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Thread: help! I am a lesbian stuck in crossdressing mans body

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    I'm a real Lesbian, and I'm not insulted.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  2. #27
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    OK Lela, whatever.

    Let me know how it goes the next time you meet a woman you're interested in dating, and you tell her you are a lesbian.
    Reine

  3. #28
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    This is the Internet where we can be whatever we want to be. I am a retired major league baseball star with several hitting records. I also used to be a big rock and roll star.

    Seriously though, I know (am related to) a couple "real" lesbians and I don't think they would be amused by someone who straps on a pair of boobs and a wig from time to time and calls himself a lesbian. Internet or not.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member Georgette_USA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    And, although there probably aren't any actual lesbians reading this forum, your post is insulting to "real" lesbians.
    I will assume you mean any FAB "GG" type Lesbians. I sure hate all these terms and constantly re-defining them to suit themselves.

    I am definitely a "real" Lesbian, with BI tendencies. Not all Lesbians are exclusively such from day one, chat with some that have had or still have sex with men. I had affairs with other Lesbians years ago, and my partner and I lived as two Lesbians for 38 years.
    I know of others like myself that had and are still in Lesbian affairs.

    I don't feel overly insulted by the posters and others on their idea of being a Lesbian, just questioning how that works for them. If it makes you feel comfortable with your self, GOOD LUCK with most "real" Lesbians. All the other Lesbians I chat with, and what I have done with, do things that someone with "male" parts cannot do. Which is what I think Reine was getting at.

  5. #30
    Aspiring Member MissDanielle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krisi View Post
    You are a male crossdresser who is sexually attracted to females. Most of us here are exactly that. You are not and cannot be a "lesbian" unless you make up a new definition for the term. And, although there probably aren't any actual lesbians reading this forum, your post is insulting to "real" lesbians.
    And there are those lesbians who were born with the wrong body but just needed time to figure things out before transitioning and starting HRT.

    I'm finding that I identity more with the TS section of the forum than this section.
    I'm a nice Jewish girl.

    I'm not a girl, Not yet a woman.

  6. #31
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDanielle View Post
    And there are those lesbians who were born with the wrong body but just needed time to figure things out before transitioning and starting HRT.
    MissDanielle, you mention transitioning. I don't think that anyone is saying that female-attracted trans women are not lesbians.

    This thread was started by a male-identified crossdresser. Two different gender identities.
    Reine

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    OK Lela, whatever.

    Let me know how it goes the next time you meet a woman you're interested in dating, and you tell her you are a lesbian.
    You sound kind of sarcastic. Am I right?

    As for: "This thread was started by a male-identified crossdresser. Two different gender identities" - my impression is that she was describing herself first from her own view and then from others' view of her, i.e. her view: lesbian; others' view: male crossdresser.
    Last edited by LelaK; 05-10-2016 at 10:33 AM.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  8. #33
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Yes, there was a touch of sarcasm there.

    You are looking for a new girlfriend, and getting a new girlfriend is more important than dressing?? If you define yourself as a lesbian to a new girlfriend, she will not see you as one, no matter how much you say you are, just like she will not believe that grass is orange when you tell her that it is. On the other hand, if you were transitioned - with the surgeries, legal markers changed, having lived full time as a woman for some years with no one perceiving you as a male, then you would be perceived as a lesbian because you would have been perceived as a woman for quite some time.

    However, you can certainly call yourself a lesbian and still live your life as a man if you want to. That's up to you. But your definition of the word will differ from your new girlfriend's definition, and so what would be the point.
    Reine

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    "However, you can certainly call yourself a lesbian and still live your life as a man if you want to. That's up to you. But your definition of the word will differ from your new girlfriend's definition, and so what would be the point."[?]

    I don't consider myself to be living as a man. I'm okay with my GF disagreeing with definitions, if she wants to. I'm okay with people not understanding me too. Just so I get a compatible GF.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  10. #35
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    Oh dear!

    If you honestly believe you are a Lesbian then you have to be at the very least TS as in female identified.

    A previous post doesn't strike me that you are TS?
    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    Thanks, Di. So far, I only have an occasional strong desire to CD. And, as I showed, that's defined as a fetish. Some say it progresses, but I don't know that it does. It has progressed for me when I'm alone, but it didn't when I had a GF; it regressed. And some have said they stopped crossdressing entirely. So I think it's honest for me to say at this point that it's a fetish for me. My self-image is more feminine, but women seem to like the way gay men dress, so that doesn't seem to matter.
    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    I don't really consider it a definite need, but a desire, so I should more accurately say I occasionally have "a strong desire for something", namely, crossdressing.
    If you feel there is more to this than we appear to be reading then by all means come to the TS section and introduce yourself, if you don't see yourself as TS then stop this nonsence.

