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  1. #1
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    Question help! I am a lesbian stuck in crossdressing mans body

    what can a Tgurl do?
    I can not take it any more.
    i dread carrying the burdon.

    A LIPSTICK LESBIAN not the butch queen are butch lesbian type.
    Last edited by summerbunny; 05-07-2016 at 10:48 PM.

  2. #2
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    No. If you are a dude, then you are a hetero male.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
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    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    A Lipstick Lesbian in a TG/CD person can work out. It can take time and some putting yourself out there for some turn downs.


    Also know some MtF TG/TS that are transitioning in a more or less Lesbian affair. After HRT the male parts become somewhat irrelevant to some.

    Being a BI/Pan Lipstick Lesbian myself, I can understand the frustration. I don't want to restrict myself to just woman, but would like to try the same with TG/CD types myself.
    Last edited by Georgette_USA; 05-08-2016 at 05:08 PM. Reason: Personal Information

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    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    I would suggest talking to a therapist so that you can get started on HRT.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Sara Jessica View Post
    No. If you are a dude, then you are a hetero male.
    not necessarily. some of us around the boards are definitely TS but needed time to figure that out. The OP is attracted to women and she says she is trans so that makes her a lesbian.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  5. #5
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    "Lesbian" can be an odd term here. The term is used to describe women (with female bodies) attracted to other women (with female bodies). So the term refers to one’s body more than one’s gender identity.

    But in this community, some members who feel an attraction to being feminine without making plans to live as a woman full time, take it this qualifies them to call themselves women. They can certainly refer to themselves as women, but the people they deal with every day won’t see them as women and so they’ll be confused (.. if the person calling themselves a woman or lesbian presents as a male).

    Since you say in your thread title that you're a crossdresser, I'm assuming this means you plan on retaining your male body. If this is the case, sorry but you're not lesbian. If you don't want to call yourself hetero (which implies a man attracted to a woman), then why don't you simply say that you are "female-attracted", which you indeed are. Unlike the term "lesbian", saying you are "female-attracted" only identifies who you are attracted to - not who you are - and so saying you are "female-attracted" can apply whether you are a man, a woman, in between, both, or none of those.

    Or, if you enjoy fantasizing about being a lesbian, then go ahead, but this is different than actually being one. If you ever do decide that you are not a CDer but are indeed transsexual and you end up getting the surgeries, legal name change, and living as a woman 24/7, then it would be more accurate to describe yourself as a lesbian.
    Last edited by ReineD; 05-08-2016 at 02:10 PM.
    Reine

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    "Lesbian" can be an odd term here. The term is used to describe women (with female bodies) attracted to other women (with female bodies). So the term refers to one’s body more than one’s gender identity.
    Since you say in your thread title that you're a crossdresser, I'm assuming this means you plan on retaining your male body. If this is the case, sorry but you're not lesbian.
    If you ever do decide that you are not a CDer but are indeed transsexual and you end up getting the surgeries, legal name change, and living as a woman 24/7, then it would be more accurate to describe yourself as a lesbian.
    I am glad it takes a Female at Birth "GG" to say such things.

    This is one of the many things I have had to re-think since coming back to the Trans community. Have had to change my old ways of thinking on many things.

    I have heard many say they are Lesbian, but may not have had the full surgeries. I have thought it would be elitist of me to pass judgement on others. So many say that some TG/TS act or talk like if others don't do it all, we are passing judgement.

    My early life, there was only one way to become and have the legal privilege of being a woman. I did all the above, because that was the only way I knew of.
    I guess as you say one could be a fantasy Lesbian. I think that is what I thought of myself prior to surgeries. There was NO male in my boy parts. I could only fantasize having FtF sex.

    Also have problems with some men subverting female anatomy naming to their own uses. I am a very literal person at times and will use the proper naming for body parts. But will bite my tongue when others do this, if it makes them feel whatever.

