After months, heck, years, of going back and forth in my head over this, I finally told my wife about "Laura".
When we first started dating over 10 years ago I did tell her that I dressed. She was not accepting at all and asked if I could stop. I, of course, told her that I would and I truly believed that I could do it, so I purged everything and though that was the end of it. We all know how well that went. Mid-summer last year the urges came back, and within a month I was back to where I had been 10 years prior with a full wardrobe, forms, makeup.....you know the drill.
I've been dressing probably 4 to 5 times a week lately, and it has had a very noticeably calming affect on me. As a man, I have a bit of a temper, but Laura keeps me grounded. When I'm dressed, I am very calm, I don't get angry and I tend to be a more loving person. That calmness has even permeated into male mode. I no longer yell, I think before I speak when upset and think more about how my attitude affects those around me. All in all, it has had a very positive affect on me (in my opinion).
So.....this past weekend, my wife and I got into an augment. She was supposed to meet me at a mutual friends party at 2PM, she didn't show up until 4:30PM. Needless to say I was not a happy camper. Lately, she's been showing up late to everything, and not just a little late,but like REALLY late. During the argument, I heard myself actually say I wanted a divorce. It was like someone else said it but it came out of my mouth. I wasn't yelling, I didn't even raise my voice. My wife had a stunned look on her face. I stopped, and thought about what I had just said and why the heck I said it. Then it came to me, it was easier for me to run and leave everything behind rather than face her and tell her about my dressing.
That was the moment. It was now or never. So, with a lot of shaking, sweating, and on the verge of tears, I broke down and told her. I expected her to be angry with me, to start yelling and screaming like she typically does, but that didn't happen. She was confused, scared and instantly blamed herself. Luckily I've been reading tons on how to come out to your SO on this site and many other and had conversation upon conversation with other girls on the subject. I assured her it had nothing to do with her or her sexuality and that this was something that has been with me for most of my life. Then came the questions drowned in tears. Was I gay, have I cheated, was there someone else, did I want to become a woman. I answered everything as honestly as I could and encouraged her to ask anything she wanted and to not hold back. If she could think it, ask it. And she did. for the next few hours, amidst gallons of tears, we talked. and talked, and talked.
In the early morning hours, we snuggled in bed, made love and fell asleep in each others arms.
I honestly don't know where we'll end up. She is having a very rough time getting her head around it. She doesn't know if she can accept it or not. She definitely doesn't want to see any part of Laura at the moment. So for now, I'll wait, hope and see where we end up.
Am I glad I told her?........yes, most definitely yes. Regardless of how this ends up. Whether or not we stay together or breakup after 7 years of marriage, I can no longer hide who I am. This isn't a fetish, it won't go away and it can't be ignored.
There's my story. It's just one more in a long line of those that have gone before me and those that will inevitably come after. We must be true to ourselves even if that comes at the expense of those we love most. Denying who we are only hurts us all.