings to start re surfacing. Imagining myself being one of the cheerleaders, I started noticing all the girls outfits...

I'm assuming the girl at the bar was attractive and she had attractive clothes, the kind of girl that guys want to come onto. And cheerleaders are certainly cute in their cheerleader outfits that guys normally enjoy looking at.

So for those of you who long to be the women you see, it is strictly women that you feel are attractive, or do you think you would have the same longing to look like say, an overweight girl in the library wearing nondescript clothes (baggy jeans and baggy Tshirt) with straggly hair and pimples, or a harried-looking mom who still has quite a gut from childbirth, chasing after her kids, wearing no makeup and a burp-stained baggy sweatshirt with sneakers. I'm creating these specific mental images to make sure that when you read this, you won't have in your mind's eye an attractive girl at the library or a cute young mom. I really would like to compare your reactions to attractive women vs women who are not particularly attractive.

I've been trying to figure this out for a while. So would you want to also "be" that woman, if she is the type of woman that does not appeal or that people tend to ignore because there is no wow factor, or no factor at all, not even "not bad".

[Laura912]

This could be interesting. As with male self, which is far from the "hunk" status, I would want the female self to be pleasing, poised, intelligent, and at least a little attractive. Just as I have not let current male self go to far down hill, I would not want the female aspect to do that either. Yes, there are days of patched jeans and sloppy tee shirts but those are associated with getting tasks done. Actually, most people probably will not choose your library gal nor mother, because it is human nature to want to look attractive. Darn. I have taken the bait for one of those how many angels can dance on the head of a pin discussions. Still, your question may prompt some interesting insights.

[Zooey]

An excellent question...

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[AmandaM]

For me, I asked myself these sorts of questions to determine the extent of my gender dysphoria. I determined that I am not TS even if sometimes I feel like I might be. The questions included, would I rather be an ugly old man, or ugly old woman? Answer: man. Would I want to be a woman if I was severely unattractive? Answer: no.

Some might call this line of questions unfair. Ok, So I asked myself: Could I transition knowing I cannot be stealth. Answer: no. If I can't look and feel like a woman, I don't want to. I don't want to be in-between my whole life. I also wouldn't want to look like a "normal" woman if I was semi-unattractive.

So, I had to think about my situation. Why do I have this sometimes overbearing desire to be a beautiful woman? A hot woman. A cheerleader, a French Maid, a surfer girl, a model, etc? Why do I fantasize at times being a hot woman having sex with either men or women, but never as a man doing that? Answer: My CDing and cross-gender feelings are probably a mixture. Some transitory TS feelings but not enough for transition or to self-identify as a woman, and a sexual fetish.

If I could snap my fingers and be a total babe, I would. But that can't happen. What does that leave me with? It leaves me with accepting not ever being a babe and trying a transition, or, finding a way to accept myself as a male. Though it pains me to not try transitioning, I don't have an overwhelming desire to do so. I'm not going to commit suicide or something like that. I am left with trying to reconcile with my male self.

Now that I have this view of myself. Yes, I feel I am not TS, and never was. I almost fooled myself. Some of my maleness has come back. I don't mind somehow any more. Yet, there are times I can't wait to dress and become that total babe in the mirror. So, I do. I guess my only conclusion is, I'm a typical True Transvestite.

[Robin414]

Interesting post Reine, I (still) remember watching a TG documentary when I was a kid (like in the late 70s or early 80s) and the interviewer asked the TG (soon to be TS) woman being interviewed

"But. ..what if you're....not pretty?"

She simply smiled and immediately replied, "I don't care if I'm pretty, I just want people to see me as a woman ☺ "

For me though, I'll be honest, if I ever do decide to jump off the pirate ship and climb aboard the love boat I'm pretty sure I'll be signing up for FFS!

[Jenniferathome]

...So for those of you who long to be the women you see,...

Reine, is this directed at trans people or to the cross dressers who fantasize about "being" the woman they see?

[ReineD]

Thanks for all your answers so far!

So for those of you who long to be the women you see,...

Reine, is this directed at trans people or to the cross dressers who fantasize about "being" the woman they see?

Anyone can answer this thread, although I am specifically asking the CDers who feel they want to "be" a particular woman they see when they see her. You know ... the members who feel or have felt this way, but who do not intend to live as women 24/7.

If you do live as a woman 24/7, are in the process, or are planning to, would you mind saying so in your post, just so I can place all your answers in context.

So to recap, the question is not how you choose to present when you dress (I'm assuming most of you want to present well) but rather, do the type of women that I've described above (the girl in the library and the harried mom) make you long to be them.

[Sarah Louise]

With me I notice the attractive woman first. Usually it's her legs that get's my attention. Then, almost immediately, I notice what she's wearing (which is probably something feminine as her legs are on show). Therefore, it's just as much about admiring her clothes as it is for her female form. Sometimes, I might try and find an outfit that's similar to hers. So in a way, when I dress, I emulating her, but it's just as much as emulating all attractive feminine women rather than her specifically.