  7. #7
    Member Matia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    "Lesbian" can be an odd term here. The term is used to describe women (with female bodies) attracted to other women (with female bodies). So the term refers to one’s body more than one’s gender identity.
    .
    I have a male body and I am definitely a lesbian. I am attracted to women, while I perceive my gender a woman too. In reality it means, that sex when I am in a role of a man "hetero relationship" it just doesn't work , or it barely does. While when I live as a woman, and I am perceived as one, sex does work great. I don't think it's about the body at all.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Virginia1983's Avatar
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    Understand - I'm completely uninterested in women, other than how they dress and act - and their husbands Most especially their husbands LOL.
    Every inch a lady!

  9. #9
    I am a meat popsicle ariannavt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDanielle View Post
    I would suggest talking to a therapist so that you can get started on HRT.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]



    not necessarily. some of us around the boards are definitely TS but needed time to figure that out. The OP is attracted to women and she says she is trans so that makes her a lesbian.

    I agree! It can take a LOT of time to figure it out. In high school I, jokingly, many times referred to myself as a lesbian. I then proceeded to live my life as male up until the age of 37. At which point everything in my life sort of clicked, and I realized I was TS.
    - Arianna

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    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDanielle View Post
    not necessarily. some of us around the boards are definitely TS but needed time to figure that out. The OP is attracted to women and she says she is trans so that makes her a lesbian.
    Hey, I'm as TS as anyone around here but given my commitment to NOT transitioning, I'm not going to run around claiming to be a lesbian. That is just plain silly. The term is thrown about these pages with way too much ease.

    It is a stretch enough for many of us to refer to ourselves and others as "she" but I wouldn't have that any other way. It makes sense based on how we identify and present to the outside world (whether IRL, in pictures and/or in writing). But to use "lesbian" based on how we identify? I'm sorry but if you live as a male and have dude parts which you are using those with a female, you are kind of/sort of/perhaps totally/undoubtedly a hetero male.

    Transitioned or transitioning? That is an entirely different conversation altogether. Many on the CD'er side of the fence describe themselves as lesbians because it just seems so cool. Nonsense.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  11. #11
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    I find the" I'm a Lesbian " comment from a CDer a bit silly too.

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    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Am I on trial for perjury? What's the penalty if you find me guilty? Banishment? This reminds me of my GF last year. She was always accusing me of lying, when I said I wasn't attracted to men or I couldn't remember my (fleeting, trivial) thoughts from the previous ten minutes or so.

    It embarrasses me to identify as male, because it feels absurd for me, i.e. dishonest. But I don't need to dress up my vehicle/body to be aware of my feminine identity. I often have a strong desire to dress it up, so it looks better and makes me feel more authentic, but so far it doesn't seem to be a "need". My need is mainly for "female" or Lesbian companionship. Apparently, Teresa understands some of this.
    Last edited by LelaK; 05-12-2016 at 07:12 AM.
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    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Fascinating discussion. It has always been a fantasy of mine to be intimate with a GG while dressed as a woman. I am not attracted to other men even other CDs in any kind of sexual way. So, I guess I've always thought of myself as - at least - a fantasy male lesbian. Now After reading this, I guess I'm just a hetero CD. So now I know what pigeon hole I am in.

  14. #14
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lacey New View Post
    So, I guess I've always thought of myself as - at least - a fantasy male lesbian. Now After reading this, I guess I'm just a hetero CD. So now I know what pigeon hole I am in.
    My opinion? "Fantasy lesbian" is perfectly OK! It's good to have fantasies. But saying just "lesbian" is confusing when someone identifies as a male CDer. IMO.
    Reine

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    Senior Member Melissa Rose's Avatar
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    Fantasy lesbian - I love it!

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    The obsession with sex. Wow!!

    Personally I think anyone who uses the terms "male lesbian" or "lipstick lesbian" has such a male sexual view of relationships that you make the terms almost meaningless. "Lipstick lesbian" is a derogatory term coined and typically used by mainstream male dominated media as a put down. I doubt you will find many female attracted women who genuinely and personally call themselves "lipstick lesbians". Most of the female attracted women and couples I know just refer to each other as partners and frankly DON'T talk about their "sexuality" at all. Because we are sick and tired of being defined by our sexuality and who we are attracted to. There is no special label for men who are attracted to women or women who are attracted to men, or at least certainly not one used in general social conversation. Stop trying to label stuff with meaningless labels.