  11. #36
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    Lelak,
    I'm inclined to agree with you on this one, I feel the same as you , if others don't get what we feel inside then there's nothing we can do about it.
    I had to dig deep with my counselor to get to the bottom of it and when she consulted the rest of the team they had to agree the nearest description was male lesbian. Whether it is a recognised term I feel I understand that part of me, I am content knowing it ties all the pieces together in my mind. A female side of me is attracted to women, I partly dress to attract a woman. OK I accept that's a rarity to find a GG that does like it but it doesn't change how I feel. I have been harshly criticized at times for pushing the issue of wanting to share my Cding with my wife, but it's like a double dose of affection for a woman, my male side is naturally attracted and also my female side is.
    In a discussion with my wife she obviously said she's not a lesbian, in reply I said no but I partly am, a point she made on another occasion of accepting in my brain I am part female.
    Last edited by Teresa; 05-11-2016 at 01:59 PM.

  12. #37
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    I don't consider myself to be living as a man. I'm okay with my GF disagreeing with definitions, if she wants to. I'm okay with people not understanding me too. Just so I get a compatible GF.
    In my post #33, I linked to one of your posts yesterday where you said that for eight months last year you didn't dress when you were with your girlfriend, and you didn't dress at all for two months after you broke up, and finding a new girlfriend now was more important than dressing. So if you have significant portions of your life of not crossdressing (as you instead appear in a manner that causes people to assume you are a man), then how do you live as a woman? Maybe you have your own definition of "living as a woman" too?
    Reine

  13. #38
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    I don't consider myself to be living as a man..
    I'm sorry but if you are living your life and are wearing men's clothes, being called by your male name and are being addressed as he or him.... Your living as a man.

    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa
    Male lesbian
    Teresa, if that is the terminology that you and your therapist came up with to describe your gender identity I would really recommend finding another one and starting fresh..

    I have read a lot of your posts and there still seems to be a lot of suffering on your part and come confusion of who you are. You have mentioned that you have an identity that is a mixture of male and female so to me that would make you Bigender (if that identity is static) or genderfluid (if it fluctuates).

    To me your best identifier would be Bigender that is female attracted... Not lesbian

  14. #39
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    The obsession with sex. Wow!!

    Personally I think anyone who uses the terms "male lesbian" or "lipstick lesbian" has such a male sexual view of relationships that you make the terms almost meaningless. "Lipstick lesbian" is a derogatory term coined and typically used by mainstream male dominated media as a put down. I doubt you will find many female attracted women who genuinely and personally call themselves "lipstick lesbians". Most of the female attracted women and couples I know just refer to each other as partners and frankly DON'T talk about their "sexuality" at all. Because we are sick and tired of being defined by our sexuality and who we are attracted to. There is no special label for men who are attracted to women or women who are attracted to men, or at least certainly not one used in general social conversation. Stop trying to label stuff with meaningless labels.

  15. #40
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    Megan,
    I wasn't going to ignore your comment but had to find out more about bi-gender and genderfluid terms. I have to admit bi-gendered fits my situation so if it's preferable to male lesbian then maybe I should accept it. I have always had the continual feeling of feeling both since the start of my CDing, obviously the seeds were sown from berth . They don't fluctuate, at one time I described it as a constant gut feeling of wanting something else while functioning in male mode. Or I was firing on two male cylinders and the other two were somewhere else pulling in a different direction.
    I don't mind being corrected, the fact is whatever the label it doesn't change how you feel inside !

    Kate T,
    Please try not to fly off the handle with all this, if a person male or female doesn't have these feelings inside they can never fully understand. The argument over labels just keeps cropping up, some don't need them, they just get on with their lives, I do need them because I need to understand it myself so I can explain it to others.
    I will admit I'm not happy with the term "Lipstick lesbian ", I guess it's the opposite of a butch lesbian , but it's not fair to use those as they can be insulting comments.

  16. #41
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    By no means am I trying to tell you who you are or are not, the only person in this world that can do that is you. The reason I wrote what I did was to get you to do some self reflection a little and see if there was a better way of descibing your identity that is easier for people (including yourself) to understand.... And hopefully to allow you to find peace a little easier...

    Until you can fully understand who you are, and where you sit on the spectrum it is almost impossible to move forward and find true happiness. Having a therapist tell you that your a male lesbian makes me question the training and experience that this person has when it comes to gender issues, especially when they had to consult other members of the practice.

    Again I only wish you the best in finding yourself....