In all honesty, I'm not influenced by the woman wearing nondescript clothes or the overweight mum in your example. But then isn't this similar for GG's? If you look at a clothes catalogue, it's full of attractive women modelling the clothes.

[ReineD]

In all honesty, I'm not influenced by the woman wearing nondescript clothes or the overweight mum in your example. But then isn't this similar for GG's? If you look at a clothes catalogue, it's full of attractive women modelling the clothes.

That's true, but it doesn't make the GGs want to be the model I don't think. Also, I should think if a GG isn't in the market for an outfit, seeing a pretty model wearing a dress will not make her run out and buy it. Generally speaking. Still, my favorite type of catalog lately (and thank goodness they're coming out with more and more of them), feature regularly sized models so their customers can see what the clothes really look like.

[Sarah Louise]

That's true, but it doesn't make the GGs want to be the model I don't think.

Good point, although for me, I don't want to 'be' the girl. I just want to look attractive and feminine like her. Isn't this the mindset that the catalogue company taps into? The woman browsing it thinks 'that looks good on her'. 'It could look good on me.' Subconsciously at least. I think this is how it works for me anyway!

[Zooey]

Still, my favorite type of catalog lately (and thank goodness they're coming out with more and more of them), feature regularly sized models so their customers can see what the clothes really look like.

This is why I <3 ModCloth.

[Taylor186]

do the type of women that I've described above (the girl in the library and the harried mom) make you long to be them.

Like Ronda, I don't want to 'be' the attractive woman I see who is dressed stylishly, but I might think I wish I looked more like that person or I might wish I could rock that outfit the way she rocks that outfit. I would need to know much more about someone before I would actually think about trading places, not that that is possible.

And to answer your question specifically, I never long to be or emulate a plain or unattractive woman, (or man for that matter).

As Meredith I would not want to be a woman if I didn't pass completely and like GM I don't want to be a women just to be a woman.

[Kate T]

Carly

Not sure you realise exactly how many women, cis or trans, find your last post judgemental and offensive.

Pretty much all of us.

[Georgette_USA]

Reine

Liked your question. Put me in the fully transitioned to woman for 40 years now.

When I was young and thinking on all this. I would have traded places with either woman. I have always felt I was a plain looking woman, but that is what RLE is for, to see if you can pass as just another woman. But others that have seen older pics, and one that actually knew and saw me back then, they claim I was pretty don't see it myself.

Thru my own personal problems, ended up that overweight and plain clothes woman. I have lost some weight, and have changed my clothing styles. Like that some places that deal with "PLUS" size woman, are using others to show that WE come in all sizes and shapes.

Never was big on the idea of being a mother, but if that could happen I could live with that also.

[Michelle (Oz)]

Saw a mid teens girl and her friend while having lunch with a GG friend last Friday. She was the epitome of what I'd want to have looked like if I was young and female - long blond hair, slim sporty figure in a simple but stylish dress. Envious? Yep, 3 envies actually - age, looks and female. "Aren't we all" was my friend's response. In both our cases, admiration and envy are quite different to wanting to be her.

Yes, looks are important to me and guide my dressing style. I am happy being the female I see in the mirror.

[Dana44]

Reine, I find women attractive. However I like tall skinny ones who can dress quite well. That is a woman that I like to be. I'm tall, but I've had GF's taller than me. So, even though I am older I like to dress well and as well as some of them I had. Most of my GF's had a really great wow factor and I enjoyed it with her and I was her man. LOL but life caught up with me and it took me years to finally figure out what I was. My SO does dress up to go out with me and I tell her she looks pretty. Even if I'm dressed up and we go out as two gals. She sometimes tells m I am prettier but I say I cannot even be because she is a woman and I can't be that pretty.

[flatlander_48]

I don't think I've ever had that particular fantasy. I've appreciated what some people have worn, but without feelings of actually wanting to be them.

DeeAnn

[Marguarite]

Reine,
My first thought is no matter what the GG looked like, I could work with that. I'd trade bodies, become the woman and work towards
what I would want to look like. After all, what I am working with now is not great and I will never be where I want to be.
I found it interesting that the only response that I agreed the most with, was Melissa Rose, who is trans. I have not admitted to myself
exactly where in this diverse community my feelings align.