  17. #17
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    .
    Since you say in your thread title that you're a crossdresser, I'm assuming this means you plan on retaining your male body. If this is the case, sorry but you're not lesbian. .
    .
    I have to echo Reine's post as she hit the nail on the head with the quoted post. At the end of the day it all boils down to how you self identify.

    You say your a lesbian stuck in a cross dressing mans body, what does that mean to you? Does that mean that you identify as a woman internally? Do you feel that your gender identity is female?

    Or do you simply see yourself as a male identified CD'er that is attracted to women? In this case sorry but your not a lesbian.

    And as for the stuck comment, it is never to late to live an authentic life but you have to be willing to put in the work and stop dreaming, it's freekin hard work and that does not include living inside your head dreaming....

  18. #18
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    Summerbunny,
    I've read Reine's answer, it should ring totally true but somehow it doesn't.
    I've had gender counseling to get to the bottom of my feelings, I explained to her how my CDing started and the dreams I had at the time. She consulted with other members of her team before coming back with the answer that my male and female side were in conflict and the female side was trying to take control. I lived with the feelings for so many years before coming to terms with this, so now the nearest description I can come to is a male lesbian, my counselor saw no problem with that after we had gone through all this. I know I'm just on the male side of TS, the important point is it doesn't tear me apart anymore now I know and understand this, I do accept that any thoughts on transition have come too late in life, the important thing is I can look back on my male life and say I've done a good enough job and can be satisfied with it. Transition now would take most of that away and possibly leave me with nothing, so I choose to put to put the satisfaction of that before my gender needs.

    In either mode I would still be attracted to women, a male relationship doesn't come into it, I wouldn't worry about what particular style you think you might be just try and come to terms with how you feel .
    Last edited by Teresa; 05-08-2016 at 09:21 AM.

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    Oh dear!

    If you honestly believe you are a Lesbian then you have to be at the very least TS as in female identified.

    A previous post doesn't strike me that you are TS?
    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    Thanks, Di. So far, I only have an occasional strong desire to CD. And, as I showed, that's defined as a fetish. Some say it progresses, but I don't know that it does. It has progressed for me when I'm alone, but it didn't when I had a GF; it regressed. And some have said they stopped crossdressing entirely. So I think it's honest for me to say at this point that it's a fetish for me. My self-image is more feminine, but women seem to like the way gay men dress, so that doesn't seem to matter.
    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    I don't really consider it a definite need, but a desire, so I should more accurately say I occasionally have "a strong desire for something", namely, crossdressing.
    If you feel there is more to this than we appear to be reading then by all means come to the TS section and introduce yourself, if you don't see yourself as TS then stop this nonsence.

  20. #20
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    Summerbunny, then join the TS part of the forum and start dialogue with the rest of us like you :-)
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    So you are a genetic male, calling yourself a cross dresser, and yet you are making a distinction that you are certain stereotype of a group of women? The nature of stereotypes is that they are based on external visuals. YOU don't get to decide how people perceive you. If you were really a lesbian you would not distinguish the visual, you'd just be. This only proves you are not a lesbian.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Melissa Rose's Avatar
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    As others have said and using a more literal definition of lesbian, you are not a lesbian. If you identify as male and are attracted only to women or to men and women then you are a bi- or heterosexual male regardless of how you are dressed. Gender expression is disconnected from sexual orientation. You may fantasize about being a woman and being with another woman in a sexual manner, but fantasy is not reality. It is the combination of your biological sex and gender identity that is connected to your sexual orientation.

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    I agree with Melissa on this one.
    You sound a bit confused.

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    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    My Body is NOT Me. It's my vehicle that was given to me. I'm the Driver. The Driver is Female or Feminine, driving a Masculine vehicle. The Driver is attracted to other Females and is therefore a Lesbian.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  25. #25
    Krysten Krystenw's Avatar
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    I am complete and totally me.
    The thought of being with a man sickens me almost as much as starting to dress as one again.
    My wife of 42 years and I have never been happier.
    Sorry, I guess I don't go for labels.

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