  17. #42
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Am I on trial for perjury? What's the penalty if you find me guilty? Banishment? This reminds me of my GF last year. She was always accusing me of lying, when I said I wasn't attracted to men or I couldn't remember my (fleeting, trivial) thoughts from the previous ten minutes or so.

    It embarrasses me to identify as male, because it feels absurd for me, i.e. dishonest. But I don't need to dress up my vehicle/body to be aware of my feminine identity. I often have a strong desire to dress it up, so it looks better and makes me feel more authentic, but so far it doesn't seem to be a "need". My need is mainly for "female" or Lesbian companionship. Apparently, Teresa understands some of this.
    Last edited by LelaK; 05-12-2016 at 07:12 AM.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  18. #43
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    You are on trial for misusing the term "lesbian". You are, of course, free to call yourself anything you want to but when you misuse terms in a conversation, you mislead and confuse the other people.

    For example, your "smartass" reply to my post about offending lesbians "I'm a real Lesbian, and I'm not insulted." You are, by definition, not a "real lesbian".

    From reading some of your previous posts, you seem to be a sexually straight crossdresser. Just like the majority of crossdressers.

  19. #44
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I am a lesbian stuck in crossdressing mans body
    whenever I feel like that, I just remember what a lesbian friend once said: 'I'm jealous because you have access to all those beautiful straight girls who would never be interested in a girl like me'. While they might not be happy that I'm a crossdresser, for a while at least, I get to date some of those beautiful women. Might not last forever, but, most relationships fail anyway. Better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. At least I have lots of fun memories.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #45
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    It embarrasses me to identify as male, because it feels absurd for me, i.e. dishonest. But I don't need to dress up my vehicle/body to be aware of my feminine identity. I often have a strong desire to dress it up, so it looks better and makes me feel more authentic, but so far it doesn't seem to be a "need". My need is mainly for "female" or Lesbian companionship. Apparently, Teresa understands some of this.
    Lela, I do appreciate what you're saying and a lot of other people in this forum feel the same way you do. No one is questioning this.

    But, here's the difficulty with wanting to be with lesbians. They're not going to want to be with you, because of your genitals. They'll look upon you as a man, no matter how much you tell them that you have a feminine identity. That's what lesbian means, female-on-female, not male-with-feminine-identity on female.
    Reine

  21. #46
    Junior Member Virginia1983's Avatar
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    For me, I'm going to complete dressing as a woman by having sex with men. I'm envious of women - their clothes, make up, nails, heels, ...But I want their husbands,
    Every inch a lady!

  22. #47
    Member Matia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    "Lesbian" can be an odd term here. The term is used to describe women (with female bodies) attracted to other women (with female bodies). So the term refers to one’s body more than one’s gender identity.
    .
    I have a male body and I am definitely a lesbian. I am attracted to women, while I perceive my gender a woman too. In reality it means, that sex when I am in a role of a man "hetero relationship" it just doesn't work , or it barely does. While when I live as a woman, and I am perceived as one, sex does work great. I don't think it's about the body at all.

  23. #48
    Junior Member Virginia1983's Avatar
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    Understand - I'm completely uninterested in women, other than how they dress and act - and their husbands Most especially their husbands LOL.
    Every inch a lady!

  24. #49
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    Reine,
    I feel you've missed the point of what we're saying, Lela apparently feels the same, our male side is naturally attracted to women and our female side is also attracted, please believe me that's how it feels. I have never mentioned wanting to explicitly be with a lesbian, but if the possibility arose it obviously wouldn't be a problem.

    Megan,
    I didn't have a problem with my counselor and appreciated her honesty over checking with others, I feel we settled on the male lesbian term because of the way my sexual needs were tied up with how my CDing started and how she interpreted the dreams I had at that time and also how driven I was at the age of 8-9 years old. I do understand now who I am or at least accept myself now for what I am.

  25. #50
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    It embarrasses me to identify as male, because it feels absurd for me, i.e. dishonest. But I don't need to dress up my vehicle/body to be aware of my feminine identity. I often have a strong desire to dress it up, so it looks better and makes me feel more authentic, but so far it doesn't seem to be a "need". My need is mainly for "female" or Lesbian companionship. Apparently, Teresa understands some of this.
    I too feel a significant degree of embarrassment and reluctance to refer to myself in an overtly masculine manner. But identification as a female does not make one a lesbian. To take on that distinctly descriptive term and throw it around as you are based on some sort of fantasy is simply absurd at best and frankly, it is highly disrespectful.

    You are not a real lesbian. Take meaningful steps towards transition and perhaps others will buy into your erroneous self-perception (versus your self-perception being less erroneous).
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

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