[Mykaa]

So ReineD this strikes chord with me. What I feel when I see an attractive women dressed nice. I see her first most times, I think wow shes is really pretty, then I also see what shes wearing and think I really like that. So yes I wont say I dont think about wanting to look like her or emulate her, because a lot of times I do, I know I just dont have the figure for it to be honest, but it wont necessarily change the fact, I'll go emulate what Ive seen or try to. I honestly think that is part of what drives cding for me. I saw a young lady at lunch time friday, really attractive, brunette, petite, probly around 100 lbs, mind you Im not a big guy, Im 135 ish and skinny at 5' 9", so yes I do like small girls. She was wearing a dark high waisted pencil skirt with a tank type top, really nice figure, Rachel from friends type hair, wearing spring type fashion wedge sandals, this is not a look Id try to get for myself, I suppose the thing is I have large doubts whether Id be able to even get the time of day from a girl like that. in her case I saw her then checked out what she was wearing. Sometimes when I see footwear I like or clothing yes I will check that out without trying to be to obvious. So yes men are visually stimulated right? Yes Im a guy, I know what I like. I have at time fantasized what it might be like to be a beautiful woman, but Im not, Im me. Maybe someday I can find a woman who might possibly accept me, thats my hope. I did work on a young ladys car recently, the first time I saw her she was in knee high stiletto black boots and a knee length black skirt with a white top. I love that type look, so I saw her attire first and then her, she wasnt the prettiest woman I ever saw but I loved her style, I wanted to ask her out so badly, being on a new job I didnt think it was a good idea, Im sure we were close in age. I still think about her, I have been single while, can you tell? So yes for me I do like girly girls, I have dated a couple tom boyish types, Im not perfect by far, but If I could have my pick Id pick that type.

[Katie83]

Interesting question. For me it is more about the style rather than the attractiveness. No, I wouldn't want to be the unattractive, overweight frumpy mother in baggy burp stained clothes. The issue I have with that image is the choice of style and lack of effort for their appearance. Everyone can make the best of what they have male or female. As a male there are things I wouldn't choose about my features, loosing my hair and my nose to name a couple. But these things don't mean I have to over eat, where dirty clothes and look generally messy all the time. Everyone has the option to make the best of what they have. So, I wouldn't be the flustered mother, I would want to be the neat, well dressed mother. Attractiveness doesn't come into it for me.

[Michelle colson]

If you're asking the question as if seeing an attractive woman wearing cloths I like as a trigger for my wanting to dress or the pink fog as its called, then I would say yes. Seeing a woman I find unattractive and dressed sloppily generally doesn't have the same effect on me though. However seeing say an overweight but otherwise well dressed and made up woman will sometimes bring on thoughts of dressing too, so for me it seems to be about the cloths as much as the physical appearance. If I could magically become a smoking hot 20 something woman I would but in real life when I go out all I really hope for is to blend in or just be perceived as an ugly woman as opposed to a dude in a dress.

[daphne_L]

Reine,
Almost every woman has something attractive about her, at least to me, and often I wish I just had that something and the confidence to carry off woman like they do. Of course, I would love to be a super model, though that covers the range from Giselle to Ashley Graham. But then every woman wishes she was more attractive, even those super models, so I don't feel guilty wishing I could be a more attractive woman.

[Lily Catherine]

While it's only human to appreciate and strive for beauty, I certainly don't mind appearing nondescript; in fact I probably am most of the time (even when crossdressed, except in photos). Obviously, given the choice I would rather be blessed with exceptionally good facial looks on top of working towards a decent figure. But that isn't my choice to make.

I'd say it's not too far off that, were I a teenaged girl just 5 years ago, I would still be a scrawny high-schooler with a pale face and unkempt hair - neither petite nor fair, and certainly not exactly pretty no matter how her spectacles try to redeem her.

By all means, I'm okay with that; I have but the hand I was dealt with. I don't long to be a supermodel in appearance; neither do I wish to be the women that Reine has described. Although I do particularly look up to the mum and part of her beauty is in the gut and the burp stains. Whether or not she cleans up nicely is, in this light, the least of my concerns.

[Lori Kurtz]

The fetish aspect of crossdressing is the biggest part of what it was all about for me. I loved being a curvaceous woman who was proud of her body and wore tight short skirts and tight tops to show it off. Seeing any such woman was a trigger for me. As a male, I found that the visual stimulus would fill me with desire to have her (as Mother Nature intended). But as a crossdresser, I would also experience the desire to look like that, and to make other men feel the way she made me feel (and I don't know what the heck Mother Nature thinks of that). Now that I'm into my 70s, I still enjoy the appearance of women (and men who make themselves look like women), but I am not likely to become an active dresser again, because I can't possibly make myself look the way I used to. In many cases, women my own age or close to it can be attractive, but somehow, the sexual element of the attraction isn't so strong, and fails to fuel my crossdressing urges. Likewise for otherwise average-looking women of any age. I might find such a woman attractive in a way, based on personality or sense of humor or whatever, but there is no powerful sexual charge, and no triggering of an urge to dress up. I still have crossdressing fantasies, but at this point that's all in my head (and ... well, in another part of my body too), but it doesn't involve any actual feminine garments.

[Connie D50]

What a great question I look at all women if I like what they are wearing I smile and dream it was me big, small, tall or short. The key for me is does it look good on them which makes me want to to be wearing it or be them. I'm going to be honest and say when I see a women not trying to look her best I also say why what a waste I sometimes say if i were her I wouldn't wear that. Connie